To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

Schools can take legal action but they rarely do. I do know of one case where a school instigated judicial review action when a LA decimated a child's EHCP to make the school seem suitable when they weren't.

They could also do this when the EHCP isn't being appropriately funded. But again they rarely do.

They rarely stand up and tell LAs a child's EHCP needs to be more specific and quantified, despite knowing they should be and this is the only way to ensure adequate funding is provided. Why not?

schools can also tell parents they can't meet needs because they can't do x due to lack of funding and parents can then take action. Again schools very rarely do this though. Why not? These last two in particular wouldn't cost them a penny.

Children in school need to be ready to learn. If your son doesn’t respond to what the school can reasonably offer to facilitate that, then you need to pick him up. School is not a childminding service.

Schools can take legal action but they rarely do. I do know of one case where a school instigated judicial review action when a LA decimated a child's EHCP to make the school seem suitable when they weren't.

They could also do this when the EHCP isn't being appropriately funded. But again they rarely do.

They rarely stand up and tell LAs a child's EHCP needs to be more specific and quantified, despite knowing they should be and this is the only way to ensure adequate funding is provided. Why not?

schools can also tell parents they can't meet needs because they can't do x due to lack of funding and parents can then take action. Again schools very rarely do this though. Why not? These last two in particular wouldn't cost them a penny.

So I absolutely agree that the school do need a plan in place but I think where we disagree is that I think it is reasonable in the short term for the school to ask parents to implement a reduced timetable informally if this helps. And maybe whilst they work out whether this is an “blip” or a longer term issue. A reduced timetable for a short time with the consent of the parent isn’t unlawful. And in lots of cases schools ask the parent to collect because they would rather have this than take more formal action which will also be on the child’s record if the behaviour escalates. SEN schools can be really strict about where they won’t take children with behaviour difficulties as well as SEN, and it won’t do the OP’s child any favours (a) to have a record of exclusions and (more importantly) (b) to be kept at school in a situation where they are already completely
overwhelmed.

Your son is not the schools responsibility hes yours and they need to keep other children and staff safe, it sounds like your son doesnt want to go And has control, maybe a SEN school would be better and if he does well maybe he can transfer back but saying the school are at fault and its their problem is not the solition

I have wondered about that actually because he does calm down quite quickly once he is home, although i dont think he is doing it on purpose to get sent home. He is usually completely exhausted afterwards and says he doesnt want to go back because everyone saw him.

I dont think i could sit in the car with him for hours though and then take him back in. School have said before that once they call me they need me to take him home because they cant have me sitting around on site. I did ask if i could stay with him somewhere while he calmed down and they said it wasnt really practical.

The problem is once ive arrived he knows hes going home anyway, so maybe that is part of the cycle. I hadnt really thought of it like that before.

I dont want him learning that throwing something means mum comes and he gets to leave, but i also dont want to ignore him when hes genuinely overwhelmed and needs me.

Maybe i need to ask them what they actually expect me to do when they ring, because at the moment its basically “you need to come now” and then i take him home. There isnt really anything else offered.

I will ask them if there is a way of calming him down and getting him back into class instead, because if he can do that it would probably be better than him just losing the whole afternoon every time.

I think there are a couple of important questions...

What part of the Section F are the school not providing?
And do you believe the school are capable of implementing the provision?

I have been senco in a school that has 2 classrooms, a small hall, a front office, a cupboard sized 'staff room' and a small playground...and the LA authority have insisted they can put in place provision that stated a 'low stimulation room available throughout the day' ' outside space for movement breaks when needed' and ' a designated working space and individual desk'.

When it was pointed out that the small playground was used for PE so the child couldn't always use it exclusively, and there were no spaces to use for working or low stimulation time, they disagreed and named us anyway.

The entire school was surrounded by privately owned farmer fields. The poor boy spent a year trying to climb fences and run through the children doing PE if they were around him outside. No amount of funding available would have made that possible. This village had never experienced that level of need and were an angry mob when their child got knocked over.
However, I also worked in a 2 form entry mainstream with 3 SEMH rooms, and ASD room, 'heavy work' room, sensory room and a huge outside area. Both mainstream, one equipped and one not.

Realistically, the LA don't care if the school can meet need, if a parent chooses it, they name it. Here, anyway. Never had the LA accept a 'no' to consultation.

Sorry this is long and probably doesnt make much sense but i am so fed up and dont really know if im being unreasonable anymore.

I have 2 boys, 12 and 9, both have additional needs although they are very different. DS2 has always been harder in school but usually he manages and we have never had anything like this before. Since going back this September he has apparently been having what they call explosive behaviour and he has now been sent home several times. One day they rang me before lunch and said i needed to collect him because he wasnt able to calm down and they didnt have the staff to keep him safe.

I did collect him because what else can i do, but then its happening again and again. Yesterday they rang and said basically they cant meet his needs at the moment. I said well what does that actually mean because he is supposed to be in school and not sitting at home with me because you dont have enough staff.

They keep saying they are not excluding him and that its a “temporary arrangement” while they look at what support he needs. Sorry but if my child is being told to stay at home because school cant cope with him, what exactly do they think an exclusion is??

I have asked about his support plan and whether they have actually done everything that is in it and i get lots of meetings and people saying they are concerned but nobody seems to actually have an answer. I dont want to keep having arguments with the school because obviously DS has to go there and i dont want things getting worse for him, but i also cant just accept him being kept home every time he has a meltdown.

DH thinks im making this harder than it needs to be and says we should look at specialist provision. I know he might be right but i dont want DS2 being put somewhere just because his current school doesnt want the bother. His brother is at the same school and they are very close, and DS2 already feels different enough without being taken away and told he needs a special school.

And before anyone says we should just pay for extra help, we actually do. Between therapy, assessments, things for school, transport and other bits we are spending over £2,000 a month at the moment. Yes i know thats a lot. We arent sitting on a pile of money, it is coming out of our savings and some of the things are because we have been told to get them privately because waiting lists are ridiculous. Im not saying that means the school owes us anything, just that its frustrating to constantly be told to get more support when we are already trying everything we can.

I am not pretending DS is easy. He can be very difficult when he is overwhelmed and i know the other children need to be safe too. But surely the answer cant just be send him home until he behaves normally? He cant learn how to manage school if he isnt actually allowed to be at school.

DH says im refusing to accept that he needs specialist help and maybe i am. I just feel like once we go down that road thats it, he gets labelled and everyone gives up trying to make mainstream work.

So AIBU to be pushing back on this and saying they cant keep sending him home because they “cant cope”? Or am i the one refusing to accept reality here?

For what it’s worth I just wanted to mention this as someone who sees it from the other side.

Just because a child has an EHCP doesn’t mean the school get funding for everything necessary. For example, I have seen EHCPs recommending 1-2-1 support and they come with funding of £5,000 per year. How on earth are a school meant to fund 1-2-1 for a child on that? They don’t necessarily have reserve funding to cover the difference which is substantial on many occasions.

It also isn’t provided when the EHCP is issued - I have known occasions where it took 9-12 months for the school to receive the funding from the LA. So how on earth are the school meant to fund anything in the meantime?

My point is that school in your case are more than likely not to be over staffed to the point they have someone available to be with him 1-2-1 when he needs it to help regulate, that’s why they need your support. I agree that if you can come and help him regulate he should go back to class if possible.

Funding is currently so dire in schools it is becoming unusual to have a full time TA in each class. And there can be many conflicting needs that have to be juggled. And for the other children it is scary if things have been thrown - for some children this would make them scared to go.

All I would say is this. Please work with the school. You say they were good with your other child. They can support you in getting the EHCP reviewed and you can support them trying to get extra intervention or support for him.

However, I wouldn’t totally discount what your DH is saying. It may come to this and it may be good to research and have better knowledge of your options.

i wish you the best.

But until then he still needs to be educated somewhere and i dont think it should just become my problem because he is difficult to manage.

He's your son! Of course it's your problem.

But until then he still needs to be educated somewhere and i dont think it should just become my problem because he is difficult to manage.

He's your son! Of course it's your problem.