To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

The UK education establishment are definitely NOT of the view, largely, that spare cash should go on "high ability children"!

It is a mistake to assume that SEND = low ability.

What legal battles are schools going into?

Call maybe, however to send a child home without formally excluding them is UNLAWFUL

Head teachers are generally quite busy and aren't sitting around twiddling their thumbs.
There are also a lot of conflicting interests when it comes to funding education. Every child deserves a good education but there isn't enough funding for that. You could argue that if there is any spare capacity, it should be going on high ability children. State education is probably pitched at the middle with a very large chunk of funding going to SEND. Where are you going to make the cuts to fund more support? There isn't an infinite pot of money, however much we would like there to be.

I haven't read the full thread, but I think I've read enough of your responses to get the gist that most people commenting have no idea what it is like to deal with children with additional needs.
My advice would be:

1. Emergency EHCP review, but as a minimum this will take 2 weeks (in reality you're probably looking at after October half term now if you want the LA to attend)
2. I'd arrange an urgent meeting with his teacher and the SENCo. From what you've said, I think you're correct in thinking that she is not aware of how to deescalate before he reaches meltdown, at which point it is too late. I'd gauge her reaction to what you have to say: does she want to learn and help DS or does she seem defensive/dismissive? If the latter, I'd then request a different class if possible or for a familiar TA to be around at least initially.
3. I'm not saying he has PDA by any means, but if you haven't already seen them, I'd have a look at PDA strategies (I say this because from what you have said, it sounds like this is how you deal with him at home) and consider if this is worth sharing with the school.
4. It sounds like he is very sensitive to rejection and perceives being sent home as rejection. Every time they send him home, this is obviously making this feeling stronger. Can they do some interventions like ELSA to help with this perception?
5. And personally I'd only do this if things do not change after giving school the opportunity, because it risks ruining your relationship with school and could backfire and get him permanently excluded, but I would ask that they stop with the illegal suspensions and either keep him, or provide paperwork and formally suspend him everytime they want to send him home.

Good luck OP. In my experience, a good teacher that truly understands them makes a world of difference.

Correct. This is pretty much why I left teaching. I just wanted to teach the kids maths or whatever not constantly be dealing with a ream of "reasonable adjustments" (brewed up by people who don't have to implement them) for half a dozen kids in the class, and be expected to sense when any one of them was about to lose control, call me a cunt and smash stuff up due to totally normal classroom life. I feel sorry for the other 25 kids who didn't have the option of quitting. There was no joy in that classroom. Even a fun little game of Wordle before home time was impossible because someone would kick off if they didn't get a turn.

There are teachers who enjoy working with challenging kids like that. They get jobs in special schools and have 4 times as many adults in the room.

That was our experience too. The LA seemed happy to spend more money defending silly decision that they were always going to lose, and did lose at tribunal. They would have saved money making the correct decision to begin with. The system is so messed up and seems to rely on the hope that parents are not willing/able to advocate effectively for their children.

LAs prefer often to spend money contesting support

Don’t they just! The general public would be aghast at the exorbitant amounts of money LAs waste defending indefensible cases often against unrepresented parents.

Over the years, my LA has spent 6 figures defending appeals I have made to the FtT for my DSs’ EHCPs. Barristers, solicitors, paralegals. Including a very nice sum years ago to a barrister to turn up late on the morning of one final hearing and concede. That isn’t including the money the LA has spent on internal staff dealing with the appeals to SENDIST. Neither does it include the costs the LA has incurred when I have pursued JR proceedings, their costs related to my complaints and LGO claims, or a small claims court case.

I have seen lots of pupils struggle to reintegrate after the summer holidays. New teacher/classes/dynamics have got a lot of pupils unsettled, particularly those with SEND.

If no one is available the HT should be in there supporting. Children should be put first

If you really did base decisions for your child on resources being scarce then you wouldn't even consider a special school! As they cost much more. And yet posters are suggesting that. It's not very logical.

I work in the sector. The mainsteam doing a terrible job isn't a reason to send him to special. This is why there are no places in special! Paren with lost confidence.

Don't pick him up. Tell him they have to deal with it. Ring SENDIASS in your area for support.

They might not. Many have a hiring freeze and some will only hire TAs from agency, because although it costs more, they can basically get them zero hours with no commitment on the employer's side. That is aside from the difficulty of actually hiring someone to do a not particularly attractive job when it is funded.

LAs prefer often to spend money contesting support because every month they can delay saves money and a lot of parents don't or can't challenge their decisions.

As a parent you do have to learn that resources are scarce and your child is not the only one that counts.

In terms of illegal exclusions, other pupils aren’t relevant. Other pupils aren’t a get out of jail free card allowing the school to act unlawfully. In terms of provision in EHCPs and that provision being delivered, other pupils aren’t relevant either. Provision in EHCPs is based on needs, not other pupils or resources and the LA has a duty to provide the provision in F regardless of other pupils or what resources they say are available.

The thing is, this child has been at the school for 5 years presumably if he's 9. He's got an EHCP which brings money to the school. It doesn't sound like his provision is anything particularly expensive; the OP is paying £2k a month (!) for therapies that should almost certainly being provided and paid for by the LA.

So what's changed? He can't even have been back at this school for 3 weeks - after 5 years - and they're washing their hands of him?

But there is literally noone available to do it. It is either that or a Yr4 teacher or a physics teacher (depending on the phase) If schools had the budget they wouldn't go into legal battles, they would just just hire the TAs that they needed.

I don’t think she should step away as it is helpful for her to hear the views of other parents, teachers, school leaders as well as those of us who have SEND kids. My SEND child was never aggressive but he certainly demanded a lot of attention/questions etc as he has high ability. As a parent you do have to learn that resources are scarce and your child is not the only one that counts. I am sorry but that is a fact of life.

All mainstream school SEND policies take into account what a school can reasonably offer to facilitate a child in being ready to learn. It’s not ableist at all to point out that it is normal and acceptable for a school to call parents when those strategies fail.

Everything you say here is reasonable. Obviously being ready to learn is age appropriate and his EHCP will have strategies to help. It’s simply that, when the strategies fail, they do need to call you to collect him. It’s disruptive for you and unfortunately it leaves you in flux, as you don’t know whether he will go back to coping more easily in the future. All you can do is muddle through, knowing that your son has the best Mum who does everything she can for him.

Is this a state school or private? If state there should be some sen funding/resource. Agree emergency annual review of ehcp. Look carefully at what has changed from last year to this year. Has he got loops as well as ear defenders? Maybe reducing overall noise (you can still hear). Is the teachers tone difficult for him? Can you look at easily identifiers of distress and get previous teacher to support better understanding with new teacher (then it’s not all just coming from you).

But if he has an EHCP and the school has agreed to provide certain things, i do think they have some responsibility for putting those things in place

I've seen many, many EHCPs. They don't pay any heed to what a school actually has or is able to provide - a dedicated hydrotherapy pool with qualified teachers who also all hold both current nursing registration and chartered physiotherapist status comes to mind. Or the ones where the child required a suite of classrooms because they mustn't ever see or hear a smaller child - but the single designated staff member was to take them into the main playground to direct younger children to play with them every day (and not take any breaks themselves as their leaving to have a statutory break in an eight and a half hour day would cause the child to become dysregulated towards another member of staff and the first one upon return).

The LA 'consults', the school says 'we cannot meet those requirements', the LA ignores, once the time limit has expired, the LA directs. The school doesn't have to agree as that doesn't matter to the LA, especially when they've not just got their determination to get the cheapest, most unsuitable placement, they've got a parent who wishes their child could be safe and happily in mainstream and doesn't understand that what is being expected is sadly, impossible.

Seeing it as a punishment for being bad is unfair on your son. He seems to need - and deserves - a specialist provision so that he isn't unhappy and feeling like he's a failure or bad, so that he gets to enjoy his education rather than becoming distressed, frustrated or angry in an environment where, although they would love to be able to meet his needs as the LA has specified them, they cannot.

LAs will only do it if forced, but EHCPs can be fully funded. That won’t happen if the EHCP is poor, though.

There are very few special schools. Certainly nowhere near enough for the number of children posters on mumsnet seem to think should be in them!

The school is acting illegally in excluding the ds's son.

There are appropriate routes to take if they feel they cannot meet his current level of need. However, from what the OP has described, there are many more strategies the school could be trying, and levels of funding and support to apply for before they start saying they can't meet his needs.

The Government has an inclusion agenda for schools. Schools are expected to accommodate children with additional needs in mainstream schools.

The fact that the OPs ds has an EHCP gives him further legal protection.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/5484488-ehcp-support-thread-no-6?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share