To say my DS cant keep missing school because the school “cant cope”??

I did ask how my child would be safeguarded....school had said they got an extra teacher in the class but increasing the staffing didnt change the behaviours as behaviours were unpredictable. They actually had to take another child out of class as the the anger issue child was attacking the child.

It is really difficult.

Maybe taxes should rise, increased money ring - fenced to support vulnerable children and those with SEND.
Perhaps that would provide much better specialist provision, support and train parents and teachers, provide higher staffing levels in mainstream, provide specialist SEND teachers (my LA ‘restructured’ under budget cuts and removed this team).

Maybe the government can reverse the academy system and allow LA’s to open new schools, even if this were limited to specialist provision. Less cost, less time.

None of it a vote winner though.

Especially when LA's tend to talk about saving money yet seem to have no problems insisting so many parents go to tribunal etc and costing them more money in the long run.

I think one can appreciate the wider political situation without losing sight of the suffering of the children and their parents when needs are not met.

I personally find it difficult to feel sorry for my LA when I consider how they treated us at a time of difficulty.

Your LA should have a team of SEN advisory teachers whose job it is to go in and observe classroom teachers where behaviour management is becoming a challenge. (I am one in my county). They will advise how to meet the EHCP requirements as the only way things will change is for the adults to do something differently. There needs to be a connective approach taken to improve things between teacher (who sounds awful) and your son. They can also carry out modelling interventions for the teacher to see what he/she should be doing differently - I had an awkward conversation yesterday with a Y2 teacher who was freaking out that the two boys in her class that I was in to work with had done more pages of the workbooks than they were supposed to (two boys with huge additional needs who will both likely end up in special provision units once they get their EHCPs and who are both working at EYFS levels - I was just happy they were engaged in mark making, there is no way they understood her very barked rapid multiple instructions, they just liked tracing the lines so I encouraged them to keep going, given they don’t seem to be able to produce work other than with support they don’t get from their teacher). So keep at the school, they need to meet the EHCP and you need SENDIASS involved if this continues.

I don't see one person on this thread who thinks the behaviour is ok. Just that OP's son clearly needs extra support and making sure that it is in place as his EHCP is a legal document.

It isn't entitlement to expect that your child is supported by their legal document which is supposed to help them cope in mainstream.

I do hope that your daughter is ok. The teachers won't be allowed to discuss another child with you. Ask about how your daughter will be safeguarded and they should be able to tell you how they are going to keep her safe going forward.

They can do something about it @Poppybob. Hopefully they are. They can't discuss confidential stuff about other children with you though. I hope your daughter is OK.

Professional experience, over a number of authorities.

I was explaining the bigger picture, that the structure of education and budgets make decisions really difficult for everyone. There are no easy decisions. The system is increasingly under pressure, more children requiring support, tighter and tighter budgets, a spiral of ‘not enough LA provision’ (as explained), leading to huge, costly placements and/or court fees.

My LA had to save in excess of £5million year on year, under the Conservative government. Senior leaders with budgets cut in their departments, savings to meet, money to save. This had to come from somewhere, with the pot shared between many, many children with SEND.

Speaking as a parent who's child has been kicked punched and had chairs thrown at them and actually had to go to hospital due to being hit jn the head....and bejng told by the school that they cant do anything about it!!!! My head is actually blown at the entitlement and arrogance of parents who think this behaviour is ok in a school and thjnk other children anc teachers should be at risk daily. Schools do have a duty to provide every child a education so I would definitely try and ensure that the school is supporting you with this. Teachers cant provide an education to other children if all their time is taken up during lessons on x1 child.

I have. So far, they do seem good but of course, very early days.

It's the open evening next week so I'll bring my son along. He wants to stay in primary school forever so hopefully this will start to help with the adjustment too.

I think you can be hopeful. Insider knowledge is very good.

Have you spoken to the secondary about extended transition?

I think it's a huge shame people think like this.

I regularly walk down the road or take my children on public transport where they are exposed to people with "violent tendencies" - where there is no way to guarantee they won't get harmed, deliberately or accidentally (and the liklihood of harm is 1000x more than that of being in a school environment) but I do try to teach them not to judge other people and I can teach them what is sensible and what is risky... But I know I can't shield them from all harm, unless I want to lock them away from society. And society cannot lock away everyone who has potential to be a risk to others.

If a child is regularly, dangerously violent, then there needs to be different guards in place to a child who gets dysregulated, but the dysregulation can be more safely dealt with.

I hope that the adults who know the child well can make a plan to ensure they get treated kindly and like another valuable human being, whatever their future education looks like.

Me too.

What makes me the most nervous is that specialist schools in the area just aren't an option for him so if it all goes to shit in Year 7, the options will be even more limited. He had some time with a home tutor in Year 4 and hated every minute of it so that wouldn't be ideal either.

I'm just crossing my fingers that with his strong EHCP, me generally knowing my stuff and the fact the school I have in mind for him has been recommended by his current schools SENCO (who is great) that things will go smoothly or at least not completely fall apart.

It's not prejudice, that's a cop-out. It's easy to say when challenged and the difficult questions are asked. There are too many kids who don't know how to use a book. Too many who are addicted to screens. That's on parents. Screens make your child LESS regulated but parents get stuck in a cycle of depending on them.

There are a lot of options in between "tolerate the situation as it is" and "refuse to educate anyone who differs from the norm or who is experiencing some problems".

Nobody is saying that. Schools don't have unlimited staff or resources. Therefore they can't allow 30 kids to be ignored and sidelined for one kid who can't cope in a classroom. I'm sure we would all love our kids to have 1:1 support but it's just not possible. I'm not saying that's right or fair, but it's just not possible at the moment.
Most parents would be fighting for their child's education like OP and it's parents doing so which gets stuff changed but if schools aren't properly funded they are limited.

Most teachers go into the role because they want to teach. Nobody wants a child to be left behind. Schools aren't doing this because they don't care about this child's education, they just have to be pragmatic. 30 kids get a good education Vs 1.

That's the 64 million dollar question, isn't it?!

The year 6 to 7 transition in this country is so difficult and risky. I would like to see a LOT .ore research and support going into it.

I think it is quite clear from the OP's posts that she is willing to work with the school, but the school has given her very little information.

If you send me the names and addresses of the "parents who seem to go "well I guess that's that, I can't possibly do anything to manage this."

... then I'll go speak to them about their poor attitude. On the other hand, if this is Daily Mail bullshit being repeated, and actually most (not all, but most) parents have already worn themselves thin trying to help their child and fight against multiple systems that are working against them, then you might want to rethink your prejudices.

As a mother if a 10 year old child, I would absolutely not be happy if she was sharing a classroom with a child with violent tendencies, even if it was only 'on occassion', and I would make that very clear to the school via their complaints process. Whilst he may have not lashed out directly (yet) there are clearly aggressive tendencies and there is obviously no way to guarantee another child or teacher wouldn't get hurt after time - either accidently or deliberate.
I'm absolutely sure the school would have conducted a risk assessment as its not easy for them to deny access for a student. Personally, even as an able bodied, relatively fit adult, I'd have concerns about my ability to safely restrain a 9 year old boy with harming him or myself in the process.

And thats not even including the amount of disruption that would cause to the learning.

Your DH is correct, you should start looking at specialist education routes ASAP so he doesn't miss a long period of education. Specialist provision is not abundant, so timing is of the essence to avoid him falling too far behind.

Have read all your posts, OP, and feel so much for the position you are in. So much of what you’ve written resonates with things we have struggled with - both the abrupt change from coping to not coping and the bewilderment navigating all the different types of provision when we, as parents, are not experts or even aware of the range of services there are.

If helpful at all, we’ve found most help through an OT who explained what’s happening in his brain and nervous system in a way both we and he could understand. It made sense of why he was able to cope for a long while but then seemed abruptly unable to cope when social and academic demands got higher. She also explained how when he is dysregulated he goes into ‘tiger brain’ and literally doesn’t have access to the executive function necessary to make the choices he wants to because he’s in a fight or flight state. It took so much of the shame away for the meltdowns to understand this, and then allowed us to target his support to try to avoid the triggers rather than coping with the consequences again and again.

It sounds from what you say this is what his current teacher is doing - and she doesn’t have capacity in a busy classroom to notice when things are getting too much. And perhaps your son has been holding it together as much as he can for a long time and his ‘battery’ is now depleted to the extent that things are always at the edge of too much at school.

Again, if helpful at all, what helped for us in terms of stuff at home was talking through at bedtime when he’s calm what happened each day - good and bad - in detail and writing it down so we could start to work out what specifically was challenging - eg specific lessons or specific peer interactions. I then made an ‘energy accounting’ style plan of his school week showing where the hardest bits were and the school worked with us to put supports in for those specific triggers. Our boy is a bit older so can notice these himself now and start to take action before he gets to a really bad state. This makes him feel more in control and it’s been a positive spiral for him.

Good luck - it’s a very hard situation you’re in with not enough resource available to help parents or schools to support kids properly.

The problem is the system can't move quick enough for the demand for special needs provision.

The conversation nobody wants to have is why behaviour has got so bad in SEN kids. Just because a child has special needs doesn't mean there has to be the level of disruption currently in schools. Nobody wants to say it but parents need to take responsibility for some of how their children behave. It's easy to hide behind the label and excuse bad behaviour. I'm certainly not saying that outbursts occasionally can't be avoided but as soon as a child has a diagnosis parents seems to go "well I guess that's that, I can't possibly do anything to manage this."

The pot of money isn't endless and there are so many things which need funding. In an ideal world we would have much smaller classes, more would happen outside so kids can move around, there would be 1:1 teaching for when needed, gifted children would be challenged rather than the focus on just getting everyone up to the minimum. There would be specialist staff in every classroom to support teachers and unlimited quiet corners and rooms with all of the best resources science has to offer.

But there's not. So parents need to ask themselves how they can fill the gap and work with schools rather than expecting teachers to fix it all for them.

Yep. Absolutely this.

My son is thriving in mainstream because his EHCP is actually good and supports him which means everyone, including him, can enjoy their education and school day.

Of course, he's in Year 6 now and the transition to mainstream high school has me very nervous.

The sheer lack of understanding that IF the environment and support was there, it is ENTIRELY possible that all the children in the class could receive a proper education, blows my mind.

You talk like there is nothing to be done for the child. What if the majority of the difficulties are because the proper required support is NOT in place?

I've heard of children starting Reception not toilet trained but haven't heard about children in Year 3+ who definitely don't have SEND but aren't toilet trained. Where did you get that information from, please? Any links?