Kids Xmas when they already have too much stuff and Dh goes mad.

Maybe do a reverse advent with your DCs. We have a large box for each of them, and they put one item they no longer need every day in Christmas and it all gets donated to charity in the New Year. You could even say one item of clothing and one toy/book every day.

Well if they're buying the kids copious amounts of sweets/chocolate all year round when the kids are over-weight with tooth decay then YES! That is child abuse.

As a parent it is your duty to make sure your children are in good health. So a balanced diet, correct amount of exercise, and good teeth brushing habits.

My DS has tooth decay. His is because the baby teeth came through with very little enamel (none on some), so we have to be super careful about what he eats to protect his teeth, and make sure he brushes them regularly.

You could turn some gifts into exoeriences/events (cinema/theatre/trips to events they are into at other cities etc).

I think you'll have to accept Christmas decorations... but they are temporary

If you have a child that is overweight and with tooth decay and he is buying them masses of chocolate and sweets then that is child abuse!

If you see it as child abuse then surely the OP and her DH are abusing the children all year round in your opinion?

It sounds like you have bigger problems than Christmas. He treats you with contempt.

You have bigger problems than 25th of December, a thread about how to help your kids health problems might be better, and one about divorce.
You and your kids don't need to live like this.

The moving of the dining table to a cramped kitchen to fit in the big tree would be the most annoying thing for me. We also have a small house and get an appropriately small sized tree which can fit on a side table in the corner of the lounge, which still looks lovely and festive. Surely there's some similar solution for you?

If you have a child that is overweight and with tooth decay and he is buying them masses of chocolate and sweets then that is child abuse!

Without wanting to sound rude, your DH doesn't sound like the sharpest tool in the box, as spending £1000s you cant afford on stuff they don't need, plus giving kids with tooth decay lots of chocolate isn't really a smart move!

Personally I'd stand up to him now and be blunt. TELL him Christmas needs to be reined in. Tell him the table is NOT being moved this year so he will need to find a smaller tree to go elsewhere. Tell him if he wants to buy the kids more stuff, then he needs to encourage them to tidy their room and make lots of space for new things.

Who is paying for the cost of it?

That's quite sad you have a 9 and 10 year old that don't play. What do they do instead??

Your DH claims it's for the children, but actually it's all about him and his idea about what Christmas should be like. Did he grow up poor and is trying to compensate for it?

This needs to be sorted out as he's actually sacrificing his children's health and wellbeing in service of his hang-ups about Christmas.

As an aside, I don't understand the 'piling up the tree' mentality. It's quality not quantity that counts. If he's actually not paying attention to what they will like or play with, the only pleasure he's giving them is the five minutes of ripping open, which is surely ultimately unsatisfying to them?

It sounds like a miserable Christmas OP. I would opt out of the whole thing if I were you.

It sounds really awful honestly. Fair enough to go a bit silly (we have too many decorations for sure as we decorate for Christmas and Chanukah and it’s all a bit chaotic for a month!) but I start putting things away slowly just after Xmas and it’s all done and dusted before they go back to school. Kids are 13/10 so it’s just a couple Lego kits and books and such.

I think it’s shocking to ignore teeth decay and obesity in your children. Does he not like that they’re growing up? I don’t particularly like it either but it’s rather inevitable. Did he have bad christmases growing up and is trying to make up for it? Would be useful to try to unpick this a bit if he’s generally a good partner and parent and this is an odd time of year for him.

if he always ignores your kids health that’s a whole different problem.

This sounds less about Christmas and more about you being the house martyr.

Literally everyone in that house is old enough to tidy up and the child who 'never throws anything away', needs to be made to.

ETA: And if you have a 'very overweight' child, that's not down to chocolate once a year at Christmas.

Excessive amounts of toys and gifts piled high that the children won’t even play with doesn’t amount to a positive childhood or memories though?

OP, you and your DH sound like you’re fundamentally incompatible in this area. I think you need to seriously consider if that also extends to other areas, such as money management/financial priorities, parenting approaches, etc. or if you’ll only become increasingly resentful of him in the long term.

Well, toys and stuff are a problem for most people who have kids.

I used to do a six months cull and take stuff that they never played with any more either to the charity shop or sold in eBay.

do you have storage in their rooms?

If your DH won’t listen to you about not buying too much ‘stuff’, then perhaps ask other family members not to buy ‘stuff’ and instead buy your boys subscriptions/experiences/vouchers/consumables/practical items (clothes, stationery or kit for a hobby).

What would happen if you put the old tree on marketplace and got a nice pencil tree for another corner somewhere, and allowed DH to go a bit extra creating his dream Christmas table scape instead?
I could find a way to tolerate most things, but not months of the kitchen not functioning followed by a shit Christmas dinner. Nothing about that sounds “nice” at all.

I was going to say for you to drop the rope here, Op, but your information about tooth decay, obesity and your dh's lack of care around this is shocking. You have bigger problems than Xmas.

They are only young once. Im a neat freak too but I guve myself a good talking to iver christmas because its their childhood, their Christmas and memories.

In all of this, it sounds like your opinion, your wants and your needs don't matter. I don't know what the solution is, but that's a position you can't maintain.

Your husband sounds a bit dim, but you can choose to not take on the jobs of managing his toy train and piles of crap.
Your kids are well old enough to not leave stuff lying around, and should be doing chores.
Do you want to stay married to the man? It sounds tedious.

I hear you. It's similar in our house too. Stuff everywhere, nowhere to put anything away, everything covered in dust because it's impossible to clean and then the boxes and boxes and boxes of decorations come out and are plonked on top of whatever dusty clutter was already there. He's just trying to make Christmas special while here I am ungratefully hyperventilating at the sight of more and more parcels arriving by the hour.

You’ve got 3 months notice from now so throw loads of stuff away. Minimalist at Christmas with kids sounds miserable, his way sounds nice. How long until you can move to a house that fits you all?