Kids Xmas when they already have too much stuff and Dh goes mad.

@betterusername do the children write Christmas lists?
Does he buy what's on the list plus extras?
Do they have stockings? Who buys the stocking gifts?

Get rid of all the unused clutter. Pack it up, do a car boot sale with the kids. Put the money in their accounts.

you need to have serious words with your partner. Why isn’t your opinion valied? Why do your feelings not matter? Why is he being so careless with DCs health and wasting family money. Does he need therapy to work through historic issues.

Ask the kids to list things they would like from Father Christmas and get an affordable amount from their list.

He sounds like a ridiculous man child 🙄

Nightmare before Christmas 😕
He needs to have a word with himself!

We have three children and way too much stuff. I hate having to think of things to buy for Xmas because we end up just buying for the sake of it. As two of mine are teenagers now, I'm thinking of trying to do experiences rather than loads of physical things this year. I have to say though, I'd much rather husband like yours than someone who doesn't want to celebrate Christmas or splash out on the kids. As much as I completely get how overwhelming it is to have so much stuff, as well as the fact that humans need to stop being wasteful consumers for the sake of the planet. he obviously cares about your kids waking up to Christmas they will remember!

That sarcastic "you'd like that wouldn't you" is not on.

Answer...

Yes, i bloody well WOULD like that. We've done christmas your way for 10 years and I'm drowning in tat that makes the entire season feel horribly stressful. This year, if you wish me an ounce of happiness at all, we will have a small tree 'here' and the presents for each child need to fit in 'this box'. Next year, we will revisit and maybe even find a compromise, but right now I need a breather or christmas won't be happening at all...

Hide his bank card 🤔

I was leaning towards team DH until you mentioned your kids, and that your DH spends £1000's that you don't have. No one needs to spend that amount at christmas. I'd sell all the unused gifts

But why should the OP have to do this when it's not her creating the problem?

This sounds horrific. Christmas is not about the amount of presents or decorations. It is not a competition and not an excuse to overindulge. It should be about spending time with friends and family and giving to those in need. If he’s insistent on spending £1000s you’d be better doing festive experiences, create memories not stuff.

Lots of this is so annoying, and I don’t know what the solution for you is. But in terms of the mountain of stuff you still have from previous years, if you can find the time list it on Vinted. Loads of people but pre-loved stuff for their kids for Christmas nowadays and it will go very quickly when posted in late October onwards in the run-up to Christmas. So at least you will be compensating for some of the expenditure and getting rid of quite a lot of the stuff to create space for all the incoming things.

Sorry OP, but do you mean he buys lots of chocolate just at Christmas or all year round? If its just Christmas then I think its ok. You can still manage it and throw some away but a treat is OK too. If he is ignoring a health issue all year round that's a very different story

This. I’m sorry but your DH is a complete idiot. What the hrll is he going to your DC? I would fave gone ballistic by now.

I would lay down the law. Tell him clearly that chocolate etc has to be reduced this year. The DC are allowed X amount and no more. If he ignores you, it will be going to the food bank box at Tesco etc. And do it. You’re basically married to a silly 5 year old who loves buying stuff and overindulging the DC. You need to get tough now.

Re. the toys, get clearing the stuff out. If they’re in very good condition, get them off to charity shops. If not, get them to the tip.

That’s quite a telling response. He actually dislikes the idea of you being happy at Christmas. What a prince.
My DH and I do not do things that make the other miserable. Not everything can be exactly as everyone would prefer it all the time but in your situation he actually does not think you are worthy of any sort or care or consideration or compromise.
And neither are your children, which is even worse!
I see a little man with a big ego, merrily stoking it to the detriment of his entire family.

@betterusername ok, the table can’t be used for the tree. I thought i had the magical (obvious) answer!!

I used to return some of the presents my kids got from extended family.
They used to get so so much, they would just rip open the Christmas paper and if the toy was still in its box and not being played with i would take it back to toy shop and get the refund put onto a card, which I would use towards birthday parties and presents

how on earth does going into debt for landfill crap they can't afford, and don't even want, mum stressed and annoyed all the time, a messy cluttered house, and not even having christmas dinner because there's no space, sound "nice?"

OP tbh sounds like you have a bigger problem with your DH not respecting you, thinking his opinions override yours and being irresponsible with money.

But they need to compromise.

The OP 'putting her foot down' in a house they both share, is just as bad as what he's doing.

And the children's weight and teeth issues are down to them both all year round.

Put your foot down. No Christmas tree/decorations etc before December. Specify the number of presents under the tree. The remaining budget to be used for Christmas activities e.g. ice skating or lights. It can be magical in ways that don't involve you having a breakdown.

And read him the riot act re the unhealthy food given the impact on teeth/weight.

If he is unwilling to listen you have big problems

Leave the table in the bay window and put a smaller tree on top if it. Gifts can go on the table and they’re easier to see. Then clear out unused stuff under the beds etc, give it to charity without anyone knowing.

Get all the unopened toys and either bring them to a charity shop or list them on Vinted (you wont get anything close to what they were bought for but at least you’ll be rid of them. Tell your kids you’ll give them 50% of proceeds from selling, the other 50% is yours for time spent listing/packing, etc. Anything un-opened and in perfect condition, give away.

Your children are old enough not to walk on the train set - if they do and break it, not your issue. Just tell yourself it’s no concern of yours.

Talk to your DH and tell him that a smaller tree is to be got this year and if he goes overboard on sweets and chocolates you’ll be donating them to a food bank. Your DH shouldn’t have the last and only word on what goes on in your home.

Do you own or rent your house?
If the latter he could put funds to renting somewhere larger and more comfortable. Ideally with a man cave/grotto to put DH in.
They are your kids too! If he has other redeeming qualities and this nonsense isn’t a deal breaker I would take control ASAP and show DH a better way. Set a budget. Get the kids involved packing up unused stuff to donate. Ask them to think of two or three new things they would like. Plan stockings of little surprises. Spend money on outings to Christmas events, experiences they will remember. And membership for sports clubs to help their fitness.

My DD would spend hours watching Netflix and on the Playstation if she had no screen limits! She is 10. She isn't the biggest fan of reading so will therefore play. She fashions clothes for barbie, plays with geomags, goes to the park with friends. She can have 30 minutes a day on a screen, and a little additional time if she has been super good.

If they don't use the stuff then tell them they need to sort it all out and sell it on.

I have been living in a house too small for years and I get what you mean. I love xmas though and DH isn't bothered so the kids only get what I buy which is moderate and not excessive. Can you try and win him over with things like suggesting a few outdoor toys or experiences this year?
Also, start getting rid of stuff now.