Kids Xmas when they already have too much stuff and Dh goes mad.

Maybe agree a one in, one out rule (or similar) with the kids so they need to clear out old toys every Christmas and birthday. Also, what does your DH say when you point out the problem?

What's the likelihood of you being able to move house OP? Just strikes me that if he has access to thousands at Christmas (which not everyone does) would it be possible to get more space?
Not for him to fill with crap but so that you all have a bit more space in general.

On another note I would put my foot down. The table goes back to where it should be abs you get a smaller corner tree or similar. He can still make a small tree look lovely.

I also agree about buying the children experiences rather than 'stuff'.

You need to put your foot down tho.

X

I think you need to stand up to him. Also boxes of unused stuff under the bed? Get it out and sell it. How are your finances arranged? Spending money you cannot afford to go OTT at Christmas is ridiculous. The chocolate etc when your children are overweight and have tooth decay is not good although that cannot just be down to Xmas. If he doesn’t value your opinion and just over rides you every time why are you together?

Tell him you need to start saving for university for them. Has he always been a big spender? He’s overcompensating for something.

Start a savings account for them ? What’s happened to him growing up that he feels the need to buy them so much ‘stuff’?

I only had one child but we lived in a two bed flat and I used to wonder where all her new plastic tat was going to go each year.

We’d have a purge every spring. When DD left home and I was clearing the flat for sale there was still bags and bags of crap she’d managed to hide everywhere.

There is no solution. The only way to stop it is to leave it outside their flat/house after they move out.

What would your ideal Christmas look like OP. Has he ever asked you?

By going so OTT for such an extended period it sort of takes the warm feeling away from.the festive period. Sometimes people appreciate things more if it's not overwhelming.

We've found the older DC get the more it's about tech stuff. So we do that, a couple of items of clothing, books and a bit of Lego. My DD still likes toys but we do a mix of things..imagine as she gets bigger the pile will reduce.

It's easy to get caught up in the stuff but a few things about your DHs behaviour around s
Christmas and stuff suggests he has somethings to work through.

I think youve got to refuse to move the table this year. Tell him to figure out the tree but the table is staying put

And you need to get down to ikea and make sure youve got your walls covered in shelves and bookcases for storage

Yanbu, as much as i love christmas, this sounds nightmarish x

I actually think I'd go to marriage counselling over this (although I assume he would probably refuse).

Why does he get the final say over absolutely everything, even when it negatively affects you?

You have just described a load of situations where he does stuff that makes your life harder, you tell him please could he do something differently because it makes your life harder, he says no, and does it even more. That's really not normal or healthy. One person shouldn't be constantly put out by the others behaviour. One person shouldn't do all the compromising. One person shouldn't have to find all the solutions.

It is all about him in your wider family unit not just your marriage, as it doesn't sound like the children need or want any of this anyway

Very difficult to approach because it’s really all just for him isn’t it. I mean it’s emotional wanking, every time he orders yet more toys or chocolate he gets the dopamine hit from thinking what a great dad he is. It really doesn’t sound like your kids get mos much out of it? Do they have voiced preferences, eg for a sit down Christmas dinner, one or two big presents, etc?
it’s not surprising you have a child who doesn’t like to throw things out, if they have a parent insisting this is all a display of love.

Plus any presents he wants to bring into the house, the equivalent needs to go first. Can you try and sell anything of the kids and offer them a cut of the cash?

He gets his way because you let him. You need to push back, for the health of your children and yourself. Don't let yourself get pushed around.

We have the opposite problem in our house, DH would happily get them 1 or 2 presents each. Tries to tell them Santa isn’t real when they are still young and is a general dick about anything that they might get excited about. He also has been known to keep presents from our eldest until he showed gratitude for what he had. I hate the way he approaches Christmas. We fall out every year over it

@betterusername This is is a bigger-than-Christmas-problem. Your husband is treating you with contempt and not allowing you to voice any of your needs or showing willingness to compromise on your differing views. Plus he's spending money you don't have/that you need for more important stuff and ignoring your children's health needs. That's abuse. There may be worse cases but it doesn't make it not so. I'd have a think about that and be working out my next move. You need to change this dynamic either through something like couple counselling or ending your marriage, depending on how many similar examples of this nasty behaviour there are.

Your husband enjoys stressing you out and making you miserable, you have no control over your life because he devalues you and he is training the kids to see you as someone who tries to suck the joy out of their lives. He not only encourages your obese child to gorge on chocolate and the other to lose his teeth to decay which is abusive he makes Christmas as miserable as he can for you. He overspends on meaningless tat, makes sure the kitchen is unusable by having the table moved into there and then when you try and talk to him about it he makes out you are trying to suck the joy from all their lives. After the festivities are over he then tries to gaslight you into taking the blame for your house overflowing with all the toys he has bought. You even said @betterusername that he is buying toys the dc are not interested in or will play with. He loves the control and misery he is inflicting on your lives and enjoys your unhappiness.

I would argue that he is making Christmas about healing his wounds and it’s not about his kids at all.
He is being incredibly wasteful and definitely not meeting the needs of his children.
Can you explain that to him?

Tell him that you don’t want to be a Scrooge but you need a table that is usable. Remind him/show him that the kids have toys/games they haven’t even touched that he bought them last year and therefore he should try to be more selective in buying presents for the kids as you can spend that money better on days out/a holiday. We aim to buy a shared board game we can play together as a family, then I do the something you want, something you need, something to read, something to wear and something to do. We tend to get them two from each category at the moment as what they have wanted isn’t overly expensive but I have told DD if he wants things that cost more, he won’t be able to have two ‘things he wants’ that cost £150 or more so he needs to have a few smaller things too. They also get a present from Santa (which can’t be too big, as Santa has to give a present to all the children so he can’t do really big or expensive presents). They get a stocking with a few chocolates/sweets, some small toys/games like uno cards/dobble/top trumps/fidget toys etc.

MiL goes nuts and buys them a load of plastic tat that breaks easily and half of it is in the bin by Easter 🙄

My parents buy a few things for them (tend to do same as us with the 5 presents but on a smaller scale) then give us money towards an annual pass for us to have days out with the kids.

What about suggesting you go away for Christmas? When our kids were 5-18 we alternated a Christmas at home and a Christmas skiing, yes its expensive but the memories we made lasted far longer than any Christmas present 🥰

Sounds like DH has Christmas issues.
Was he poor as a child? Were his Christmases disappointing?

My suggestion would be couples therapy, honestly. It will help get to the bottom of the values you each have for Christmas and will help mediate a compromise

Ahhhh see now I’m at LTB. He is spending money you don’t have, and making your children unhealthy.

Time for him to go. You can spend the time you have with them making sure they don’t end up super obese or have rotting teeth, and he can blow his money on junk and end up in debt on his own.

Your thread is about Christmas, but is this the only area he over rides you and makes life very difficult?

I’m not sure this is all about Christmas. Did he have a deprived childhood? Everyone I know who does these piles of presents at Christmas is a bit desperate and very sad underneath and it’s definitely filling some unmet need to prevent their kids having the same sort of childhood they had (apart from the odd ones who are doing it for social media). His over the top reactions are a clue.

If though his family is normal and well adjusted, he’s just a twat who has no idea how to be part of a partnership or a family and should go and live on his own in his ideal Christmas house like a festive Miss Havisham.

Either way he needs to learn that things do not = love.

Each year i scale it back and this year its getting scaled back more. Few xmas decs and a few gifts is more than enough. A few nice things to eat done. I hope you can do the same. My hubby is a scrooge so he doesnt care what we do so may be easier. Good luck.

I’m the Christmas lover in our house but there’s definitely a balance. We have two kids (will be 5 and 1 at Xmas) and we try our best to make it sort of organised chaos. I will admit I love a big tree and traditional decorations across the whole house, and I wouldn’t get a small tree, but I also don’t buy heaps of new decor every year or move furniture to accommodate a tree (and my house isn’t big by any means). We don’t go overboard with presents, underneath the tree has no need to be full, and i routinely clear out toy drawers in the lead up to Xmas and chuck things that aren’t played with to make room for new. Your husband needs to understand that kids don’t need a thousand new things to enjoy Christmas when they’re not even going to be opened, the decorations from previous years are absolutely fine to use, and regardless of income nobody ever needs to throw thousands of pounds away for any of it, and this is coming from someone who loves Christmas so much I pre plan, buy presents from June onwards, live in the range etc at this time of year, decorate in November and watch Christmas films year round. He can love Christmas as much as he wants but he still needs to have enough common sense to not spend money you don’t have and throw so much sugar around that it affects your kids health.

This.

And this year you will all be doing Christmas your way. He’s had it his way for years, so this year it is your turn.

Proposal A: The table will stay in place and there will be a small tree, which will be put up on or after 1st December.

Proposal B: Use some of the thousands of pounds he wastes on presents that the kids don’t want to go away for Christmas. Book a cottage. You could even eat Christmas lunch out. There will still be something available to book for a family of four.

He sounds insufferable. If he’s so disrespectful and controlling with money, I would be seriously thinking about whether to leave him.