Kids Xmas when they already have too much stuff and Dh goes mad.

God how infuriating. This would drive me up the wall. It does sound as though you have bigger problems with your DH that he can so readily disregard your wants/needs. But probably not going to be able to tackle that in one post.

I do a massive declutter/vinted/charity shop drive before every birthday and Christmas. I put a load of stuff away in boxes while their at school and wait to see if anything is mentioned. If not mentioned in a week or so then it's gone.

I ask family and friends for yoto cards that take up no space. In fact the purchase of a yoto player has literally saved my house.

If they've got loads of unopened stuff under their beds, just sell it! Get it gone. You might have a disgruntled child for a few hours but they'll get over it.

This is all about him, not the children. And he has no respect for you. It sounds awful.

Did your husband have a miserable time at Christmas as a child and now trying to recreate good ones? Could you buy a smaller table to fit in your kitchen and get rid of the old one? Do your children like the same type of Christmas as Dad?

To me, it sounds like this is a mental health or psychological issue on his end that he needs therapy for! Like he's worried about his children thinking he doesn't love them enough, because he feels unloved - that kind of thing. He's defintely overcompensating for something.

When he fires back shots like "you're turning into your mum", what do you say to him? Do you give as good as you get? "Well you're overcompensating for a miserable childhood and need therapy". I'd be tempted to stoop to his level for starters.

Next, I'd create a mountain of the untouched, unused clutter from last year, and pile it on his side of your bed. The arts and crafts stuff, etc. Ask him to take it to the charity shop. I'd put it on his bed so he has to deal with it before he can go to bed.

Mind you, I would probably do none of that and just get divorced because I can tell this is going to be the tip of the iceberg, isn't it...

OP this sounds stressful.

Would he be willing to buy less if the kids made a list and were specific about stuff they would actually like? It sounds like he’s compensating for something or trying to give his kids something he didn’t have? When what they would probably like more is less stuff and more fun? My other question is who’s paying for this, and can you afford it? Surely he can’t enjoy spending £1000s just for it to be wasted and not used? And then he’s skint/in debt all year round? What a waste!

Id start with clearing out as much as you can from years gone by, lots of charities and food banks will be collecting gifts and they’d be well used and loved in a different home.

There has to be a middle ground here, he can’t just bulldoze his way in and decide ifs only his Christmas the way he wants it and you have to suffer! A smaller Christmas that doesn’t stress you out isn’t miserable! It’s adjusting as your kids are older.

He is a Christmas Nazi and you have to tell him so. Having to put the tree and presents in the window makes it sound as if the most important thing is how it looks from the outside- you have to challenge him and tell him party food instead of Christmas dinner so he can display is not acceptable.

OP you are being reasonable, and I would argue actually being kind and loving to your DC. Overcelebration will lead to spoilt children, more difficult teenagers and in any case, is it environmentally friendly to have so much tat?

Its very difficult.if he loves christmas and perhaps wants to give his DC the christmas he dreamed of as a kid, its really upsetting when someones telling you to tone it down - it spoils the fun.

Agree with a pp, its diet year round causing obesity, not a day or even a week of treats at christmas.

On the gifts, im guessing its the experience of the look of a pile under the tree & lots to open. Can you show enthusiasm for the day and not be a buzz kill, but redirect it so you arent left with unused toys.... is there anything a bit bulky you actually need (garden item etc) that you can wrap for under the tree? Kids need/grow out of things like pjs, big fluffy dressing gowms & slippers, make it a tradition to clothes bank the outgrown ones each year in the run up to christmas and have the new ones under the tree?

Instead of piles of plastic tat look at gifts that are better for your lifestyle like bikes or

Your husband wont want you grumbling/spoiling the joy of planning it. That doesnt mean you cant make changes but suggest them from a positive, enthusiastic place:

"Lets get a bike for tom this year, he needs more exercise. It'll take a lot of space under the tree so there wont be room for as many bits & bobs but he'll be SO excited when he sees it! You better figure out how to wrap it in a bedsheet"

This year we have decided that the children are having some presents and then an activity each month. Each activity, I will make a print out and maybe a tiny little something to go with it’.

e.g
February- Harry Potter studio tickets- with a small Harry Potter themed present.

August- I’ve booked Paddington the musical tickets- with a small Paddington themed present.

My parents are paying for Legoland annual passes- so we will book a few near by premier inn (my kids love the moon hotel)- with a set of Lego each. They also want to stay in a Legoland hotel, so may do that.

Will still cost £100s but will be more meaningful and won’t have ‘crap’ all around my house!

We have two children- 1 boy- 13 and 1 girl- 7

I couldn't put up with him. Buying stuff is pointless when it's stuff they neither need or want. Agree with the previous poster about the kids' health. Xmas does not have to be a pile of tat. He makes yours a miserable time anyway.
Could you go to your mum's house instead and let him get on with it alone?

Why does he make all the decisions?

I often watch TV shows about declutterring before I tackle it with the kids. Stacey Dooleys Sort out your life is really good. The kids see the stuff all laid out in the warehouse and ‘get it’ immediately.

As PPs said the unused toys still with labels on will sell particularly well in the run up to Christmas on Vinted.

Can you take this issue to marriage counselling with your DH? I agree with others that he’s treating you with contempt and communication has broken down. It would be good to try to look at some deeper issues rather than get stuck in a power struggle about Xmas.

Have you got an attic for storage?

This sounds so stressful. What are his family like about Christmas? Wondered like a previous poster if he’s trying to compensate for his own childhood Christmases.

Do your kids do Christmas lists? If wonder if that would help him understand what they actually might like. Then it’s also coming from them not you. This selfishness disguised as generosity would infuriate me.

Do you do anything else around Christmas to make it feel special? Like a pantomime, ice skating, Christmas markets type thing. Maybe you could suggest channelling some of the fun into other things so it’s not all just focused on one big day and he might see the joy in doing some activities/ experiences together that just loads of stuff.

Is this just his own money that he’s spending? What does he say about all the stuff under the bed not played with? What if you just say no and mean it? This is really extreme behaviour from him. I wouldn’t care about the comparison to your mother either, sounds like he should take a leaf out of her book, nothing wrong with having a Christmas that fits your home and means.

Maybe you could watch the Grinch together so he can understand Christmas isn’t all about presents.

This is my plan. I also have one that refuses to get rid of anything but also doesn’t play with loads of it so I’m just going to get rid of loads of the toddler/young child stuff when they’re at school one day. Mine are 9 and 6.

I’d give both kids 2 bag: one they have to fill with clothes they no longer wear/no longer fits and one with toys/games/books they don’t play with/read. I would then sort through these bags and decide which to put in a clothes recycling bin and which to take to local charity shops. With husband I would show him the things in the kids room that are untouched and just say it is a waste. We like to do a few things in stockings, 2 presents for kids under the tree and 2 experiences e.g Pantomine tickets and Christmas light/train experience. We always get the kids to do a clear out in the October half term. They themselves go with one of us when we go to the charity shop to donate and with the books they take these to their school. If your husband in insisting on spending lots of money say he can put these in the kids savings account and as the kids get older then can get things as and when they need them. If he is still insisting then you say he has to agree that he will be the one to sort out all the wrapping after the kids have opened presents and he will be the one to make sure each toy/book/item of clothing has somewhere to go in the house.

Even children with obesity and tooth decay deserve to eat lots of chocolate on Christmas Day. It's not a few days of Christmas that's making them fat and unhealthy, it's how they eat the other the 360 days of the year. And that's your responsibility as much as your husband's.

You have a DH problem.
What is he like the rest of the time? Is it only Christmas he goes crazy with spending? Is there any reason behind it (not getting presents as a child so overcompensating).

Can you get a dining table that does fit in the kitchen?

Could you get the kids onboard with giving stuff away to make space, under the guise of helping children who wouldn’t get any presents get some of their old stuff? (And then just take it to the charity shop.)

Or failing that, book a day off and purge all the stuff they won’t notice while they’re at school.

The less solvable problem is that your husband treats you with contempt, and seems like he’s trying to curry favour with the kids in ways that actively harm them. He sounds like a nasty piece of work, I’m sorry OP.

Buy something that’s got longer term impact that you can’t usually afford like a physical magazine/comic subscription or sports club membership or year of music lessons. Or theatre tickets/ days out membership etc.

Is he trying to give his kids the Christmas he wanted as a child? If so, I have some sympathy for him.

I can remember some very lean Christmases as a child. I have two trees, but I do have the space for them. My family says I buy too much food. Maybe I do, but due to my childhood, good luck to anyone who tries to stop me from having an abundance of goodies at Christmas.

Hopefully your children will soon be at the age where the expensive Christmas gifts don't take up too much space. Can you encourage gifts that are less stuff and more experiences. You all get to have a great time and don't have stuff yo put away.

My youngest has always loved live music - concert tickets were a standard gift growing up - they take up no room in the house and make no mess. Also gave us some fantastic quality time together. Would your boys be interested it tickets for anything - sports matches, monster truck rallies, music, cinema? A trip to legoland?

About now, before Christmas, ask your two kids to donate half their toys to charity.
It will make other kids' Christmases more joyful. Also donate some Christmas decorations.
Take both DC for a dental check up. DH takes them. Listen to dentist's advice on lollies. Sweets etc. Chocolate is much better than dried fruit and sticky lollies.

Get into the Christmas spirit and support DH attempts to decorate. Brain storm how the table can fit better as a family. Can one bedroom be a dining room for one day?
Can the train and some gifts be added on Christmas Eve?

@betterusername
Have you asked the kids what Christmas means to them?
Maybe have a family meeting, all of you write down what you love about Christmas and make those a focus.

some suggestions:

Tree: Have a soft launch, put all decorations up as early as he likes but the tree goes up a week or two before. (We did that last year and it was lovely, stopped us getting bored of the Dec's and was a nice boost closer to Christmas)

Suggest a Christmas away. Maybe too late for this year but it would save buying all the crap and get you out of the house.

Ask to alternate years of his 'consumer Christmas' and your 'simplicity and love' Christmas.

Clear out - each child donates a minimum of one bin bag full of toys to charity before the end of November.

I’m not sure Christmas alone is your problem here OP. More, your husband’s insane overspending, the obesity and tooth decay.

No, he’s not allowed go overboard at Christmas, if money, space and your children’s health are at risk. Can’t he see that?? Time do sit down and have an adult conversation, about why things need scaling back this year?