Kids Xmas when they already have too much stuff and Dh goes mad.

Oh I’d hate that OP , I really would .
Spending large sums of money you don’t have ,to buy things your kids don’t want or need .
I have 3 adult children and I got really annoyed when they were young and there was just too much “ stuff “ at Christmas.
It wasn’t me buying it !
My youngest has autism and hoards things and the oldest hung onto too much stuff which I’ve had to gradually get rid of after she left home permanently.
Middle child is more like me and is tidier .
One good thing is as they got older I got them experiences ( concert and theatre tickets for example ) and things that could be used up .
I think this year things ought to be done your way and thereafter you need to compromise.
Decorations for Christmas needn’t take up floor and table space .
You can hang wreaths and garlands , have window stickers , have outside lights etc .
over the next 3 months you can get your kids to help clear things out and donate them or try to sell them

usual MN phrase. You don't have a christmas problem, you have a husband problem.

I can't understand how people like OP's DH can equate buying piles of presents, most of which is probably plastic tat and other rubbish which the kids will never even look at, with being mindful of 'saving the planet' which presumably he is on board with?

My DH really annoys me when he buys his grandchildren expensive plastic toys and gimmicks every year, none of which we ever see them playing with. I have suggested one or two presents each and then either money, clothes or at least something useful, but he doesn't listen to me!

This Christmas gluttony has to stop - I mean how are the kids of today going to outdo their parents when they have children themselves, or will we gradually re-adopt a more restrained and traditional Christmas?

Another tradition we have is that the Christmas tree gets put up on first day of school holidays- we did it all together.

It comes down a couple of days before they get back to school. Both done with great tra and funfair!

That would limit the time spent eating in an cramped space.

I want to send you support OP. I've been through similar and know how hard it is.
Is he using a credit card to make the purchases?

Re: the table. Does it have to go in the kitchen for Christmas dinner or could it be brought back into the living room just for that one meal so you have enough room? Plenty of people end up with a table in the middle of the living room, or an extra temporary table, at Christmas to accommodate more people!

It doesn't sound like anything is going to change his mind about the ludicrous amount of presents. My daughter does this and our grandchild is clearly overwhelmed and ultimately uninterested after about the first 15 parcels. Last year he waded through hundreds of pounds worth of gifts and spent the evening playing cards with me. But I'm.wondering if you could get a smaller table that folds down and extends?

“He puts it up earlier and earlier each year so I have to try and get to the cooker, sink, cupboard, washing machine and tumble dryer while bending round a table and chairs.”

Why isn’t access to the cooker, sink, washing machine and tumble dryer a problem for him too? Let me guess…you’re a woman who does everything domestically and so he has free time to live his Christmas fantasies? What is this modelling to your kids about women’s roles?

Ugh. I’m sympathetic to your plight married to an oblivious dick, but really? Some women just don’t help themselves.

When my children were younger (they are 13 & 11 now) we lived in a 2 up 2 down that didn't have loads of space. They shared a bedroom. One has a birthday in November and the other one at the very start of January.

So what I would do from a very young age is at the start of November we would go through all their toys/crafts together to donate to the nursary they attended (so lots of kids could get fun out of them). All the stuff they didn't bother much with.

I told them that we needed to make room for new presents as santa couldn't bring things if there was no space for them and that being kind and donating them would get them on the good list.

Now they are older they still have a clear out in November totally unprompted by me where they donate their stuff to charity even tho they now have their own rooms and more space.

Is this something you could do with your children?

Sorry to derail the thread, but I’ve never thought of this before. A reverse advent is a brilliant idea.

This is not good and he is not parenting very well, by the sounds of this. The thousands he spends on Christmas decorations and unwanted and unnecessary presents could be far better spent.
Do you have a nice holiday each year? Do the kids have hobbies outside the home?
This is about him, more than anyone else, and he might benefit from some talking therapy to get to the bottom of his reckless spending and unaffordable extravagance.
He says he is 'allowed' to treat his kids. I say you are 'allowed' to have some boundaries around how much crap they eat, and how much planet destroying rubbish your family is consuming, regardless of the time of year.
He sounds really difficult to live with.

OK So Hubby needs therapy asp. Overweight child needs help asap. You need to really look at the dynamic in your home and set limits. You also need to be prepared to leave. This isn't about Christmas but a husband with no boundaries.

Why not take yourself away for a few days over xmas?

This makes me feel stressed reading it. I hate ‘stuff’ being out, we have a lot of ‘stuff’ but it has homes and I’m not looking at it all day.

My plan of action would be:

1. Tree goes up in December only to limit the inconvenience of the table
2. Kids have to pick up after themselves, I refuse to do it. I’ve been known to stand and point at something left out (usually bloody apple cores) and ask who’s it is and tell them to bin it. It’d be quicker and easier to do it myself but I refuse, they make the mess, they sort it.
3. Get decent storage. Even if you don’t like it, if stuff has a home then it’s less of an issie
4. Your kids aren’t babies so a ‘stay away from the train track’ should be enough. If they dick about and ruin it that’s on them and their dad to solve
5. Stick anything unopened on Vinted or marketplace. I tell mine I’ll split the profits with them to give them an incentive to get rid of stuff.
6. If they refuse the above I give them an ultimatum and say we have to sort stuff out, either you help and get a say in what stays or I do it myself and you don’t. I find this especially helpful for my one with hoarder tendencies.
7. Before points 5 and 6, do a sweep yourself while they are in bed. Throw out the crappy broken stuff, and anything you hate or is annoying and when they ask where it is (which I can 99% guarantee they won’t!) then just say you don’t know.

There is a clearing up method I like to use (can’t recall whose idea it is). It is, for every item you buy or bring into the house, give away or permanently remove the old item in the same category from the house. For example, if you buy a new kitchen appliance, then get rid off an old one.

Oh no…I think I might be your husband in my own relationship.
My husband moans endlessly about the piles of toys and presents.
I just always remember that ‘WOW’ moment of coming downstairs on Christmas day and seeing a massive pile of presents as a child and now want to recreate it for my own children.
If I see something I think they will like I will buy it and put it away for Christmas. I already have a sizeable pile 😬. It’s like an impulse I can’t really stop. I try to cut down but in truth it doesn’t really happen

Find a new mantra for Christmas.

Oh DH, I have noticed the DC don't play with xyz anymore, they say its for babies. But the expressed the wish to go and see y musical, want x design hoodie, .... time spent together is more important than presents! And less is more!
And one of my top tips: we always had a clear out before birthday & Christmas to make space for the new stuff.

Set some time aside and do it with the DC to teach them good habits. Any stuff that is unopened or in good condition eBay, vinted or charity shop. If you sell your DC things, give them a pocket money boost as a reward.

I like some aspects of Christmas, the food, the partying and family time. But I hate the retail feast for plastic tat & stuff, that, let's be honest is an environmental disaster and ends up in landfill.

My kid is the same age and he doesn't play with toys either. We focused on other things. A mobile phone, tv for his room or a laptop. A games console and soke games. A board game. They will be happier with something they'd live than a pile of stuff. We often buy experience days too.. tickets for something for the following year. I think it depends what tour kid is in to.

i personally think that “How you Do Christmas” should be on the list of things along with financial attitudes and children that should be discussed before anyone gets married. People can get quite fixed that the way things were for them as a kid is the Right Way. Or sometimes if it wasn’t then they will go to extremes the other way.
but then you have 2Right Ways that need to slot together somehow.
it might be worth having a family meeting about Christmas where everyone gets to say what thing about Christmas is really important to them & see if you can work it out?

He’s very selfish and should be coming up with a compromise that helps ALL of you enjoy Christmas. He needs to find somewhere else for the tree to go, you need to access your kitchen. I have a long fold up camping table that we have Xmas dinner around as our dining table is very small, I put a Xmas table cloth on and decorate it then fold it away after Boxing Day. Is that an option? If he wants to spend lots on presents I think he should also be investing in solutions for space. Tell him the table is NOT in the kitchen this year, if you want to do the usual santas grotto then you can figure out where it’s going. You don’t have much money but he’s finding it from somewhere to buy it all! Spend some of it helping you to enjoy Christmas too!
What are the kids saying? Do they still have the ‘magic’ feeling of Xmas? By that age I wanted a new bike or tv or gaming console. I have one memory of my skint mum creating a MOUNTAIN of presents under the tree when my sis and I were about 6 and 8 and it was so exciting. That one memory will last a life time, it doesn’t need to happen every year! He needs to realise things change as they get older.
And most importantly, he’s not listening to you!!
Why do your Christmas memories with your children get to be ruined by the stress he causes?
Take back control, tell him what you don’t want and get him to sort an alternative. If he really doesn’t care and just does it anyway then you have a bigger problem and can have my first LTB

What do your kids like and dislike about Christmas? Do they love the tree and the train track? Do they still believe in Father Christmas?
If so then cull things now. Can you get a smaller table for the kitchen and leave the bigger one in a friends shed or at your mums for a month? Put your foot down that nothing starts until December 1st.

If not would suggest going away for Christmas.
Theres tons of availability if you go to Spain that celebrates on Jan 6th rather than Christmas Day. A big city like Barcelona has all the lights and Christmas sparkle plus a few Spanish extras. It’s amazing.
There’s nothing like being somewhere else to get a sense of whats important.

How do the kids feel about it? Do they even enjoy Christmas like this? It should be about them ultimately. Yes your DH can and should have his fun too but not to the detriment of his family.

It all sounds a bit silly. I get it because I love Christmas too but I wouldn’t be squeezing round a dining room table for weeks to be able to cook just so he can have a massive tree with a train.

Piles of presents is a very working class thing, my mum was the same. I got to an age where I was just a bit like- why is she doing this? She’d buy shit we would never ever use as “stocking fillers” every year e.g slippers, hot water bottles, dressing gowns, even when she knew I never used them. I read JD Vance’s memoir and he recalls how he visited his wife’s family and at Christmas they got one another one gift each which shocked him. His family had always got into debt to give him piles of tat. I found it heavily relatable, my mum did this too.

Glue or nail the table down so he can't move it. He'll find somewhere else to put the tree.

Don't clean up the parcel mess. I'd suggest to him that he get a recycling bag and a rubbish bag and make it a requirement that the children dispose of the wrappings appropriately after each gift is opened, before opening the next.

Agree to a cap on total spending for Christmas presents before shopping starts, assuming you have a shared budget.

Make donating last year's stuff his problem. Institute a one in one out policy, so he donates something no longer used for each gift he buys.

It's not your job to make sure the children don't touch the train or walk on the track; you didn't put it there. Do you even care if they do? If it's a hazard it should go out of the children's reach. If not, it's their house too; he should stop being mean and let them play with it.

It's not "fun" to live in a pigsty and to have to skimp because you've bought mounds of tat that ends up as landfill, so tell him he's "no fun" back if that's mainly what he cares about.

Your needs and wants are every bit as important as his.

9 & 10? Why don’t they play with toys anymore?

And experience/event tickets can be wrapped in such a way that you could
still get either a pile under the tree, or could turn it into something else (a hunt?) since that is clearly important to him.
I think there are other questions here about your relationship, but you might be able to sort this issue out, but it’s going to take some sensible and sympathetic conversations, possibly out of the house & maybe with a therapist and also compromise on both sides.