Kids Xmas when they already have too much stuff and Dh goes mad.

He doesn't care because XMAS

Honestly. Tell your DH a few presents each then start a savings fund for driving lessons/uni. Does he even realise how expensive the next 8 years are going to be?

Whilst it's totally understandable that he wants your DC to have a nice Christmas etc, perhaps your DH needs reminding that kids just want a nice time - it's not all about material things. Of course, you can get DC presents and ask them to write a Christmas list but I find that the more mine get, the less they appreciate them in any case! Less is more sometimes and ultimately they will only ever remember those one or two extra special items they got in a pile of presents. Most importantly they will remember the feelings and memories they had around that time which doesn't always equate to material things. Sorry, but I want to give your DH a bit of a shake! He sounds like a materialistic a$$hole and needs to get his priorities straight. Perhaps he could spend some of his excess money on taking them on experiences that won't clutter up your house? I remember mine loving the Polar Express train ride at that age. They still talk about it now, nearly a decade on....
We used to take them to a live nativity and again have cherished memories....they still want to go now as teenagers for the nostalgia.
They might love a Christmas pantomime or other theatre trip? Again, no clutter.
Lovely winter family walks. Board games. Films.
Mine also love buying things for others and still insist we fill a shoe box for our local rotary club charity for disadvanted kids.
Tell DH it's as much about the effort and time you spend with them making Christmas memories than it is about the presents. Honestly, he would annoy the hell out of me with his attitude.

@Doone22

a husband who fills the house full of shit they can’t afford and buys their already overweight child loads of junk food and over rides the wishes of his wife most definitely IS worse than a husband who hates Christmas, by a loooooooong way.

That's difficult, its certainly better than a husband that hates Xmas. Maybe you can try and make some new traditions between you? Sit down with him to make a plan. Try to work out which bits really make Xmas for him? And for the kids?
Also clear out in advance. Sell stuff or start a toy library or donate.
For me its the silly games and food and films on. A box of chocs, bottles of fizz and Christmas stocking rather than big presents.
When mine was younger I used to box them all up and dole them out at intervals or reward them as gifts for birthdays or other kids.
Maybe start a tradition of one present a day starting on Christmas eve. Give your hubby a number to stop at.

Interesting that DH is keen to spend loads of money on fun stuff, but not worried about the kid's health or the state of the home. Fun Dads are the worst.

Go stay with your mum and see how long he lasts without you doing the Actual Work in the background that allows him to play Holly Jolly Father Christmas every year 😒

@betterusername opinion gets ridiculed and dismissed because her husband actively sets out to cause as much inconvenience and unhappiness to her as possible. I’m guessing she is always walking around on eggshell trying to regulate his moods.
He is a shit husband and father who doesn’t care that the presents he buys are not to the children’s taste, it’s his way of spoiling any celebration for everyone.
Your children deserve better than living with him and so do you, he is determined to ruin their health and doesn’t know what they actually like or wish to receive as a gift. He insists on moving the table into the kitchen to make way for the tree deliberately so you don’t have the space to cook, clean or do any washing.
He is a nobody who gets overlooked, dismissed and bossed about at work because he coasts through life doing the least amount he can and he he feels anger and resentment that he is treated that way so takes it out on you and the dc. He can control you all make everything about himself, he doesn’t care that you are unhappy because he doesn’t care or like any of you. I bet he has an extraordinary small penis too :)

Then this is almost a solved problem. You’ve got a few more years at best until they couldn’t care less about all this.

I'm obsessed with Christmas so probably more like your husband, but why is it all his decision? He must know you disagree with spending a fortune on presents when you can't afford it, and moving the table into the kitchen so 'you' have no room to work around it (doesn't he do anything around the house?). Why is it just what he says goes?

I also shift furniture to get the tree in the front window, but the difference is that we've got the space to move things, and it's just me and my son so pretty much my decision.

Can you children help to intervene with their dad? They can't really be bothered by piles and piles of stuff if it's all things they don't want/won't use - why do they not say 'Dad, you keep giving us stuff we don't want, here are our lists of things we'd like this year...' and then maybe you can assist when they write their lists and make sure they keep amounts sensible?

A general household declutter before Christmas - maybe selling some unused gifts and using the money to offset Christmas costs might be useful too.

Hmmm...for my daughters first 2 Christmases I so went a bit mad and bought far too many toys. I've finally realised that less is more! Could you get everyone yo have a pre Christmas clear out? Speak to your husband about setting a budget for Christmas gifts? And also could you get a smaller tree that could go somewhere else in the house so the table doesn't have to be moved? I know all that's already been suggested but you need to both compromise on things? If he is spending thousands of your money on gifts that isn't fair. Why can he not cut down to a more affordable Xmas?

We have a small table top Christmas tree inside, but just outside the window we have a beautiful outside tree. Could you do that? Then you wouldn't have to put the table in the kitchen.

Can you talk to him about the fact it's not the gift buying you have an issue with, it's 'what' the gifts are.
E.g. instead of buying arts and crafts things the kids won't use, buy them a computer game, some new books and then family tickets for you all to go to a theme park/ theatre show etc?

I remember one Christmas my Aunt brought us tickets to go and see Cinderella pantomime and she wrapped us up a 'clue' each. It was just as exciting and meant we had a lovely experience together as a family.

Could you suggest as you have a small house that's filled to the brim, you lean more into spending money on family experiences?

And if he must buy more decorations, can it be clever ones that are on the wall or something so they don't take space up on the floors/ sides?

Perhaps framing it in a different way, showing that you too enjoy Christmas, you just don't like the overwhelming feeling off all the stuff, especially when things get wasted.

Now my children are older, their present piles are much smaller and often more practical! It's just what happens as they grow.

He's over compensating which im presuming is related to his own issues. But if he's spending money you haven't got then it's affecting your lives.
He's desperate to show the kids he loves them. I'd be guessing that deep down he feels unloved. Or maybe that he deserves a treat. Im an armchair psychologist so don't trust me
But I would go to some relationship counselling - you can't talk about it without it being about Christmas and I think that's a red herring.
I think you need to get to the bottom of what it is for both of you. You seem more upset about the change in routine, of where things should be. Autistic?
There's things to think about and compromises to be made. You could focus on decoration and make the whole house magical and really good storage solutions for putting it away.
But if you don't tackle the underlying root causes and see it as a joint issue not him in the wrong, you won't get anywhere. And I think you need an umpire to ensure you hear the other and challenge without it turning into a fight

Can you say to him.
We cut down a lot this year. Ask the kids to do a wish list. Still have presents and a lovely Christmas Morning
Then the money you save, book a table at a lovely, local restaurant.
I feel torn as I am kinda with your DH on making it magical and special. But also with you on it’s unnecessary and they don’t appreciate it.

I think OP is too uptight and a bit mean but your DH sounds actually abusive!

Withholding presents??!!
Absolutely not!

I honestly would separate over this issue and I think you’re going to struggle to have any sort of relationship with your kids when they grow up.

It made me really sad that your 9 and 10 year old dont play with any toys, and are overweight with tooth decay. I’d use that as your starting point to be honest

Your husband sounds quite dense, OP.

@ToKittyornottoKitty

his way doesn’t sound nice at all. The house sounds like a cluttered mess and they can’t afford it.

OP, that sounds really stressful and anxiety-inducing. It sounds like you have been really resilient until now and have coped amazingly with having your every need or desire be overridden. As others have pointed out here, Christmas is showing you the symptoms of a deeper issue that you have as a couple.

You bring up what worries or annoys you - table obstructing everything in the kitchen making daily tasks much more difficult, spending huge amounts of money you do not have, giving sweets to your children who are already struggling with weight and tooth decay- and he meets those legitimate concerns with deflection and contempt. Ie ’you’d like that wouldn’t you’ and ’you’re turning in to your mum.’ Neither of those responses point to an emotionally literate adult with whom you can create a safe space. It sounds like you’ve sucked things up, expressed concerns, and been overridden. So where is your say in this partnership? When do you get to feel good about your home, how you celebrate, what you spend on and how you raise your children? These are fundamental issues, not a disagreement around Christmas.

You can’t control his behaviour but you could try to calmly point out how his actions and responses make you feel - stressed, minimised and not listened to - and that is not how you want your partnership to be. If he’s not willing to listen, then you will have to ask yourself what choices you are willing to make. If you choose to accept how things are and stay, then that’s a choice. But then make it a conscious one. Wishing you all the very best OP, sending support.

You should fall out permanently and divorce the miserable twat

Your DH has some sort of trauma around Xmas and this is how he shows his love.

I am the same and it’s not something you can just switch off.

It makes it worse because you and him are opposites and you both get defensive when trying to discuss it.

I compromise with myself by buying things that my DC will need throughout the year - eg bedset, pencil case, stationary for school, new drinks bottle, clothes, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant etc - things that I know I’ll need to buy them and so it’s not a waste of money but they get to open lots of things still.

I will still buy actual gifts but only a handful of things that they actually want, instead they f just buying crap because of some weird guilt I have.

Could you try and compromise and do something like this?
It’s also not going to happen overnight, it will be unfair on your DC to change things too quickly too.
As they get older it naturally gets easier to stop giving them toys.

Regarding chocolate and sweets - your DC did not get overweight because of Xmas. That is not yours and DHs doing all year round.

Chocolate and sweets last a long time, so let them have some and then put the rest away.

You seem too uptight and he seems too loose.

This is bigger than Christmas. It sounds as if your husband doesn't actually like you.

I think that this is a bigger issue than the Christmas tree and the presents underneath it!

It is ultimately about who gets to decide how your living space and money is used, and it all comes to a head at Christmas.

I like Christmas, and I do get the whole 'pile of presents under the tree' thing (even though I'm too middle-class to actually engage in this). Telling the OP's husband this isn't environmentally friendly comes across as a bit pompous tbh.

I had a friend with a similar background/family values, but they used to do things to disguise what the gift actually was and make it look much bigger, i.e. place a smaller gift inside a bigger box and wrap it up and put it under the tree. Disguising presents when wrapped up became a bit of a family sport, and part of the fun. Plus they always had a 'massive pile of presents' under the tree.

I think there was an engagement ring in a washing machine box one year...

Ffs! It's all for him- not for the kids. Tell him this year the gifts won't be physical unless practical: new electic toothbrushes, books, pyjamas, clothes etc. The rest can be experiences or gift cards. He's really selfish posing as generous.