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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

343 replies

EugenieGreen · 11/09/2026 12:50

This is not a thread about decisions B&G have made.

Every one of the same ‘status’/‘tier’ has been treated exactly the same. No one has been singled out.

One spouse has been invited to a wedding on their side. Large famous hotel, they do not have exclusive use of this hotel but obviously have exclusive use of certain rooms etc.

The uninvited spouse wants to stay at the hotel which their spouse has paid for (at slightly discounted price). Watch a film in peace, use gym/ spa luxuriate a bit. Would be nowhere near wedding party, would not impinge, would not hang out with in-laws and spouse whose family it is, would not feel the need at any point to check in on spouse.

Aunt/mother of groom says not acceptable.

if you were spouse would you do this or do you think it’s rude? **

OP posts:
Bananacrepewithnuts · 11/09/2026 22:04

Duchoftheterrace · 11/09/2026 12:52

No, it's absolutely fine.

This.

SerafinasGoose · 11/09/2026 21:41

LeedsLoiner · 11/09/2026 13:52

If all the invited spouses have had to pay for the room anyway I'd be putting together a WhatsApp group for the "uninvited" and planning our own night out.

Show quote history

Careful. You'll almost certainly have more fun than attending another tedious wedding! And we can't be having that.

RockinCara · 11/09/2026 21:36

DailyPlanner · 11/09/2026 21:07

If you are invited to a wedding, you see a spouse and wonder why they are not joining, and are told they were not invited, but they came to the venue,

in real life you cringe and laugh "meow, someone is offended and making a point" 😂

I wouldn’t think that at all. Especially if they told me they had been to the spa etc. If I saw them peering angrily through the doorway of the evening reception while it was going on with a face like thunder, then yes, that’s clearly someone peeved.

securityrisk · 11/09/2026 21:27

It does sound a little passive aggressive 'I'm not invited but here I am' sort of thing 😂but then again why waste a double room in fancy hotel , i'd probably go OP and enjoy the facilities. Mistake was letting it slip to Aunt/MOG

DailyPlanner · 11/09/2026 21:07

If you are invited to a wedding, you see a spouse and wonder why they are not joining, and are told they were not invited, but they came to the venue,

in real life you cringe and laugh "meow, someone is offended and making a point" 😂

NimbleTaupeTiger · 11/09/2026 21:01

Strange sort of wedding if no spouses are invited. I think if the hotel room is paid for by the attending spouse then it's no one's business who stays in it apart from the person paying and it's certainly nothing to do with MoG.

BadHabitat · 11/09/2026 20:44

Out of sight and out of mind, they'll feel really guilty bumping into spouse and would likely feel obliged to invite. Then other spouses will find out and go nuts!
Much easier in their minds to make sure spouse is kept far, far away.

I think your suggestion is fine btw.

XMissPlacedX · 11/09/2026 20:22

Of course it’s fine

ArtieChoke · 11/09/2026 19:40

I would think that the mother of the groom and the aunt will be too busy on the wedding day enjoying the wedding breakfast to worry about who is in the spa in another area of the hotel - how would they even know?

Its not as if the room is being paid for by the wedding party, and the discount is from the hotel itself not any of the family

Id keep mum and go for it

Mulledjuice · 11/09/2026 19:31

FromaBubblegumTree · 11/09/2026 16:36

The same thing that happens at breakfast time for all the other paying guests in the hotel that have nothing to do with the wedding.

Do you imagine that the bride and groom have "forbidden" any non-wedding guests from eating breakfast at the expensive hotel that they have paid good money for?

Show quote history

touchy, much?

PeloMom · 11/09/2026 19:24

I’d call the hotel and ask if another person can be added to the room. Assuming it’s ok with them I don’t see why not. Just make sure at peak times (when you know everyone is leaving to the wedding/ breakfast etc) you aren’t anywhere near those areas and lay low.

hourspassed · 11/09/2026 19:24

YANBU to stay in the room with your spouse that you are paying for.

To be honest the wedding sounds a bit crazy with no spouses being invited anyway so I'm not surprised that the MoG is being controlling. But she absolutely cannot stop anyone else staying in the hotel. Just go and don't tell her any more about it. How does she even know or why does she have to know?

forgivingfiggy · 11/09/2026 19:19

It feels a bit pointed and I don’t think it’s appropriate but I can’t really justify my feelings!

Meredithwho · 11/09/2026 19:15

I would 100% do this, especially if it’s a nice hotel! Do it with no shame.

Dottiethelurcher · 11/09/2026 19:11

CooperCopperCapper · 11/09/2026 19:05

Logically I see why so many posters are saying to do it, but my emotional reaction is it could be seen being passive aggressive or a bit cringy to go. I guess it depends how much other people’s opinions bother you!

I agree that on the one hand there shouldn’t be a problem but somehow there is.

Somethinggg · 11/09/2026 19:06

Washingupdone · 11/09/2026 18:55

MoG could be worried about people preferring to be with their spouses than spending the last hours of the wedding reception.

Then they'll need to invite the spouses. Can't have it both ways.

WhatNoRaisins · 11/09/2026 19:06

No one needs to ask anyone else's permission to use a hotel. It's the hotel management's decision whether to ban particular people or not.

CooperCopperCapper · 11/09/2026 19:05

Logically I see why so many posters are saying to do it, but my emotional reaction is it could be seen being passive aggressive or a bit cringy to go. I guess it depends how much other people’s opinions bother you!

MMUmum · 11/09/2026 19:02

EugenieGreen · 11/09/2026 12:50

This is not a thread about decisions B&G have made.

Every one of the same ‘status’/‘tier’ has been treated exactly the same. No one has been singled out.

One spouse has been invited to a wedding on their side. Large famous hotel, they do not have exclusive use of this hotel but obviously have exclusive use of certain rooms etc.

The uninvited spouse wants to stay at the hotel which their spouse has paid for (at slightly discounted price). Watch a film in peace, use gym/ spa luxuriate a bit. Would be nowhere near wedding party, would not impinge, would not hang out with in-laws and spouse whose family it is, would not feel the need at any point to check in on spouse.

Aunt/mother of groom says not acceptable.

if you were spouse would you do this or do you think it’s rude? **

Absolutely nothing to do with anyone in the wedding party, none of their business who else stays at hotel and uses facilities

TorroFerney · 11/09/2026 18:57

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 11/09/2026 14:15

Why do they need to be in a separate room, other guests won’t be in the room. Would be strange for a married couple to get two hotel rooms in the same hotel and kind of defeats the point of it

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Agree - unless there will be some kind of room inspection! As an aside, a bloody weird family where spouses not invited, how many siblings are there? It is giving off we are family and we have no interlopers. Also not true to say no spouses invited as once the couple are married there will be a spouse - do they have to leave after the ceremony!

Washingupdone · 11/09/2026 18:55

MoG could be worried about people preferring to be with their spouses than spending the last hours of the wedding reception.

Jamlighter · 11/09/2026 18:51

Person paying for the room chooses who stays there. No-one else's business.

mopandsmiff · 11/09/2026 18:48

I think it would have been fine if you hadn’t mentioned it, but now that you have and the family has said no, I don’t think you can do it without causing family upset. It’s not worth it just for a fancy bubble bath.

PrincessofWills · 11/09/2026 18:40

FairKoala · 11/09/2026 16:40

Why not? It sounds like it has amazing facilities and why isn’t every other non invited spouse not doing the same

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Hmm, maybe because she has been asked not to.

Weeellokthen · 11/09/2026 18:31

I wouldn't go, it's just too cringy 😊