Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

I think if all cousin spouses not invited it’s fine.
I personally wouldn’t tag along l, but to each their own.

It’s even worse for guests -fancy spa hotel that costs a lot and as a guest at the wedding you can’t generally make any use out of it as check in sat 3, out at 11 and you are either at wedding or have to do brunch the next day?
so no time to enjoy facilities you are paying for unless you pay for another night.

I would just attend by myself the chances of bumping in to someone are just too high. But this is a great lesson in just not sharing information. It’s because the Aunt has said something now it’s in defiance of a wish. Now whilst it is trivial it’s the sort of family calling out that is totally avoidable. MIL doesn’t like her SIL because she didn’t apologise for breaking something at her house about 40 years ago.

The Aunt is upset so all that will be seen is people are willing to upset a relative when no real harm is done by not using the room. Many will just be like the majority on here and think silly cow and others will think it’s unkind and easily avoidable.

I'd definitely make full use of the room & go along to use the spa etc. The wedding party doesn't have exclusive use of the hotel so it's irrelevant what anyone else does.

I have not read the full thread but expect the ‘no spouses invited’ is about cost.
Completely agree with those who said that as it is you are paying for the room, you decide whether your DH stays or not. It sounds fine.
Expect MoG is a bit embarrassed and perhaps there are issues with some family members you are not aware of? You are paying - you choose and it sounds as thought your DH will be actively avoiding causing any issues anyway. Have a nice weekend!!

Because it's a free stay in a fancy hotel with spa, etc . What's hard to understand about that?

@EugenieGreen you're doing nothing wrong. I would go in your place. Why would interfering bat MoG even need to know?

MoG doesn't want your DH there because she's embarrassed that he's not invited. If he wasn't there at all then it would be plausible that he just wasn't able to come. Being there makes it obvious he was available but not invited and it makes them look rude. Obviously he's not going to be there looking sad with his nose pressed up against the window and it's your hotel room so you can do what you like. She doesn't get to control what people who aren't invited can do, just as she doesn't get to control any of the other hotel guests.

I don’t think either side is behaving unreasonably.

Wedding guest lists are difficult. If the wedding is at a fancy hotel, it is likely that the wedding breakfast will not be cheap. Most people don’t have free rein to invite everybody they might want to the wedding.

Between us we have 4 parents, 4 siblings and 6 nephews/nieces. We would want all of them + partners there - so that’s 18 definite family members. Then there are 22 cousins and 10 aunts/uncles by blood. That’s 64 second degree relative guests if all spouses came. So that would be a guest list of 82 before you even start thinking about friends! I can understand why someone would make a decision not to invite cousins’ spouses, not because of any family fall out, but to control the number of guests.

Given that this cousin is paying for the room and the husband is not going to try to interpose himself into any of the wedding celebrations, I don’t see any problem. He’s just another hotel guest.

I absolutely would go and stay! A relaxed evening in a hotel room would be lovely, especially if you can make use of the hotel facilities too. You’ve paid for the room yourselves so the unhappy aunt and mum can piss off, as far as I’m concerned. No one would even need to know.

Yes, fine, especially as the room has been paid for by the couple! If the room was paid for by the bride and groom it would be more borderline but you can’t tell someone they can’t fully use something they’ve paid for!

I’ve been in this situation. I attended the wedding, while partner made use of facilities and nice hotel room for a couple of nights. He didn’t come to the wedding or the breakfast in the morning. It was fine. I don’t think the bride even knew he was there.

Have a nice weekend. I don't know why you would mention what your spouse is doing while you are at the wedding. You will enjoy the travel togeher.

That should be ok , why is it up to them anyway ?

It seems a waste of the room a facilities for the spout not invited to the wedding to not go. I always feel a bit aggrieved when we stop in a fancy hotel for a wedding but don’t really get to enjoy it because we are busy with the wedding the entire time.

^^Agree with this. It looks weird and passive aggressive. I fully believe that to go where you’re obviously not wanted rarely leads to good things.
Sorry this has happened to you. I would be planning a nice couple of days for myself doing something completely different.

i think it’s fine if the wedding don’t know he’s there otherwise it looks like angling for an invite or hanging around to be told it’s ok to pop in. The fact the mother of the groom already knows is this sort of problem.

I completely get if you’ve paid for a room out of your own pocket you want to enjoy it. I don’t see any problem with that.

If I were the bride, I would expect some of the spouses to stay in those circumstances.

Of course it's fine, and aunt/mother of the groom can mind their own business. It's far more of an issue that spouses have not been invited to the wedding, that tells me a lot about the family.

ultimately it is bride and groom's prerogative.who they invite to their wedding but I assume in this case their families are influencing some decisions.

If a wedding guest is paying for own accommodation in an hotel that is open to any paying guests, and a guest has booked a double room for 2 people then clearly 2 people can stay in the room.

I don't think its reasonable for aunt or mother of groom to even suggest that this is not allowed, or even needs to be discussed with them unless possibly aunt and /or mother of groom own the hotel and have located single occupancy rooms to those guests.

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It's weird that the spouse wasn't invited. My partner wouldn't go without me if someone did this but based on the fact this person I'd attending the wedding, if he paid for the room, discounted or not I'd be absolutely using it as a night away to pamper myself. I wouldn't care what anyone thought.

Surely you'd just say you didn't intend going and have no appropriate clothes, but thanks all the same, and best wishes.

The only people whose opinion on this matters is the management of the hotel.

The B&G family do not own the hotel and cannot dictate who stays in any of the rooms.

It's bad enough to not invite spouses, but to sniff at spouses staying the night in a hotel they do not own is ridiculous. Who do they think they are?

It's the husband that's not invited whereas she is from what I gather

If spouse wants to go and enjoy the facilities, spouse should do so.

B&G need to get over themselves

I personally wouldn’t. I’d share with another member of the group who was invited or not go at all, use my money elsewhere.
There is nothing wrong with it, I’d feel I was putting the B&G under pressure to invite spouse as someone is bound to see them.