Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

Feels a bit weird to me, like you're trying to make a point. Even if that's not the case, it'll come across as such because you've already been advised that it'd be considered rude. If you do decide to do it, would you be able to check in discreetly at a time less likely to bump into invited guests and have breakfast in the room to avoid awkwardness?

I think it is fine as long as the spouse avoids the area where the wedding is and avoid the lobby area when the b&g and their family are arriving. Might have breakfast in the room the next morning.

@EugenieGreen if it won't cost the B&G anything then it shouldn't be an issue!

I did the same years ago. I went to my best friend's wedding in a posh hotel, but partners of friends weren't invited as numbers were tight. My boyfriend came anyway and was planning to just chill in the bedroom, use the pool etc...

As it turned out, one of the ancient aunties was ill, so he was offered a seat at a table (not the same table as me!!!!) and got a free meal.

I am the voice of dissent here . I don't think the invited spouse should show up at the wedding venue . It magnifies the fact that spouses weren't invited . And if the other uninvited spouses find out it could cause bad feelings. Not good to show up where you weren't wanted or invited .

Yes, I think that's how we all understand it?

I think it would be beneficial though if the OP could tell us why the spouses were uninvited, rather than not invited in the first place.

I mean - it’s a bit odd (as a pp said - might be a bit awkward at breakfast), but then so is not inviting your cousin’s wife if inviting your cousin. So no clear rules of etiquette on this one! I suppose it does look a bit passive aggressive, but then the couple really can’t control who is staying in a hotel! Would it be an option to stay in a different fancy hotel, in which case, no problem at all?

Why is the invited spouse even going to the wedding? No way would DH or I go to a family wedding where only one of us is invited.

Do you mean ‘not invited’ rather than ‘uninvited’?

I can’t see any problem with this at all. You are merely using a hotel room and facilities that has been paid for. It might get awkward at breakfast time. Maybe you could use room service to avoid seeing the wedding party!

If I understand it, the individual has booked a room at a hotel for the wedding. Other guests unconnected with the hotel are also booking rooms because there is no exclusivity issue, just a certain number of rooms held by the hotel for wedding guests to books with a promotional discount.

So the individual will have a double room single occupancy if they attend alone, but they can upgrade this to double occupancy at minimal cost (ie any costs for breakfast) and their spouse/partner can use the room and all the spa facilities [that are including the room charge but the wedding guest person will not use as attending the wedding]. Ie, the spouse of this guest can have a treat weekend for pretty much no cost?

Of course they can. If the wedding party don’t like it, tough. Why should the spouse/partner incur £150-200 to book a separate room or go somewhere else, when the whole point is that the room and access to facilities is already paid for by the wedding guest, so it’s essentially a free weekend to use hotel facilities and have a luxury breakfast with their spouse in the morning.

Unless there is a back story as to why this spouse/partner is NOT invited, then they have no right to dictate who shares the room - whether it’s a partner or a random they pick up at the bar later that night.

Go and enjoy yourself!

Unless the MOG’s concern is that the non-invited spouse is going to try to get involved somehow with resulting family tension because of the impression that they’ve been included where other spouses are not, it’s really none of their business. I’d have gone and not even said anything, either nobody would ever find out or you’d just say on the day that you’re along for the ride and to use the facilities that your OH has paid for.

LOL this is absolutely fine and anyone saying otherwise is unhinged.

If the B&G want full control of the whole hotel and guests in it they need to book out the whole thing and pay for the rooms too.

Have the wedding party and spouse fallen out?, if so I don't think the spouse should go.

No issue whatsoever. Both DH and I have done exactly this when the other had been invited to work colleague weddings and we had a free weekend without work or other commitments. Why not? Would do it for any wedding only one had been invited to if the other was free and it was convenient.

Yea.....Id be completely disregarding the Aunt.

Enjoy your hotel stay that sounds like a perfect evening. Is there room service? 😍 jealous!

Does the family think that the uninvited spouse will gatecrash in the evening or something? Or that the invited spouse might be distracted and leave early to spend time in the hotel with their spouse? Otherwise I can’t see the problem, and frankly it’s none of the wedding family’s business what the uninvited person does.

Chilling and using the spa sounds nicer than going to a wedding that doesn’t invite spouses and tries to control who uses the hotel.

Completely fine. 100%.

I see, ‘uninvited’ suggested a back story

Why are no spouses invited?

This has unreasonable and appalling etiquette written all over it.

But not the bit about the uninvited spouse staying in the hotel room. That bit is fine. It has been paid for by the invited spouse, and the uninvited one is not attempting to gatecrash the wedding at all.

Yes, can you say why the spouse wasn't invited OP?

This could be key.

They don’t have exclusive use of the hotel?

Totally fine imo. As long as they don’t try to involve themselves in any wedding stuff eg no going up to the reception just to say hi or whatever.