Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

Thinking about it more I definitely wouldn’t go and stay in the hotel if I was the other half not invited.

I think it’s completely fine, the couple don’t own the hotel, you’re not planning to crash the wedding and the room had to be paid for anyway by the spouse so they could attend the wedding. I wouldn’t say any more about it, I’d just go and keep out of everyone’s way so they didn’t know I was there

They don't want you there. Don't want you there. It does not matter if you bring your own food and pay for your room. They don't want you there.

I voted yanbu, but I would have breakfast in my room and would probably treat myself to a trip to the theatre for the evening so that I didn't bump into the wedding party.
If wedding spouse feels that they don't want to upset their Aunt then I would drop it.
Have you posted about this before op, this thread sounds familiar.

Personally I wouldn't want to do this. I would feel awkward and I think it might come across as some sort of "statement". And you say there has been a small discount on the room for the wedding guest, so maybe a bit cheeky. I know that's not especially logical but that's my personal take on it.

I don't see how MoG needs to know. As the not-invited spouse isn't going near any wedding related events. They can have an issue with it all they want, it isn't really any of her business. Unless the invited spouse had been asked (and accepted), sharing a twin room with another attendee, in order to maximise space, it really makes no difference who is actually in the room or using unrelated facilities.

I wouldn't get involved in any further discussions on the matter. Enjoy yourself!

Why do they need to be in a separate room, other guests won’t be in the room. Would be strange for a married couple to get two hotel rooms in the same hotel and kind of defeats the point of it

Seems very odd to me that the MotG has felt it necessary to give an opinion on this, as it has nothing whatsoever to do with her. Maybe she feels that the other not-invited spouses will hear about it and feel annoyed in some way, but still irrelevant, as they could presumably do the same, if they wished. Perhaps she thinks you'll involve yourself in some way, again causing drama because none of the other spouses were included—but if you don't do so, it's nothing to do with her.

You should've just done it without telling anyone tbh. But they've kind of brought it on themselves by just inviting one for an overnight stay. I think providing you keep out of the way of the wedding shenanigans then all is good. And obvs don't incur any extra costs to them.

I would say it's fine. But also mortifying if you bump into anyone at the wedding while you nip back to your room from the spa! Maybe big sunglasses?

So there is a wedding @EugenieGreen and most if not all of the guests are going alone and all the spouses not invited

in a nice hotel which the couple have paid for not the b&g

yes I would go and use the spa etc as obv the wedding group won’t be using it

does seem a weird set up but guess if all partners not invited then no one to get the hump

i personally wouldn’t have mentioned partner coming to the wedding party

How will MoG even know if you are there? Just don't tell her.

Actually, I’ve slightly changed my mind: as the invited cousin I’d be moving my booking to the competing hotel down the road, so my spouse could enjoy their facilities freely whilst I attended the wedding, & no risk of upsetting Auntie.

Of course that might cause a separate issue if the B&G have secured a deal based on filling hotel rooms…but, well, they can discuss that with Auntie.

I thought the spouse was getting a separate room and not interacting with the wedding. If they are in the room it's not OK. Separate room and just using the facilities and keeping out of the way fair enough.

I don't see an issue at all. If you are paying for the room then fill your boots! Why shouldn't you enjoy it?

It's fine, it's a hotel that's open to the public. There's always the option to exclusively book if that's what you prefer.

I wonder if MOG feels awkward about the spouse's not being invited.

The fact that the mother of the groom was told in advance is a possible red flag. Was she told in a light and positive way that you might come and enjoy the hotel room and spa? Or had an issue already been raised along the lines that the not invited spouses are unhappy and in that context she was informed you would be at the venue during the wedding?

Why aren’t spouses invited? Who made that decision? Is the family a bit dysfunctional or is this a financial issue? Is it normal for the mother of the groom to be difficult or is this unusual? What reason did she give for her concern?

OP, you haven’t given us enough information to be able to give an accurate view as there are so many little details that could change things. How do you feel about not being invited? Is that the root issue?

Feels a bit passive aggressive.

I can see how it might make the bridal party feel uncomfortable, but realistically they can't stop the spouse staying. They might feel that it highlights the fact the person isn't invited and this makes things awkward. Maybe have breakfast in the room the day after as a compromise, if you want to save their feelings.

Only if they make a big deal of it.

Not sure why so many think the spouse not being invited to the wedding is any reflection on their character since as your post states, the B&G have made a decision about that "tier" of relation and the spouse hasn't been singled out.

On the face of it, I would say this is fine but it does depend a bit on the relationship between the spouse who isn't attending the wedding and their in laws. If it could be perceived as rattling someone's cage on their wedding day, then probably best not to do it but if everyone generally gets on well, the spouse who is going could possibly push back a bit since the room is already paid for and it would be a nice week-end away.

I don't personally think there is anything inherently wrong in the other partner having a relaxed day in the hotel but would like to hear the reason for the mother of the groom's reasoning before saying yeah, it's all fine. Maybe the groom's mother is the controlling type or maybe she's being unnecessarily bossy or thinks it will cause problems with other people who aren't at the wedding. Without asking her, who knows?

But why does it matter. If it’s not costing the bride and groom extra what the issue

I think that, especially as the MOG has got wind of it, that I couldn't enjoy this as the uninvited spouse.

There'd be too much creeping around trying not to be seen.

And what if the invited spouse is asked what therir dh/dw is doing that weekend? They'd either have to lie, or tell the truth at which someone might say, well bring them down here for a drink at least!

It's a tangled web I tell you.