Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

I don't see an issue. Why would you even need to inform the wedding party your other half was sharing the room with you? And I also don't see a need to sneak around to ensure no one in the wedding party catches sight of the not invited partner. Enjoy your pampering spa break.

What I don’t understand is why MOG was informed? What’s it got to do with her?

They're the same thing.

This has too many imponderables, as Jeeves would say.

I really think that if more than one uninvited spouse goes, they'll probably find out that the other is there and get togther, then some are bound to be in contact during the day with their invited spouse, the wedding group will hear about it and some bright spark will insist on all getting together in the evening. With obvious consequences.

@EugenieGreen I think it's totally fine! The hotel has not been paid for by the B & G, so who stays in it, is no ones business! The Aunt/Mother in law, have no say in who can stay in the room! Go and enjoy the facilities and peace!

Why has Aunt / Mother of Groom said it’s unacceptable for them to be in a room and never be seen by the wedding party? Would they even know the uninvited spouse was there? Why did the MoG find out about the plan to be there?

I also get that if you're other half is paying for the room and the petrol to get there then make the most of it. These things are pricey.

no ,it's just weird, and it's obviously trying to make a point.

It only embarrass the OP, so again no drama, but why would you want to be that person?

Say he's not going but let him go on the quiet if there's absolutely no contact with the wedding party.

That's the hotel offering the discount. The B&G didn't pay for the discount, so that should not stop anyone from going with their spouse to the hotel.

It's only "sending a message" if you assume malintent. Life is generally nicer with less drama if you give people the benefit of the doubt.

But attending a wedding costs significant money, making the most of it just makes sense to some extent.

Go another day

Well, it really isn't up to them. Since the spouse is paying for the room, they can have their spouse there, their BFF, their child or the frigging NDN. It's not the business of the B&G or the MoG.

If they wanted that much control, they should have reserved and paid for the whole hotel and the rooms.

@EugenieGreen I see nothing at all wrong with it. In fact, I think several of the spouses should go and you all make a time of it away from the wedding guests.

I am completely and totally gobsmacked that someone would have a wedding, yet not invite any spouses. Do the B&G want to be the only "couple" there?

Personally, that type of shindig is not my style and I wouldn't go at all.

Not inviting spouses is absolutely terrible behaviour, if they can't afford it they should invite half the number of couples instead. So I would absolutely go to the hotel with your spouse, as you say you're not affecting anything about the wedding budget.

This happened to me many years ago in the brief time I was married, DH was invited to a friends wedding and I was not invited (they didn't know he had married). We booked a double room and I just watched TV during the meal and speeches. I did get "glammed up" and go down in the evening. However there were a lot of people who had been invited to the evening only and no one said anything. about my presence. It was not as though I was costing the B&G any money as I was not eating their food.

Theoretically it’s fine; in practice it would just seem…weird.

I think it’s embarrassing and wouldn’t do it.

I'd say it's a fairly common scenario.

I don't see anything wrong with this. If OP's OH is paying for a room in a lovely hotel, then why shouldn't OP go and have a nice time? She's not planning on gatecrashing the wedding!

not really, just being there is trying to send a message.

The rest of the family might laugh and roll their eyes, there's no drama, but it's not a neutral move.

Then go and enjoy yourself! 😀

Use the room you have booked whichever way you choose .and with whoever you choose.
As long as they don't pass the wedding meal waving whilst dressed in a mankini

The MOG has no right to stop the spouse being in areas of the hotel where other non-wedding guests can be, including a room not paid for by the B&G. The MOG is probably uncomfortable that the spouse might pop up at the wedding or within view of the invited guests and make things awkward/ help themselves to food and drink. But as long as that's not the case, it's fine. Id probably say that's ok, I understand, point taken and then just discreetly do what you want.

I had this with a cousins wedding which was no children. I had a new baby and was breastfeeding but really wanted to go to the wedding (i don't think i would bother now). I arranged for a nanny to come to the venue and mind the baby in a sitting room which was open to all guests, after checking with the hotel. I could then pop back and forth to feed and cuddle baby. Cousin pulled a face at this and kept encouraging me to book a hotel room to ensure the nanny and baby could not be accidentally seen if any of the wedding guests wandered that way. I said no to that as we weren't staying overnight and the hotel rooms were £300. I think she thought I was being difficult but in the end it was fine.

Why on earth would you want to do this? You were not invited to the wedding. Or your DH wasn’t. Just stay home or do something for you. I’d be embarrassed if my spouse wanted to do this.

Have you posted about this before OP? I’m almost certain I read about a spouse who was not invited to her DH’s siblings wedding but wanted to stay at the hotel?

If the invited spouse has paid for the room then it’s up to them who goes in the room.

of course use the room. It has no impact on the wedding.

why are there so many uninvited spouses and why such a drama?