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Original poster

Wedding related would you do this? Outside perspective needed.

343 replies

EugenieGreen · 11/09/2026 12:50

This is not a thread about decisions B&G have made.

Every one of the same ‘status’/‘tier’ has been treated exactly the same. No one has been singled out.

One spouse has been invited to a wedding on their side. Large famous hotel, they do not have exclusive use of this hotel but obviously have exclusive use of certain rooms etc.

The uninvited spouse wants to stay at the hotel which their spouse has paid for (at slightly discounted price). Watch a film in peace, use gym/ spa luxuriate a bit. Would be nowhere near wedding party, would not impinge, would not hang out with in-laws and spouse whose family it is, would not feel the need at any point to check in on spouse.

Aunt/mother of groom says not acceptable.

if you were spouse would you do this or do you think it’s rude? **

OP posts:
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Original poster
EugenieGreen · 21/09/2026 08:47

MyOliveViewer

I don’t know which of the three cousins you mean.

My brother couldn’t go as his wife objected.

My sister couldn’t go for other reasons.

I don’t know about why one cousin declined.

One of my cousins and I happily went to the wedding but our partners took advantage of the hotel room that we had paid for. It wasn’t a case of not being able to be without our partner.

The cousin with Doris, I don’t know if he wasn’t able to go without her or that they both or I suspect just her objected to her not being invited.

Others went alone and were happy.

OP posts:
leli · 20/09/2026 22:20

I shudder at this unwelcoming bride and groom. You reap what you sow. Glad you and DH had a lovely weekend.

MyOliveViewer · 20/09/2026 18:14

Gosh so three of the cousins couldn’t bear a weekend apart from your spouses. How said of Doris/Doris’s spouse who wanted to get in on the brunch. How awkward for you all really, a late brunch invite etc seems really sad and the aunt must have been out in an uncomfortable position.

PopcornKitten · 20/09/2026 17:08

EugenieGreen · 20/09/2026 16:29

Right well we both went to the hotel and survived unscathed.

I had the time of my life sitting at a table with 5 cousins including sister of groom and her small daughter, one of whom had brought his spouse to enjoy the hotel room. The groom came to sit with us for a short time and we managed to have a conversation with him without mentioning our spouses.

It was an absolutely lovely wedding in a wonderful setting.

My husband was walking out of the hotel about an hour and a half after we checked in when the bride came down the stairs. All of the hotel guests completely unrelated to the wedding stood up and clapped including husband but he doesn’t think she saw him but didn’t think it would have mattered.

So to The Brunch… aunt had paid for it and she did ask husband and cousin’s partner to brunch but he declined and cousin’s partner then felt she had to decline which she later moaned to me about.

And Then … another cousin who had declined the wedding invitation but did ask if he could attend brunch. He came and kept saying that Doris (not real name) was outside. The bride asked if they were going on somewhere!!!

He must have mentioned Doris about 8 times to anyone who would listen, finally saying she would like to wish the B&G well so the B&G went out to her rather than letting her in.

A couple of us wanted to laugh until we saw my poor aunt; she was absolutely miserable about the whole thing.

Husband had a great afternoons but he ended up not using the spa, and a lovely walk in Hyde Park this morning.

Back home now having both had a great time but we think my mum will have to give my aunt an ear for a few weeks.

Glad you had a lovely time and it all worked out. How funny about “Doris”!

67789d · 20/09/2026 16:47

Ah ok thanks!

Can't help but imagine Doris, nose pressed against the window, looking like orphan Annie not allowed in 😂

waterrat · 20/09/2026 16:44

god let me never be so miserly as to leave someone standing outside a celebration meal! whther i thought they were cheeky or not I would have graciously 'demanded' they come in!

Original poster
EugenieGreen · 20/09/2026 16:42

My cousin declined the wedding invitation but said he would attend brunch.. Doris is his wife.

I think she had expected to be invited in.

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 20/09/2026 16:41

67789d · 20/09/2026 16:38

Sorry - who was Doris? How was she connected?

I think Doris was the partner of another cousin who didnt go to the wedding but did go to the brunch, and this cousin was trying to get her invited in to the brunch.

67789d · 20/09/2026 16:38

Sorry - who was Doris? How was she connected?

Original poster
EugenieGreen · 20/09/2026 16:29

Right well we both went to the hotel and survived unscathed.

I had the time of my life sitting at a table with 5 cousins including sister of groom and her small daughter, one of whom had brought his spouse to enjoy the hotel room. The groom came to sit with us for a short time and we managed to have a conversation with him without mentioning our spouses.

It was an absolutely lovely wedding in a wonderful setting.

My husband was walking out of the hotel about an hour and a half after we checked in when the bride came down the stairs. All of the hotel guests completely unrelated to the wedding stood up and clapped including husband but he doesn’t think she saw him but didn’t think it would have mattered.

So to The Brunch… aunt had paid for it and she did ask husband and cousin’s partner to brunch but he declined and cousin’s partner then felt she had to decline which she later moaned to me about.

And Then … another cousin who had declined the wedding invitation but did ask if he could attend brunch. He came and kept saying that Doris (not real name) was outside. The bride asked if they were going on somewhere!!!

He must have mentioned Doris about 8 times to anyone who would listen, finally saying she would like to wish the B&G well so the B&G went out to her rather than letting her in.

A couple of us wanted to laugh until we saw my poor aunt; she was absolutely miserable about the whole thing.

Husband had a great afternoons but he ended up not using the spa, and a lovely walk in Hyde Park this morning.

Back home now having both had a great time but we think my mum will have to give my aunt an ear for a few weeks.

OP posts:
MrsJeanLuc · 14/09/2026 21:37

PrincessofWills · 13/09/2026 10:26

There's nothing hard to understand, but it feels a bit like freeloading even though Op's partner presumably is paying for himself.

If you have been asked not to do something on a family occasion I can't quite grasp why you would go against members of the bridal party's wishes. It's quite likely the request not to go came from the bride, and even if it didn't what are you hoping to achieve?

Just book yourself a spa hotel on your own and enjoy your weekend, just not in this one.

Show quote history

Just book yourself a spa hotel on your own and enjoy your weekend, just not in this one.

Love your username. You must be a princess if you think it's sensible to spend a couple of hundred pounds on a spa hotel when you could just take advantage of a room your spouse has already paid for!

MoG is an interfering bat. The hotel is a public place and she doesn't get to say who can stay there.

GoodGirlFaith · 14/09/2026 10:08

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 11/09/2026 13:59

But why does it matter. If it’s not costing the bride and groom extra what the issue

Show quote history

Sorry, I should have put my 2 comments in one but this was an afterthought! I assume the bridal party suspect that a separate 'in law/non invited's' party will occur and that it is inevitable that the 2 parties will merge, especially when people have had a few drinks.

janetcbell · 13/09/2026 20:04

Usually same price for 2 to stay in a room as one. So why not have a night away, enjoy the facilities, gym, pool etc. Especially if you and other half are paying for the room!

AgileMentor · 13/09/2026 19:41

FromaBubblegumTree · 13/09/2026 17:47

Except the OP is the one who is invited to the wedding, so it would be a bit of a strange thing to say.

Show quote history

So the comment I made still stands just for their partner? Just literally reverse what I said to suit.

FromaBubblegumTree · 13/09/2026 17:47

AgileMentor · 13/09/2026 17:43

She literally has no power to stop you sleeping in a hotel room. Tell her to bore off and that you had no intention of being part of the wedding anyway.

Except the OP is the one who is invited to the wedding, so it would be a bit of a strange thing to say.

AgileMentor · 13/09/2026 17:43

She literally has no power to stop you sleeping in a hotel room. Tell her to bore off and that you had no intention of being part of the wedding anyway.

Packofsix · 13/09/2026 11:42

To the question of staying in the hotel room - absolutely. It is no one else’s business. However. What kind of WAF family doesn’t invite anyone’s spouses to a family wedding. It is WAF.

Somethinggg · 13/09/2026 11:07

The one thing this isn't and can't possibly be is freeloading. The arguments against it are about whether it's worth the risk of awkwardness. But it's not freeloading when you're paying.

If anyone would be freeloading it's a B and G who don't want the spouses there but haven't paid for exclusive venue use to allow them control of who's present. Though that may not apply to this B and G, the only person we know to have a problem with it is MOG.

WhatNoRaisins · 13/09/2026 11:07

I've some sympathy for MOG in that it can be really awkward as a parent of a wedding couple who are doing something rude like not inviting spouses. You know it's rude but you're not the couple and you can't make them do anything but you're associated with the wedding anyway.

Noodles1234 · 13/09/2026 11:00

I feel there is a backstory to this. On the face of it of course it feels fine, but the thread of it feels passive agressive as in “well I’m here so I might as well have a wander, oh I’ve bumped into so and so and oops I was just having a drink and look who’s here etc”. Unless you stay in the room and don’t venture out for anything then maybe, but it would be wrong to be spotted which you will be at some point, just feels antagonistic.

rookiemere · 13/09/2026 10:39

How’s it freeloading when OP and her DH have paid for their own hotel room?

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/09/2026 10:32

EugenieGreen · 11/09/2026 13:10

I don’t want the thread derailed by questions of etiquette etc.

I just want advice on use of room.

Good luck with that 😉

Antibetty · 13/09/2026 10:26

100% fine. In fact relatives of ours did just that at my son's wedding. We said they could come along to the evening reception if they liked (there was an open house for that!)

PrincessofWills · 13/09/2026 10:26

MrsJeanLuc · 13/09/2026 09:06

Because it's a free stay in a fancy hotel with spa, etc . What's hard to understand about that?

@EugenieGreen you're doing nothing wrong. I would go in your place. Why would interfering bat MoG even need to know?

Show quote history

There's nothing hard to understand, but it feels a bit like freeloading even though Op's partner presumably is paying for himself.

If you have been asked not to do something on a family occasion I can't quite grasp why you would go against members of the bridal party's wishes. It's quite likely the request not to go came from the bride, and even if it didn't what are you hoping to achieve?

Just book yourself a spa hotel on your own and enjoy your weekend, just not in this one.

Advocodo · 13/09/2026 09:52

I would do this as a spouse and no I don’t think it’s rude.

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