To want to stop paying all Xmas hosting costs

I think rather than making alternative arrangements, excuses, or skirting around the issue, or not doing it at all to make a point, you just need to have a really frank conversation about money.

You've said in your OP your mum has plenty of money so it seems like the issue is the financial imbalance above everything else.

In the first instance, discuss the money really blatantly and make any subsequent decisions based on how that goes.

Jesus yanbu.

this is a joke.
take the hundreds of punds and book yourself into The Pig or go abroad for christmas...

You are an absolute trooper for doing this all these years. Do the neighbours ever invite you, your sibling and your back? I get the party, Christmas/Boxing day but why are you buying and making breakfasts for 5 days.

I think asking your mum over to yours is good. Less cooking, less expense. Don't cave if she says no. Keep us updated.

Just a side note. I love Christmas and I beginning adding to odd non spoil items to a weekly big shop. The odd bottle, mixers, after Halloween things like cheese biscuits, snacks, sweets, chocolates etc. In Derry Girls it was the Christmas cupboard.

I cross-posted with your update @Grinch26! Very good idea to ask her to come to you this time. Will help to break the expensive 'habit' you've ended up with.

I wouldn’t dream of expecting someone to foot the bill for large gatherings . Far fairer if everyone contributes, one brings starters , meat , veg , deserts, cheese wine you get the picture.
Retirement is a perfect opportunity to reassess this . No-one reasonable would object .

Given what you say you cover I’d be surprised if you could even do it for £500 with the amount prices have risen. You definitely are not being unreasonable and I don’t think it should be that difficult to discuss in the circumstances. Maybe your mum will just cover after having it all just provided for 10 years, she probably has no concept of the cost if she’s not done it in so long though.

You will have to consider how you are going to collect the contributions. Everything seems more complex with the over 70s!

I can't believe that you pay all the costs and your mother has never brought up the topic? It's totally ridiculous to continue this. Please have a conversation with her to get this sorted!

It's time to take the bull by the horns op.

Time to stop, OP

YANBU in the slightest

I’m sure her mother knows how much things cost . But even if she does think prices are still like the 90s, she should still have been putting in.

First establish your goals.
Is it to stop the expenditure/freeloading
Or the actual work for the number of guests
Or the lack of help from other attendees
Or the fact that you'd rather be spending Christmas elsewhere.
Or a mix of the above.?

You must use the cost of living and your future job insecurity as basis of a serious conversation with your mother to the effect that unless others start helping with shopping/costs/work, you are not doing it anymore. Don't let her ignore the issue.

This year you can offer to book them into a nice hotel for Christmas lunch at about £150 -200 per head at your mothers invitation . Find out what your mother is prepared to do . She may be old but it sounds like she can afford it.. She might be perfectly happy going to nice hotel and paying for everything or happy to ask the others to pay up.

If she doesn't want the hotel option then you need to look at a Task and Finish
List to send to all attendees explaining that you are unable to take on all the organising and work and cost this year and ask for volunteers to take on the tasks and not to turn up empty handed.

Online deliveries can be organised by the others or on behalf of your mum if she allows you to use her bank card. If there are no volunteers for all the tasks, delete the task and recirculate the final list with their names against it, explaining that anything not listed won't be organised this year. If you end up with buffet lunch that's what it will be.

Organise a secret Santa if present buying is involved.

Or just tell you mum you are going away yourself this year for a break and that you will visit her in the new year .

Be polite, kind but assertive . It won't change unless you change.

Can you opt to do one day and then see if your sister / mum will share the others? With your sister being skint, that would rather force the conversation of budgets.

It’s a really lovely thing you are doing - I am also a bit 😮 that your mum hasn’t offered to fund it. However, I also have single elderly relatives who come to Christmas festivities and honestly have just accepted they are totally clueless about the cost of big meals and entertaining. I assume because it’s so much easier feeding one on a budget.

I also find when asked to bring something, they’ll bring enough for a small portion of the party, like a pudding for 2 to 4 or 1x bottle of wine - even though they know how many people are coming. I have managed to be more prescriptive over the years, such as please could you bring a bottle of baileys. Or please could you bring 2 bottles of wine - one for you and one for the table.

You are fair to try and tackle it now you want to scale back. Don’t feel guilty.

Let us know how she responds. Is there a reason you don't feel comfortable doing as you usually do but asking for a financial contribution from her?

I am amazed your mum has allowed this to continue for 10 years without contributing plus the others tbh. I would love to rock up to Christmas with a bottle of wine.

Just be honest and say you can’t afford it.

You do not owe the neighbours material recompense for their being neighbourly to your mother, so quit that guilt.
Anyway, they’ve had a damn good run of lavishly catered Christmases, and ça suffit.

If guilt were even applicable, it’d be in not seeing her. Surely your company is the gift, not the mountains of food and the hotel catering.
So bring her to your house, with a cosy room made up for her, and wash your hands of the rest of her street for good.

I can understand this as I have often felt the same. But what about YOUR good Christmas? Your mum is an adult, not a toddler who must be made to feel that she got a good haul of toys and a yummy dessert. It's not on you to go home financially and physically depleted so your mum can feel pampered. No one is pampering you. There needs to be more balance in this relationship.

How is it always that the first answer nails it?

Your mum never offered to contribute anything, and it’s hard to believe she doesn’t realise how unfair that feels.

If it were my mum, I’d feel comfortable saying something like, “Can you bring dessert?” or “Could you sort the turkey this year?” Just basic, fair contributions. Most parents want to treat their kids now and then, especially knowing that the state will take a huge chunk of their savings if they ever need long‑term care. It’s sad.

If I were your mum I'd be happy to pay if I had the funds to do so.

Who does the cleaning and washing up after the meals out of interest?