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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to keep inheritance separate from our family finances?

64 replies

CareBearClaire · 11/09/2026 11:25

WWYD?

I’ve been left approx £16k collectively after both my DPs died (a few years apart). It’s been sitting in my bank account untouched since then. I don’t want to waste it on bits and pieces - I either want to give it to my DCs or use a part of it at least for something for me.

I am married, main breadwinner, work my butt off. We put all our earnings into one pot otherwise. AIBU if I keep this £16k separate to the family money and for me to decide what to do with it, spend it myself and/or give some to the DCs?

Thanks

OP posts:
Burgerboo · 11/09/2026 12:28

My inheritance is in a seperate account that only I have access to. Over the years I have contributed a lot towards holidays,furniture,giving my children a substantial amount towards courses,house deposit,rental etc .
Husband is absolutely fine about it .
If it had been put in family pot it would have whittled down significantly!

MaggieMop · 11/09/2026 12:23

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MaggieMop · 11/09/2026 12:22

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KitsyWitsy · 11/09/2026 12:14

What does marriage mean to you? To me it means being equal and sharing the good things and bad. Not just keeping any good fortune all to myself.

TruffleSlinky · 11/09/2026 12:10

Personally I would share it with my DH. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer though.

mbosnz · 11/09/2026 12:09

When DH inherited some money from his grandmother, I very much encouraged him to do with it what he would. It was 'extra' money, not budgeted, and bequeathed to him, for him to spent how he saw fit. I'm really glad I did, because it meant he bought something beautiful, that makes him think of her, before some other member of the family got their sticky mitts on what remained, in a trust account he had encouraged us to put the money into and we thought safe. You never know what's around the corner.

TorroFerney · 11/09/2026 12:08

SpaceAngel1999 · 11/09/2026 11:32

my husband inherited about £40k from his mum and he classed it as family money. I’m set to inherit a huge amount and it wouldnt even cross my mind to say it was mine. We’re married and have been for a long time, what we both earn and inherit is joint money. How would you feel if it was the other way round?

Agree. I get a small bonus every year, it just goes in the joint back account . Although last year my husband transferred it out into my separate savings account so I’d spend it on myself. So opposite problem I suppose.

Blorengia · 11/09/2026 11:45

I'd keep it separate but use it only when absolutely necessary for a family expense - and you get the final say on what uses are "absolutely necessary".

WildLeader · 11/09/2026 11:33

At least put it in an investment account! Look at Wise or Nutmeg or something.

YANBU.

Supportbritishfarmers · 11/09/2026 11:33

Although I would feel uncomfortable about there being a financial inequality in my marriage, its your inheritance and your choice.

SpaceAngel1999 · 11/09/2026 11:32

my husband inherited about £40k from his mum and he classed it as family money. I’m set to inherit a huge amount and it wouldnt even cross my mind to say it was mine. We’re married and have been for a long time, what we both earn and inherit is joint money. How would you feel if it was the other way round?

Anothercake · 11/09/2026 11:31

Depends on if you need it day to day. I wouldn't sit on £16k if the car kept breaking for instance. Personally all money is family money so this isn't what I would do, but it sounds like you resent your DH and feel you work a lot harder than they do so might be different.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 11/09/2026 11:31

Keep it separate put it in a S&S isa

Dazedandconfused28 · 11/09/2026 11:30

I would say it probably deserves a conversation? Would your DH not agree with how you want to spend it?

Definitely not unreasonable to want to spend some of it on yourself - I used a small inheritance to buy a beautiful piece of art and a ring, and I look at them as a gift from the person who left me the money.