AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

After my husband died and I was left coping with our young DC and, you'd think understandably, had to take more time off work an old colleague/friend said: "You can't just lay around living off the insurance you know. You'll have to come back to the real world eventually." I should have thanked her really - the burning rage it caused powered me through some of the worst grief at that time.

Nothing like as bad as many of these examples, but many years ago my FIL said ‘I really don’t like fat people. Especially fat women’. He’d had a few drinks at the time but wasn’t drunk, and it seemed out of character but I do believe he meant it. I haven’t felt the same about him since. He got his just desserts though; he’s significantly overweight now and I’m always tempted to remind him of what he said. Although as he is male and quite old, he’s probably allowed to be fat, unlike women who should never dare to be fat.

Many people did watch the footage on repeat. I know I did. It was so hard to take in what had happened, and I think like many people I was worried about what else might happen as the story of the events and the understanding of them began to unfold and sink in.

Topically:
A friend who for various reasons I was already slowly realising was a dick, said about a horrifically tragic accident involving children that was in the news 'like, i get its horrifically sad, but all the weeping and wailing, its not 9/11 is it'

If I ever meet someone who says anything about their ex partner 'taking all their money' in a divorce or separation where there's children involved, i immediately think that person's a dick.
We were getting to know a new couple we'd met, thinking that they seemed like fun new friends, and then one night the boyfriend made a comment about his brothers ex partner, and how she 'rinsed him for every penny he's got'.
Me: How do you mean?
Him: Well he has to give her 500 quid for two kids, they are only small, they dont eat that much!
Me: ...How often does your brother see them?
Him: he takes them out to tea twice a week and then has them every other weekend, he cant have them more in the week because he's out breaking his back working so he can pay her!
Me: ....so who looks after the kids in the day while his ex is working?
Him: ones at nursery and the other one is in after school
Me: do you have... any idea how much full time nursery costs?!?

Something happened which disrupted the conversation, but we stopped seeing them after that.... i just dont have time for people in their bloody thirties who cant engage their brains critically and just believe blindly what someone tells them.

I think yabu. This was a news story and he was commenting on how it was bring reported. It wasn't personal for you and it doesn't sound like he was mocking or being mean about the horrors the individuals experienced. It must be hard to be around you, are you in a constant state of trauma watching the news? Most people detach to get by. The loss that day was a tiny percentage of the recent loss in Gaza, and even that is a fraction of the Russia/ Ukraine war. Only a few days ago more people died in the Nepal flood and i think most people would complain if that's the only thing the networks covered for days. It sounds like you value US lives a lot more than others if you are still thinking about this.

Before we moved to where we live now we were visiting to see the house and went to a nearby cafe. Within ten mins the owner had made some bizarre comment about 'the chinese' and them taking all the software jobs. We've lived here 8 years now and never been back in that cafe

I know it’s always trotted out that people don’t know what to say in these situations but it doesn’t take a genius to just say ‘I’m sorry for your loss’.

I’m really sorry about your brother.

a bit much...

Great reaction by you. Wonder what the other colleague thought/did.

What a racist twat. Well done for speaking up. So many think they don’t have to say anything and can be a good person. But good people challenge racism.

My son in his 40s took his own life and the number of idiots who have wondered why l wasnt comforted by tales of them knowing how l feel because there 90 odd year old mum/dad/next door but one neighbour /cat /dog died recently.
Disclaimer l am a dog lover and have broken my heart over every dog lve ever lost ...but still, come on.

Had a catch up with two old work colleagues a couple of months ago. In the course of the conversation one of them said she had been to the 'Pxxx shop' on the way there. Aghast, I said "What did you say? What type of shop?" I heard it very clearly but wanted to make her squirm on repeating it. She giggled and said "Asian shop" so I told her how sickening and offensive that was, then upped and left. She apologised half-heartedly as I was leaving but I went home and blocked her on everything. Hope she was ashamed / chastened but I doubt it.

"in the nicest way (then predictably proceeds to be the exact antithesis of 'nice')

hence, why it was phrased 'the nicest way' not 'to be nice...'

"a simultaneously sudden loss of life and global sense of safety that has had huge ripple effects. It was a horrific watershed moment on so many levels and nothing had ever been witnessed like that before"

I guess you didn't pay attention in history class. Think my grandad would take issue with your never been witnessed like that before comment. I'm sure he could name one small event.

Line manager at work who is Lithuanian once say to me how annoying all the little gold coloured bricks outside buildings were dotted around Lithuania. I had to bite my tongue to not shout at her because surrounded by students, they were out of earshot of what she said luckily.

The bricks are memorials at the old homes of the Lithuanian Jews that were killed in pogroms.

She is a total fuckwit

Hey, my partner at the time said "All this terrorism, it's not even funny any more!"

In his defence, I THINK he was probably trying to say "this is getting really serious now" rather than "it was funny up until now" . . .

We're not together any more.

Years ago, I attended a small conference.

When I arrived, there were a few of the organisers / speakers greeting everyone.

One guy shook my hand, introduced himself, and the rest of the conversation went like this

Man - "Where about in the country are you from?"
Me - "I'm from xyz town"
Man - "I'm sorry?"
Me - "I'm from xyz town"
Man - "Yes, I heard you the first time - I'm just sorry that's where you live"

He thought he was being funny. I just glared at him and walked off. I was only young at the time, and if it happened now, I would have told him what I thought of him.

I did see him a couple of times afterwards at various functions, and I avoided him like the plague. Awful man he was.

Well, it's the 25th anniversary today so it's all over the place, so it's going to trigger memories

Ah, this reminded me. I am in the Rolls Building and left my coat outside in the corridor, on the seats - the hearing room is tiny, packed with bundles, etc. A clerk comes up to me and smilingly, suggest - don't leave your coat here, it will be nicked (all OK up to this moment). I go - what, in the Rolls Building it will get nicked, I don't think so. He goes 'Oh, you have no idea, we have such scum here.... (all OK up to this moment, commercial division mostly, people try to fuck each other over) and then - like a blow to the stomach - Litigants in person, you know. He was implying those desperate with no money for representation were scum. A mere clerk with such ideas!

Yes, a school mum who I thought was nice - not close friends but school gates chat. Someone had died by suicide on the train tracks, which led to her train being delayed. She said she didn't care if people killed themselves, but they should show some consideration for other people and find a method that didn't inconvenience them (as in, her).

Another school mum, same chatting aquaintance level, who said her daughter had made friends with nice kids at secondary school, "not you know, those horribly chavvy types". I hate that word, think it should be as taboo as the n work or the p word. I was pregnant at the time, and genuinely thought I was going to be sick. Got waves of nausea every time I thought about that woman after that.

I went from liking them well enough to despising them in one sentence.

I do wonder if I've ever had the same effect on someone with something I've said.

I hope you poured the tea in his lap!

That is what I mean. Thanks. Never have been able to spell even with autocorrect.

I think you mean rogue comment. Rouge is a french word that means red or pink and is normally used to describe something cosmetic (lipstick etc).

oh so it wasn't just one comment?

"in the nicest way (then predictably proceeds to be the exact antithesis of 'nice')

How have you managed to get to 'main character syndrome?' 😀

As for comparing her reaction to despising modern comedians, you're proving the opposite scenario by choosing a substandard analogue... comedians are comedians and therefore the audience who voluntarily choose to attend or tune in should prepare themselves for comments made in context of a comedic act

the context here was that several planes had just been hijacked and deliberately crashed into the Twin Towers with a simultaneously sudden loss of life and global sense of safety that has had huge ripple effects. It was a horrific watershed moment on so many levels and nothing had ever been witnessed like that before

Which makes his comment of they're spoiling it now as way outside of any comedic context, completely callous and illustrated he viewed the whole disaster scenes as pure entertainment - a scenario the OP had not signed up for in any context, comedic or otherwise

My father is not nice. I do not like him.

Years ago now, a boyfriend said something that reminded me of my father. I don't even remember what it was, just a particular phrase that would be something my father said regularly. Immediate and utter ick and revulsion. I had to dump him immediately.

I don't think it's usually one thing only that causes this effect. It might be the straw that broke the camel's back or the most recent and obvious thing, but I think in most cases something has been growing behind the scenes that means when someone makes that comment, the other person is already disposed towards dumping them. That's the trigger but they're already in posession of the gun.