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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

259 replies

Bleachedjeans · 11/09/2026 09:45

There was a similar thread a couple of years ago but it quickly sank into posters arguing and correcting grammar so it quickly became very boring…
So, here’s mine, triggered by 9/11 memories:
9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over”
I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”
I despised him from that moment.

  1. For not recognising that a TV news channel is repetitive and not everyone is watching it all day.
  2. For using the word ‘spoil’ under such circumstances, as if watching it was some sort of entertainment.
I absolutely despised him from that moment. AIBU to absolutely despise someone based on one comment? I don’t think so!
OP posts:
Mindboggl · 11/09/2026 10:09

I wouldn’t say despised but I’ve certainly gone right off people. Only the other day I was in a taxi with a chatty driver, we got talking about various things, he was actually pretty funny. Then he made a remark about young women wearing next to nothing along the “they’re asking for it” line of reasoning and I concluded he was just a dickhead with occasional good banter.

powersthatbe · 11/09/2026 10:09

YANBU

My baby nephew passed away unexpectedly and I returned from staying at my Dsis’s having looked after her 3yo while she had been at hospital with baby DN. Altogether a very harrowing time and having held it all together for several days I got home to DP and DFIL and excused myself to my room where i lay down and sobbed my heart out. When I came downstairs later DFIL said “I’m sorry about what happened but you know you are just going to have to get over it’.

Have despised the man ever since.

ThePeppyOpalScroller · 11/09/2026 10:08

It was 25 years ago. How old was he when it happened?

Bleachedjeans · 11/09/2026 10:08

nomas · 11/09/2026 10:06

How are you still thinking about this 25 years later?

As I said in my post, the memory was triggered by the 9/11 memories. Radio 4 every morning this week.

OP posts:
Bleachedjeans · 11/09/2026 10:07

pinkyredrose · 11/09/2026 09:50

YANBU! Was that the moment you decided to ditch him?

Yes! It took a few months but I ditched him eventually.

OP posts:
nomas · 11/09/2026 10:06

How are you still thinking about this 25 years later?

Bleachedjeans · 11/09/2026 10:06

I should have added: has anyone had similar experiences?

OP posts:
Mulledjuice · 11/09/2026 09:50

your feelings of despising towards him weren't just caused by that one comment.

I think good people can phrase things clumsily and/or say horrid things, and anyone who only heard them say that one thing would form a negative opinion. but it would be foolish to write someone off on the basis of one comment alone.

you clearly know a lot more about this man than one comment, though it may have been the final straw.

so i voted yabu

pinkyredrose · 11/09/2026 09:50

YANBU! Was that the moment you decided to ditch him?