AIBU to utterly despise someone based on one comment they made?

Yes I have, and no YNBU. Sometimes a single comment can give you an insight into how someone ticks. We can all make clumsy or insensitive comments but sometimes you really are getting a clear indication that they're an arsehole.

I think despising someone for one clunky comment is really extreme behaviour. It is the kind of thing that pops up in true crime documentaries when the perpetrator starts obsessively hating someone.

If you have a defining moment when you realise you don't much like someone then that is more balanced.

Everyone is capable of saying something insensitive, stupid or nasty. I tend judge people more on how they behave generally.

OP do you think by "spoiling it" he meant they were diminishing the impact of the footage? I sort of agree that 24 hour news makes everything boring eventually. I don't think there's anything I want to watch on loop all day, not even the important stories. Especially the sort of story that breaks my heart. It's not good for people.

My DP is also terrible at expressing his feelings. He says reactive things when in distress. I can absolutely imagine him saying something that stupid when what he would have meant was "I'm upset by this footage, can we turn off the TV?"

I'm going with YABU.

Oh my god. What a vile human being. What, if anything, did you respond? Bloody hell.

A close relative was exceptionally badly and negligently treated by the NHS and it looked for a while as if this person might be dependent on long term care. A friend stated, ‘that could be a massive claim’ and I couldn’t get over that.

having said this, we all say crass things from time to time - I know I do - so perhaps it’s time to move on from it.

One of my neighbours, older woman, married a man who seemed lovely. Genuinely nice bloke. Good with her children. Kind to her dog. Worshipped her.

Had them over for a few drinks with other neighbours over Christmas. And then he made a comment about tarty women.

Never seen him the same way since. Sexist.

A relative of DH visiting from Australia said an incredibly anti Semitic thing at the table . I immediately told him to fuck off and get out of the house . Bit of a drama but he left back to MIL . Why on earth these people think it's OK to say such things . You would want to be very sure of your audience. Maybe relying on British politeness .

9/11. TV on most of the day updating etc. Naturally, because it was a news programme on all day, it was repetitive. He moaned about the repetition.
When the early evening news came on and obviously it was the first big story my partner at the time said “They’re spoiling it now, keep showing it over and over” I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”

Why didn’t you ask him what he meant instead of assuming?

Most people don’t want to watch real life violent deaths over and over on the telly. It’s traumatising to keep repeating those images. Why did you need the TV on all day? Why did you call his complaints ‘moaning’? It sounds like he would have preferred not to watch thousands of people die on repeat all day long.,.,

The reason the channels repeat the news is for anyone who is tuning in that is just finding out.

Why were you wanting to watch it on repeat? Why did your mind associate thrills and excitement as linked to watching 9/11 crashes and the towers falling?

I said (something like) “Spoiling what? The thrill and excitement of seeing thousands people die in horrific circumstances?”

I agree that's what he meant. What a prat

If you despise your partner now, I assume you're leaving him? Any chance you just feel anger very strongly and it isn't that you despise him, you just didn't like what he said. Probably just clumsy wording. Sadly, the news often is entertainment - most of the stuff we see is about other countries we have no connection to (not really) so it can feel like watching a soap opera.

This sounds like a non-issue unless there are other examples you haven't shared. But no, one comment isn't enough to justify hating someone.

Fucking hell im not surprised. Sorry for your loss, how awful x

I dunno...I mean if its someone you can't avoid interracting with then you might go on despising them because you keep having to meet them....but you (or at least me) aren't despising them because of one comment, you are despising them because of what they are like. If its someone you no longer meet or only met once then I wouldn't contibue to despise them because I wouldn't have any feelings about them. If its sombody you already know well and that one comment is out of character, then why would you instantly despise them?

So he's 85 now?

A neighbour who I've chatted for years whenever bumped into them and thought they were really nice said something racist. Really badly, nasty racism. And looked at me as if I agreed with them. Ugh. Instantly dislike them now and will avoid in future. His wife though is lovely and I do now wonder if they share the same views, be a real shame.

I've certainly despised people based on one comment, but it's never been people I've already known well and liked. It's always been people who I didn't know very well and who said something early on that made me instantly realise we had entirely opposite values. When I was very young I worked in a newsagent and there was a horrific earthquake that killed thousands in another country, and a regular customer said 'Good news, as far as I'm concerned. I can't stand the little bastards'. Every time he came in after that, I thought 'You hateful piece of shit' and could barely bring myself to be polite to him.

If someone I know extremely well - a close friend, a partner, a family member - says something that seems out of character, though, I might be confused and I might interrogate that a bit, but I'd obviously be well aware that this wasn't line with their usual values or behaviour and I'd be more likely to take it as anomaly or (as I think I would have done in the case of what your partner said) put it down to clumsy wording rather than a core sentiment.

Yes. I despised a woman who I was doing my army basic training with instantly. I can’t remember the comment. I remember immediately hating her. We were in England doing our training having travelled from Scotland together. It was the Dunblane shooting and she made an utterly despicable comment about the children.

I’ve blocked the comment from my brain but I’ve never forgotten how instantly I hated her.

Your FIL sounds utterly dreadful. Do you still have to see him? I'd have wanted to ban him from entering my home ever again.

I was chatting to a Taxi driver. He then made a racist comment about a black person on the road in front. I ended the Taxi journey early and took the tube for the last couple of stops.

Did he understand it was actually happening and was not a film? I think that sounds like someone who spends so much time looking at screens, gaming etc. that their understanding of real and fantasy is completely undefined.

YANBU and I would have felt the same way.

If this was genuinely the only reason and he was a great partner in all other ways then I think YABU. Presumably it came out wrong.