AIBU to wonder why many posters find it harder to make friends than find a life partner?

But what do you have to gain by keep asking the question? People have explained their situations

Not laying down gospel for everyone, but for those of us in the position you described in your first post, it's true because we feel the 2 things are different, and you can't argue with what we feel.

All she's saying is that her interests overlap more with men she's met than women she's met. As regards any generalisation she may be making, if indeed she is generalising, the worst that could be said is that she's out of touch or old fashioned. We all do generalise sometimes. For example I think women make much better drivers than men. That doesn't mean I believe all men are aggressive and wreckless on the roads. I don't think the thread is riddled with misogyny - there's a lot about men chasing boring women just to get inside their knickers.

I think that it was true at the time the poster who said it grew up. The problem was around strict gender stereotypes and not allowing women to be geeky at the time without being horribly bullied and ostracised.

Things probably have changed within the last 10 years so the only boys can be geeky stereotype will probably disappear within the next 10 years.

It's misogynist to claim that men are geeks and love sci-fi and therefore better company, while women love reality shows and crap TV drama. 🙄
Replace 'women' with another demographic. Say black people. Would it be ok to generalise an entire sex or race?

This entire thread is riddled with internalised deepseated misogyny. Women are apparently catty, bitchy, bullies, prone to drama, shallow, stupid, love crap TV... the list goes on. Men, of course, are princes and intellectual giants.

By all means try to work out, in general terms, why some people don't have friends, but with regard to why some such people have found love, you've been told we see the two things differently, and have been given some very plausible reasons why they're not at all the same. You don't seem to 'get it' and I don't see that changing.

If it's ignorance, then some professionals are equally ignorant, since some of them say the same thing.

They say once you meet one autistic person you have met one autistic person. It is possible to enjoy company but also need a lot of downtime, and still be autistic.

Your comment, and that of the other poster show a certain amount of ignorance.

Oh and if it helps, I am properly diagnosed with AuDHD - the autism diagnosis was 6 years ago and involved 6 or 7 in person assessments.

Yes friends take time and efforts. My work colleague has no friends. Said school mams moved on. But you do need friends too

I agree

There's no misogyny in @PeepDeBeaul post. So she gets on better with males than females. Why shouldn't she! She isn't criticising women.

@SoftIce re autism, that puzzles me too. I think the diagnostic criteria have widened a lot and if it widens much more we'll all be autistic. Also, a lot of people are diagnosing themselves.

I think you may have inadvertently highlighted something. Making friends requires skill. Finding THE ONE is much more down to luck.

Do what? Genuine question.

That air freshener thread is absurd. A joke thread perhaps?

You're clearly never going to understand. It should now be obvious that some of us view romantic relationships differently from friendships and don't see it as at all strange that we've been successful with the former and not the latter. Life's like that. Nobody gets a full set of everything, and the wisest know to treasure what we have. I certainly treasure my DH and DCs. We're not all philosophers like you, OP, and so don't need to understand why.

It's because, if a woman is reasonably looking, there will be men interested in her even if she has no social skills whatsoever, and the men will do the chasing.

Yes, this will get you a shag. Or, multiple shags. It wont guarantee you a years-long successful, loving relationship.

If that were the case, then all attractive people would be in amazing, supportive relationships and all unattractive people would all be perpetually single and we know thats not the case or how it works

When I read these threads about friend difficulties 90% of the time my internal reaction is to think people need to chill out and stop overthinking things.

I agree but I also wouldn’t use MN as the best example. Most things people worry about on here has never crossed my mind nor have I ever heard it discussed outside of MN. The whole air freshener in bathroom thread is what immediately comes to mind.

@Thepeopleversuswork I agree that it wouldn't work with someone who is genuinely socially impaired, but many socially anxious women are really just shy, and in that case, 1:1 attention may well grow into a relationship.

But the important thing, and the only thing you can control, is how you see them.

@Thepeopleversuswork Apologies, I haven't read the full thread, but didn't see the obvious answer on the first page.

It's because, if a woman is reasonably looking, there will be men interested in her even if she has no social skills whatsoever, and the men will do the chasing.

I speak as someone in this position - I am not sociable, I'm taciturn and boring, can't chat, joke, make or keep friends, but inspite of this, over the years men have tried to pursue relationships with me. To be frank, this put me right off them, but I can well imagine that there are women who are only a little "socially anxious" who would be very happy to experience romance and maybe even blossom with the attention and so end up with a partner but no friends.

I'm much more confused when someone says they (or their child) are autistic but are "very sociable" and have a "large group of friends". That does not make any sense to me whatsoever.

This.

the way friendship is viewed on here is a sort of an npc who can never fuck up or disagree or even have an opinion. Just a floating yes person. But your lying and cheating hating husband is on chance 56 and you think he can change.

let alone the way female friendships are talked about is often extremely misogynistic on here. Bitchy, cliquey, catty, queen be, jealousy.

it’s honestly so bizarre.

but I think a lot of it is how social gatherings are often scoffed and scorned. You hate hen dos, it’s your friend shut up and go and just leave early. It’s not about you. I went to this Fridays for 10 years for 3 mates birthdays. I bloody hate the place, I love my friends so I went and had a good time because I enjoyed their company! You do have to compromise and be flexible for friends just as you do a partner. You can’t only do what you want and then wonder why you’re billy no mates.