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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

165 replies

Cantstopeatingjaffacakes · 10/09/2026 20:50

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed with DD16?

Religion is a big part of my life and I attend church weekly, lead children’s church once a month, go to a weekly prayer meeting and am on the PCC (church leadership). I also work for a Christian charity.

DD used to come to church with me and when she was 10 she asked to stop going as she found it boring which I was fine with as I’ve never believed in forcing it.

Since then we’ve never really spoken about faith other than I have one and it’s important to me. I’ve also said numerous times that it’s ok if she doesn’t believe and it’s something that has to come from within rather than be imposed on you by family.

Recently she’s become quite vocal about being an atheist which is fine - it’s something she’s thought about and has come to her own conclusion.

The issue is that if I chat about something I’ve done at church or that I’m going to my prayer meeting she’ll roll her eyes and say that all religions are stupid which I find quite disrespectful. I don’t agree with her beliefs but I would never call them stupid and I’m not sure how to address it with her without it turning into a big debate about religion.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to respect that I have my beliefs in the same way that she has hers? Should I stop mentioning my church activities even though it’s a big part of my life?

Sorry it’s a bit longwinded but I didn’t want to drip feed.

OP posts:
Cheese55 · 10/09/2026 21:29

She's just trying to make sure you know she's not going to be religious like you, but she's a teenager and doesn't know how to say it. Just leave her to it or make a joke of it and she'll grow out of it.

seahorsessky · 10/09/2026 21:29

No, she could get in serious trouble if she did that with certain people, not just in the workplace. Children being disrespectful of some faiths at school have been accused of racism.
It's unlikely that there won't be people of all different religions in her life as she moves through school/college/jobs. And she should be polite to you anyway, as you're her mum, and being respectful and caring about someone's interests, even if you don't share them, is important.

Ilmiocompleanno · 10/09/2026 21:28

I think it's fair enough to say that you understand she has different beliefs, but it's just plain rude of her to eyeroll or start an argument every time you mention church in passing (as opposed to deliberately starting a discussion about beliefs). I would call her out on it. I say this as someone who was also very atheist when I was your DD's age.

Original poster
Cantstopeatingjaffacakes · 10/09/2026 21:26

BlueMum16 · 10/09/2026 21:22

Definitely call out a lack of respect. She needs to learn that you are interested in how she spends her day and your are entitled to share what you do.

Is it just you and DD?

There’s DS15 too, he hasn’t said anything about what he believes and I don’t think he’s really thought about it. The only time he mentions it is to ask if he’s too old for a Christingle service!

OP posts:
autumnisherenow · 10/09/2026 21:24

HippoPottyMouth · 10/09/2026 21:00

I really wanted to say Yabu as I am also a dedicated atheist with a fair disdain for organised religion.

But she actually just sounds really rude and you sound like you are being very reasonable with your expectations of her. Tell her to stfu next time.

You made me laugh. Just came back from a prayer meeting to tell the daughter to stfu 🤣

BlueMum16 · 10/09/2026 21:22

Definitely call out a lack of respect. She needs to learn that you are interested in how she spends her day and your are entitled to share what you do.

Is it just you and DD?

Sakura7 · 10/09/2026 21:18

Cantstopeatingjaffacakes · 10/09/2026 21:13

I generally just chat about my day. So it’ll probably be that I’m going somewhere or that the dining table is needed tonight because I’ve got to prep for children’s church. I don’t really talk about the faith aspect or what I believe unless she or her brother ask me. I did help her a bit with RS last year but that was more along the lines of ‘here’s a good bible passage that explains it’ or ‘some Christian believe’. I’ve always tried hard not impose my beliefs on them.

It’s hard not to talk about it all as it’s such a big part of my life.

I do respect her views - I find it hard but at the end of the day I can’t force her to become a Christian and she has to find her own way through life and she’s happy then I’m happy for her.

Show quote history

Sounds fair, in that case she's probably just being a stroppy teenager. Absolutely fair to call out a lack of respect.

Original poster
Cantstopeatingjaffacakes · 10/09/2026 21:13

Sakura7 · 10/09/2026 21:00

She shouldn't be disrespectful and you should talk to her about this, but how much do you talk about religion around her? And do you genuinely respect her beliefs?

It seems to be a very big part of your life so I'm just curious.

My mother was very religious and she went through phases where it was very much the focal point in her life. It was quite draining listening to her at times, as she didn't seem to have any other interests and expected me to care about something I don't believe in.

I generally just chat about my day. So it’ll probably be that I’m going somewhere or that the dining table is needed tonight because I’ve got to prep for children’s church. I don’t really talk about the faith aspect or what I believe unless she or her brother ask me. I did help her a bit with RS last year but that was more along the lines of ‘here’s a good bible passage that explains it’ or ‘some Christian believe’. I’ve always tried hard not impose my beliefs on them.

It’s hard not to talk about it all as it’s such a big part of my life.

I do respect her views - I find it hard but at the end of the day I can’t force her to become a Christian and she has to find her own way through life and she’s happy then I’m happy for her.

OP posts:
SomethingNewish · 10/09/2026 21:01

You have been very fair with her and very respectful of her right to her own views re religion. Of course she should respect your right to your beliefs and religion.

Sakura7 · 10/09/2026 21:00

She shouldn't be disrespectful and you should talk to her about this, but how much do you talk about religion around her? And do you genuinely respect her beliefs?

It seems to be a very big part of your life so I'm just curious.

My mother was very religious and she went through phases where it was very much the focal point in her life. It was quite draining listening to her at times, as she didn't seem to have any other interests and expected me to care about something I don't believe in.

HippoPottyMouth · 10/09/2026 21:00

I really wanted to say Yabu as I am also a dedicated atheist with a fair disdain for organised religion.

But she actually just sounds really rude and you sound like you are being very reasonable with your expectations of her. Tell her to stfu next time.

itstoolateforsnacks · 10/09/2026 21:00

I think you’re right to find this disrespectful and unacceptable. 16 yr old thinking she knows everything!

Oioiqueen · 10/09/2026 20:55

Personally I'd keep pulling her up on it every time she's rude. I would also ask her to what she would do if it was a teacher of hers or a friend would she react in the same way? She's old enough to be called out on her behaviour. Don't hide your beliefs and hobbies, she needs to learn to be respectful of others in life even if she doesn't agree.

I imagine she is using a teenage egocentric outlook, she will grow up eventually.

Minasama · 10/09/2026 20:55

Yes, definitely come down hard on this. It’s disrespectful.

Littlejellyuk · 10/09/2026 20:53

She needs to act like an adult and be respectful.
Talking about your day does not warrant it being slagged off regardless of the location (church or otherwise).
YANBU.
She can have her beliefs and you can have yours.
Nip that in the bud. 💯