AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

I was an atheist from around 11 but became a fake satanist at 15 just to wind my catholic mother up. Upside down cross and everything.

Cringy now that I think back at it. But teenage rebellion and emotional immaturity. 15 year old aren't exactly known for being the best version of themselves.

I would ignore her but also be aware of yourself as well. My mum would no doubt have claimed she wasn't preachy, except she was in my eyes

I think its fine to expect her to be polite, but if you know she isnt interested in religion/religious activities why do you keep trying to talk about them with her? I have a friend who does this, makes everything about church. She cant tell a story about something funny or interesting without hamming up that it happened at church or overegging the religious element of it and making everything about that.

Eg she'll mention a carol service shes attended. but instead of talking how great the organist was or the lovely sound the choristers made or how gorgeous the christmas decorations were, she'll evangelise about how close to god she felt and wax on about witness and jesus and what not. This is very very boring to an atheist.

Trying talking to her about other things in your life, or share the bit of news about a friend or funny story, but don't focus on the religious elements. Its not meaningful to her.

I feel she's safer not getting involved with the church and not wanting to.

Too many things that haven't come out yet, too many attempted cover ups, too many people still in post who probably shouldn't be. Too much trust based on friendships rather than DBS checks, recent references etc.

You are free as an adult to live your life however you like, eg bible meetings etc. But historically, middle aged mums haven't been the targets, it's more the children your daughters age.

Because she probably thinks it makes you sound like a loon.

If you don't believe in it, then all of it sounds barmy. I expect she doesn't respect your beliefs and thinks they are stupid.

Good idea. Turn the other cheek.

Why not simply forgive her?

It's her way of saying stop preaching...

Stop looking through rose tinted glasses about religion when so many people have fallen off their perches for horrible reasons associated with the church.

Every year new things, hushed up for generations, come out. Not because finding out the truth is the 'right' thing to do. It's just that people have finally got caught....

I'd roll my eyes too....

Why do you think your DD would be interested in your comments about church stuff?

I am a hardcore atheist and I think she should be pulled up on her rudeness. She needs to learn to use words well if she is uncomfortable with your mention of things faith related, and she has to accept it is important to you.

You sound very respectful and careful, but have you had an express conversation where you have told her that you accept her feelings about religion and that you are not looking to change her mind? Teens can be a bit chippy and she might misinterpret you talking about your day as you wanting to guilt her into believing or participating on the sly or she might actually feel a bit conflicted, not about the religion, but about disappointing you. If it were me I would make clear that I have respect for her beliefs and would never try to convert her but that I would expect her to have respect for yours.

I'm an atheist and think religions have caused a lot of harm. I don't see how rolling her eyes is "standing up for" anyone though?

I agree with this.

I'm an atheist (who grew up in a Christian home) and I'm fairly open about my views, but eye-rolling and calling something you care about "stupid" is rude, whatever that thing is.

How can you be happy for her when you think she will burn in hell for all eternity?

[quote]I’m not sure how to address it with her without it turning into a big debate about religion.[/quote]

She probably disrespects your belief because you are not having a big debate about religion. You believe you know the secret of spending eternity in glorious perfection and you won't even talk to her about it.

Teenagers can lack tact in how they express their feelings because, of course, they know everything.

That being said not every belief that someone else holds is necessarily deserving of polite deference. If someone talks to me about how they're in a hurry because they need to get to their meeting of "The Earth's Flat and The Royal Family Are All Shape-Shifting Lizards Society" then I'd struggle to pretend that what they're saying isn't batshit insane. If that makes me rude then so be it. The dividing line between beliefs that are deserving of respectful deference and those that should be called out for the utter bollocks they are is a personal one.

Maybe in your home rolling eyes and saying a belief is stupid, to me it would just be a teenager having an opinion. She Isn’t saying you are stupid or picking on your religion.
i think lots of things are stupid and I feel comfortable saying so to those I love and trust.

I'm with the daughter.

Maybe she's well versed on the Catholic church and child abuse scandals... Or knows why the last Archbishop of Canterbury lost his job for turning a blind eye to historical sexual abuse of children by priests....(he knew, but wished he didn't)

Either way, she's no fan of the church.

Good for her. She's just standing up for her generation, young people, who previously had no voice when they spoke to church elders...

Yes, it's not everyone (that old chestnut), but it's more than plenty from top to bottom.

There's a super documentary on the BBC now on forced adoptions... In their words "babies from young, poor working class mothers being given (sold) to nice, married middle class couples"... It went on decades, latterly into the 1980s, with cruel church led mother-baby units the last hold outs to making frightened girls feel like they had no choice...

Your daughter is smart to form her own, protective, opinion. Time to watch that documentary I suggest...

I don’t think this is about religion beliefs being respected. It’s about basic manners.

Why does she think it’s ok to roll her eyes and make rude comments?

If she was telling you about a band she’s into, or a brand, or a new fashion for hair, she wouldn’t like you to roll yours eyes and comment how stupid fashions are now.

We should be courteous to other people whether we agree with them or not.

In fact that’s a big issue these days- the expectation that disagreement makes rudeness acceptable.

She's a teenager and naturally knows best about everything. Your beliefs are different to hers so must be silly.

It's pretty normal but also disrespectful and something I'd address as a learning opportunity as much as anything. Ask her if she would roll her eyes if her Muslim or Hindu friend mentioned their religion. Remind her that whilst she doesn't have to understand your beliefs, and can even find them daft privately, she owes everyone a basic level of respect and that includes both you and your Christian faith.

I don't think you are being unreasonable and she should be polite. My parents are and were deeply religious. It's basically their whole life and always has been. As a teenager I'm sure I was rude to them quite often because it was suffocating and every response was through the lens of their religious beliefs. Now I'm old I just ignore them but I'm not sure I had the self control as a teenager. As someone said previously she is letting you know it's not her thing but isn't doing that respectfully. That's what she needs to work on.

This is how I feel about faith and raisjg my kids the same way. It is a pull from within that shoukd come freely rather than forced.

I have a friend who does this to me and I find it so disrespectful. Your teenager id being immature and ignorant. I hope you can nip it in the bud so that she doesnt behave like this as an adult.

Meh, 16 year olds are here to rebel, so I couldn't take that too personally. This is normal, healthy behaviour I would say, and if it weren't religion it'd.be something else.
I was a very vocal atheist as a kid. I even rejected the label atheist (blatant rip off of Christopher Hitchens/Dawkins and co) as it implied 'theism,' is a thing I should define myself by.
Age and maturity (I hope) taught me that others views are valid and interesting, and nowadays I try and find the common ground.
Just have it as a non-topic in the house, that's how me and my mum survived. A cheery, "well we don't agree so let's discuss something happier" should do it.

'I’ve always tried hard not impose my beliefs on them.'
Yet it's a massive part of your life. I'm not surprised your children are confused as to want you want.