AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

It’s hard not to talk about it all as it’s such a big part of my life.
It can be very difficult when a relatives life is dominated by religion and revolves around it. It can feel like theres no room for anyone or anything else, and can feel like an obsession.

That wasn't very kind and forgiving.

The dictionary definition:

Respect means a feeling of high regard or admiration for someone or something, along with treating them with care, politeness, and consideration.

I think your daughter should be polite to you but not necessarily have respect if she thinks what you believe is daft.

Clearly you have trouble reading and understanding words. I said she can model Christ's gentleness.

Meh, 16 year olds are here to rebel, so I couldn't take that too personally. This is normal, healthy behaviour I would say, and if it weren't religion it'd.be something else.

I agree with this - if it wasn't religion it would be something else- your clothes, your parkrun habit, your cooking, whatever. But I still wouldn't tolerate it beyond the odd eyeroll that I'd pretend not to see. I wasn't rude and dismissive to my teenagers and I didn't just put up with them being rude to me - and don't see rudeness as being normal and healthy. No big deal but just say to her please talk to me pleasantly - you wouldn't like it if I or anyone else went about eyerolling at you. 16 is plenty old enough to realise that parents are full human beings who don't just exist as a foil for their moods.

Have you asked her what she says to her friends?

I mention it because I know someone who is quite passionately anti-theist

And she will happily explain that and she doesn’t like the word atheist because she likes to express how much she is against organised religion.

Funnily enough, it looks to me as if it’s only the western organised religions that she objects to. I haven’t questioned her about this. But I have noticed that she finds it charming if somebody is a devout Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Buddhist etc

Putting it bluntly, I’m wondering if she’s in that kind of culture where only Christianity gets criticised. There’s an irritating amount of it about.

Or curse her as Jesus cursed the fig tree for not bearing fruit.

"modelling Christ's greatness" is creepy.

I wouldn't want my 16yr old daughter being told anything about "Christ's greatness" in order for an adult to get something from her, whether it be a type of behaviour or something sinister...

In the real world this preachy stuff is very manipulative towards teenagers. Predatory. It feeds on older people, elders, knowing 'better', quoting from a book in order to appear wiser, more correct, more respectable.

Even the vicar in Poldark was a creep. I wonder where the author got his inspiration????

Leave your teenage daughter alone. Religious fervour should end at bible class, not come home with you.

Team teenager here. It's really hard when a parent is totally indoctrinated and their life revolves around a church, the church comes first blah de dah. Just give her a break from it. It'll cause even more distance between you otherwise.

Being brutally honest, and I’m sorry if this hurts you, to many atheists religion feels like watching people take part in group psychosis. Or a cult. It feels bizarre especially among seemingly rational adults and being told about it can be tiresome and uncomfortable. I don’t want to hear about what happened at your cult meeting where you discuss things I think are lies told by historical governments to keep the masses, especially women and the marginalised, in their place.

I am an adult and can obviously hide my belief about other people’s faith and be polite and just say nothing in real life. She’s a teen who is pushing boundaries. You can ask her not to say those things because you find it hurtful. You cannot ask her not to believe them.

I agree she’s being rude and at 16, she’s matured enough to have a level headed conversation about not being so rude.

I think with how important faith is to you, it’s a real shame you allowed her to stop at 10. If she found it boring, it would’ve been the perfect opportunity to take her views on how to make things more interesting.

I know people who allow their kids to stop attending church but much older than 10.

To DS15, it’s never too late to attend a christingle service. I only found out about them as an adult and I love attending

There's a difference between respecting someone's right to have certain beliefs and respecting the beliefs themselves.

I couldn't respect the belief that the earth is flat, for example.

It’s hard not to talk about it all as it’s such a big part of my life.

I wonder if she feels a bit pushed to one side? It sounds a bit as if your religion means more to you than your children.

Or you could upturn the tables of the money lenders in your town if you are not feeling gentle.

I think at that age they are starting to think very deeply about things and I remember being that age and thinking what a horrible big lie all religions were. They are very dark if you think about it and don't believe in it.
Religion is a huge topic so perhaps discussing and debating would actually be helpful for her to process what she knows or think she knows. At her age sometimes it’s hard to know when to raise an opinion and when to think it in your head but not say it …
I’m not sure she’s doing anything wrong, really. Religion is a huge and emotive subject. She’s allowed to raise an eyebrow, I certainly do.

She is testing you. Continue to respond with kindness and grace, while being firm in your expectation that she treat you with respect. Don't allow her to goad you into being defensive, for example. You are right that you can't force your views on her, but you can model Christ's gentleness in your relationship with her.

Play Jesus music loudly in the car. And in the house when her friends are there 🤣🤣🤣

No OP don’t actually do that. But she is being an immature disrespectful little madam. Part of being an adult is living alongside and tolerating other people’s beliefs and identities.
I don’t believe in Islam. But there is no way I would be berating my lovely muslim colleague for her faith. In fact I ask her about it and we have had some great conversations.

Because she sees them as akin to bustling off to a meeting of the Flat Earth Society, as not worthy of respect.

She does sound rude however you talking about the church you indoctrinated her into for over 10 years and now she is questioning everything has to be a huge thing for her and you still 'seeing the church' is almost like you are having an affair to put it anecdotally. You tried to make her believe what you believe, she grew up and realised she doesn't believe yet you still mention it lots to her. Shes a kid of 16, she may feel you are rubbing salt in the wound.

She's 16 - she's just trying to get a rise out of you. It's normal teenage rebellion and if I were you, I'd ignore it. Once she realises you're not giving her a reaction, she won't bother!

Maybe she's bitter that she spent the first 10 years of her life being dressed up and taken to church and Sunday school etc every weekend and feels she needs to rebel against having your views imposed on her at such a young and impressionable age.

she’ll roll her eyes and say that all religions are stupid which I find quite disrespectful. I don’t agree with her beliefs but I would never call them stupid and I’m not sure how to address it with her without it turning into a big debate about religion.

It doesn't need to be about religion per se, or at all. It isn't about religion it is about understanding that people have very different views about politics, (many issues), ethics incl things like vegetarianism , abortion, assisted dying, whether Yorkshire pudding goes with Christmas dinner, and religion.

Talk about free speech (start with Voltaire), expression and different beliefs and opinions in a democratic society and that different beliefs and opinions are up for mutual debate but rudeness and personal attacks are not part of a democratic discourse in which free speech and the right to a personal opinion are fundamental.

Ask her if she believes in equality and diversity and point out that as she moves into college, Uni, workplace, she will encounter Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Dialectical Materialists and Scientologists and she can't just be rude to them all.

She is entitled and allowed to think 'all religions are stupid' - she is not allowed to be rude to you and she won't get far if she is rude to everyone who holds different beliefs to her own.

If you were an atheist, she’d be a fervent Christian. She’s a teenager finding her way. Let her be. Odds are that in a decade she’ll be ordained.

Eye rolls are standard teenage behaviour. She is allowed to have her beliefs. She is allowed to think religions are stupid. She is allowed to state her opinion, whether you agree with it or not. Why do you think she should keep quiet about it? If you don’t think it’s stupid, that’s all that matters.

I mean, I think all religions are stupid, were historically a way of controlling a population, are all massively misogynistic and have caused so many problems in the world, and continue to. Presumably you don’t think I’m not allowed to say that, and you can just disagree and we can move on?

She’s a teen. If you were into volleyball or art or bird watching, she’d criticise that. As a teen her purpose is to test and push boundaries. Give her the boundaries, ask her to respect them, anticipate push back.
You also need to respect her getting through puberty and a massive rewiring of her frontal lobes.