AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

Perhaps take the concept of faith out of the discussion:
'You don't have to believe what I believe, and I respect that you're an atheist. But church is genuinely good for me. It gives me friendship, community, purpose, time to reflect and opportunities to help others. There's scientific evidence linking regular participation with better mental and physical wellbeing. You don't have to share my beliefs, but I'd like you to respect that they're important to me'.

It depends how much and how you talk about it / how much respect you are showing to her views if she feels you “go on” about it - hard to say without being there ) and without being a teen with enhanced intolerance of parents

She’s 16. They tend to be quite argumentative and disagreeable at this age. I’d just leave her to it and not react.

Our kids were raised Catholic but are out and proud atheists. I’m quite proud they have the courage of their convictions.

DD should always speak with respect to anyone who talks about their day.

Remind DD that you would listen respectfully about her Athiest group's fund raising and choir singing and not call her stupid or her belief's batshit and that you will not accept inappropriate and rude comments.

Be careful not to over share your feelings about your actual belief system.
Stick to details of people you meet, food you cooked and money you raised etc.

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness and was one well into early adulthood. Plenty of us who have left the cult are triggered when our parents and other people talk about it actually. My mum still pressures me to attend the church now, and the thought makes me physically sick. And yes, I do mock and criticise their beliefs because it's a harmful organisation. OP's daughter was lucky in that she wasn't forced to go after ten, but maybe she feels strongly about the harm that religion has done. She is also 16, so will struggle to hide these feelings. OP needs to get a backbone.

Well yes. I agree. But given that this thread is not about if it is true or not, maybe not.

But I do have a NT verse for the OP that applies here. There is always a verse (almost always).

Mat 5:11-12 Blessed are you whenever they may reproach you, and may persecute, and may say any evil thing against you falsely for My sake- rejoice and be glad, because your reward [is] great in the heavens, for thus they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (LSV)

So OP should maybe be pleased they are being mocked, or feels disrespected/ persecuted etc ? I have no idea. That is one for the believers. But there is a problem with that.

Mat 18:6 and whoever may cause to stumble one of those little ones who are believing in Me, it is better for him that a weighty millstone may be hanged on his neck, and he may be sunk in the depth of the sea. (LSV)

I will just quote that verse, not the context. Being disrespectful/mocking a believer seems ok, but to try de-convert them is not. And the apostasy bit has been dropped. But it is a capital sentence. By drowning now, not stoning as per the OT.

Again though, this in on the believer. I am defo swinging heavily into the DD camp here. For the OP though.. there is this :

Mat 6:6 But you, when you may pray, go into your chamber, and having shut your door, pray to your Father who [is] in secret, and your Father who is seeing in secret will reward you.(LSV)

She should be respectful of your faith and the part it plays in your life. But she's also a teenager. I'd assume this is part of typical teenage rudeness / rebellion against what she's grown up with. The only thing really that you can do is lay down the law and tell her that there are plenty of things she does that you don't believe in, that you're not rude about. Explain it's about mutual respect.

But I'd assume her rudeness is going to continue for a bit. Unfortunately, it is quite normal for her age.

I'm guessing she doesn't go to a multifaith school

This is so sensible

I am a Christian too and would find the intolerance hurtful.

She is at an age where she is developing her own sense of self separate to you, it can make them feel critical and even repulsed by some elements of our personality- whether that is dress sense or taste in music. She also feels safe with you to state it, no filter or people pleasing going on at home like she might be with friends. However, she needs to be reminded that you are also a person with feelings and don’t deserve to be constantly negged about something important to you. A conversation about tolerance and kindness sounds in order. Do you have a DH? Sometimes I chat to my teens when they have a bit of friction with their other parent, try to broker some middle ground and try to help them see both perspectives. Sometimes it’s hard to have objective/curious conversations when you feel defensive or under attack.

do you think she might feel resentful in some way about the amount of time and energy you are volunteering at church? It can sometimes be a balance, sometimes you are needed at home more than being on the coffee rota iyswim

I think you have picked a very poor metaphor here.

We may not go up to strangers to tell them they have poor taste in music, but we have a rich tradition of teenagers letting their parents know their Michael Bublé or Susan Boyle LPs are shit.

What is research going to achieve? @Cantstopeatingjaffacakes daughter has stated she thinks all religion is stupid, suggests she has already done some research. She's not going to suddenly discover the God her mother believes in exists is she?

DD16

This is the long and short of it. She's a 16 year old that thinks they know better than their parents, like many 16 year olds do. You just have to ride it out unfortunately - trying to have a conversation in which you calmly explain that you find her behaviour disrespectful will be like a red rag to a bull. Just eye-roll right back when she starts up, she'll get bored of being all militant eventually.

I would reply every time “ well wouldn’t life be boring if we all thought the same”

@RedTagAlan You know what's coming next - Old Testament excuses. Of course that part of the Bible isn't true/what we believe etc. That was the old God, before Jesus. Whilst ignoring that Jesus himself was said to quote Deutronomy often. "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God" - Seek Ye First, hymn sung in Christian churches all over the world.

Hypocrites in every religion, no wonder your 16 year old is atheist @Cantstopeatingjaffacakes.

But she’s not an adult, she’s 16, a time when teenagers DO start to question the world around them.

OP, I’d open discussion with her. Let her air her views and encourage research, but keep it respectful.

I would say sit down with her and have a proper conversation about how to deal with this moving forward.

I was forced to go to synagogue for years as a child and absolutely hated it. I am now an atheist.

From her perspective, you will sound ‘stupid’ saying that you’re going to prayer group as you will be praying to nothing. You will also sound silly saying you ‘respect her belief’. God doesn’t actually exist, so it’s you that has the ‘belief’, not her.

Speak to her about rudeness and ensure she knows she can’t act like this around other religious people withour facing serious consequences. But also understand she is allowed to be annoyed with it and she will always have the same opinion about it.

I as a ‘Jewish’ atheist understand people are religious. I don’t respect it though.

@Diamond7272your post makes you sound like someone who likes to impose your views on others, and judge others negatively for not agreeing. Diminishing the rights and views of others, and acting superior because your beliefs differ. It reminds me of the school nuns of my Catholic childhood actually. Ironic, I think.

There is always a Bible verse. And here is the one for this instance.

"Deu 21:18-21 When a man has a son apostatizing and being rebellious he is not listening to the voice of his father and to the voice of his mother, and they have disciplined him, and he does not listen to them then his father and his mother have laid hold on him, and they have brought him out to [the] elderly of his city, and to the gate of his place, and have said to [the] elderly of his city, Our son is apostatizing and being rebellious; he is not listening to our voice--a glutton and drunkard. Then all the men of his city have stoned him with stones and he has died, and you have put away the evil out of your midst, and all Israel hears and fears."(LSV)

Woah. I am not suggesting that at all. I am atheist. I have no belief in the supernatural at all. But it is in the Bible. And if someone says they believe what is in the Bible....... well.

And I think this brings up an important point, and other posters have mentioned this. We can expand on what other posters have said. That is respect for beliefs, or nonbelief works both ways.

If a religion has a belief that there will be an end of days, burning in hell for eternity, or variations of this, for anyone not of the same faith, then that is rather disrespectful to those others.

So really, for me anyway, if a believer has a loved one who is without belief, then the respectful thing in that instance would be for a conversation where the believer makes it totally clear, with conviction and honesty. that the loved one is excluded from that belief.

That of course opens up a can of worms. But that can of worms belong to the believer, not the one without belief.

So when the OP announces they are off to Church, is DD sat there thinking, " Off they goes to pray for the end of the world so all of us burn for eternity while she and her pals sit on a cloud listening to Cliff Richard sing... for ever" ?

Edit - formatting.

It covers a range of religions and philosophies and generally does not go into the detail of studying the religious text itself. You don't need bible passages for RS, its op being a bit "church blind" as a pp said and not realising how much she goes on about her faith.

Yes the DD is being a bit rude. But the op would do better to find common ground with the DD and talk about other interests & non church focussed parts of her life.

If you don’t believe that the Earth is round, for the lack of personally conducted experimentation and scientific research, how do you even get through one day? Quite a number of the fundamental things that make our world go round, so to speak, are generally taken on trust by us Muggles.

Personally, I’d have no truck with a Flat Earther any more than I would a Scientologist or Jehovah’s Witness, for example.
Faith is one thing, and good luck to the happy sort who have it, but when it’s wrapped in truly unacceptable dogma and barking mad attitudes to science, I exit stage left, shaking my head. Nope.

I’m an atheist with stage 4 cancer. My partner is a devout Catholic who thinks lighting candles in the church and prayer is actually going to make a difference to my prognosis. Sometimes it’s hard seeing how brainwashed someone you love really is.

She should be polite of course, but please stop talking about her “beliefs”. She doesn’t have beliefs-atheism is an absence of belief! Do be absolutely sure you’re not talking to her in a way that sounds as if you’re trying to persuade her towards your way of thinking. But definitely challenge any rudeness.

@Diamond7272 Funny you mentioned the BBC, who are very adept at covering for creepy predatory men over several decades. (What's with all the ellipsis at the end of your sentences?)

I thought the people bringing hell into the conversation were being sarcastic? At least that's how I read it.

My church is weird, but we're actually growing (although not as fast as an underground church in Iran.) Safeguarding is taken very seriously. We have lay clergy, so it's a bit different to the Catholic church or Church of England.

She doesn't have to respect your faith. She does need to learn to be considerate of people. Many of whom have a faith.

It's an important difference and it's possible both of you need to learn the difference considering your thread title.