AIBU to expect my atheist teenager to respect my faith?

You need to have a word with your daughter. She doesn't get to disrespect you in any way, be it calling your beliefs stupid or calling you names. You're the mother, it's your responsibility to set the boundaries - make it clear to your daughter that she's entitled to her opinions and beliefs, but she does not speak to her parents with degradation and disrespect. End of.

You are right. Following along with that. If it is fair to tell your parents off for listening to shit music, why isn’t religion fair game?

Let us substitute religion for say golf.

Supposing this young woman had been dragged along to golf for the first 10 years of her life from an infant and subjected to an incessant background noise of golf talk, and then at last been allowed to let it go. But she now still finds herself still surrounded by incessant golf talk as the focus of her life at home - who can blame her for rolling her eyes?

And yes - I do think the substitution is valid. Religion is not exempt from being boring to those who do not share that interest.

OP needs to backpedal on the church references and find other things to talk about and to share with her DD, with whom I have huge sympathy.

So much to unpick her. First though, nothing could induce me to tell my DD I'd be mocking her feelings. Even in response to her mocking mine. Just terrible parenting.

Thank goodness OP went with connecting in other ways.

@Cantstopeatingjaffacakes
exactly this!!

16 year olds and their bloody opinions. They know everything, apparently. I have a (lowly paid) difficult and time consuming job that’s quite hard to do well. The 16 year old told me earlier this week that I’m making a massive deal out of it and that AI can easily be do what I do. It can’t, by the way.
I find that the 16 year old in question doesn’t much enjoy me talking about work. Glib responses ensue and I get annoyed. So we have to find other topics to converse on. Maybe your 16 year old feels the same about church as mine feels about my job (it seems to be believed that my job is a kind of mania!)

Women’s rights and gay rights are not immutable facts, like “scissors can cut paper” or “apples grow on trees.” They’re a series of laws that are the result of ideologies. You and I believe they’re correct, but that they doesn’t mean they aren’t ideologies.

Of course it’s an ideology. You and I both agree that it’s the correct thing to do, but let’s not pretend like gay rights are an immutable fact. There are still people alive old enough to remember when consensual sex between men was a crime.

If those "ideologies" disappeared over night @YankSplaining women would still be women and have rights, gay people would still be gay and have rights. @Cantstopeatingjaffacakes wouldn't have an issue with her teenage child saying all religion, including hers, was stupid because there wouldn't be any religious people.

I would avoid talking to her about it beyond saying I'm off to church back in a couple of hours, but if you are mentioning it to a group and she is part of it then she should be respectful.

Religion is a big part of my life but I do have other activities that I guess I can talk to her about more.

I love this OP. Love that your take from this thread is to find other ways to connect with her. I hope you can find common interests to connect over.

@Pallisersbut it is really, really annoying.

I have a relative that often mentions going to church, people at church… oh at the church etc. it seems to be the sole focus of their life.

I couldn’t bear to live with someone that did it.

I don't think that supporting gay rights is an ideology any more than choosing not to mug old ladies is an ideology.

But feminism and gay rights are ideologies. As Mumsnet never tires of pointing out, not all women are feminists, and supporting gay rights doesn’t mean someone is gay.

Mentioning where you went during the day isn’t pushing an ideology, no matter where you went. And it’s unreasonable to think that people, talking in their own home about their own day, should have to censor themselves when talking about it, or else they’re “pushing an ideology.”

I’m not assuming people don’t say it. I’m pointing out that it’s objectionable when they do say it, just like it’s objectionable to expect OP to have to censor very basic information about where she went.

She is talking about how she spent her day not "religion". Do you think Andy Burnham talks about the weather when he gets home because it is rude to talk about politics and that is what he does for a living so no mention of anything he did all day is appropriate?

You're not comprehending what you're reading. Or, you don't care to take the time to try. I told you I don't actively believe things I don't have evidence for - as you shouldn't. But I do "accept" scientific consensus. I remind myself scientists have been and continue to be wrong about things and so I don't rely on blind faith - which is literally what we're talking about here! I can accept something without actively believing it. I wouldn't join a flat earth movement, but I also don't shout at anyone about science unless I know what I'm talking about - I don't need to have done the experiment literally myself but I at least need to understand the experiment and I don't so I'll just stay out of it either way. I don't need to actively believe anything about the earth's shape to go about my daily business. For the record: I accept it is round(!)

It's interesting you don't see the irony in choosing to believe something just because it has the word 'science' attached when you yourself don't actually 'know' for sure.

Anyway, back to the actual point: no, I don't respect people who believe in fantasies, but as long as they don't hurt anyone, I will tolerate them by not insulting them to their faces when they bring it up. I'm an adult and can just choose not to engage.

i find it best not to talk about politics or religion with anyone if I can help it.

I would just try hard not to mention it all, as much as it bothers you how she reacts it probably bothers her the same when you mention it.

A teenager will roll their eyes about anything they find a pain and they are hearing too much about. That's fine.
If a member of the family makes incessant mention of something they do not like it will be tedious e.g. grinding on about a hobby or political view. Showing irritation about this is normal.

Religion does not have to be exempt from this. It is not in a separate category. It is just as open to criticism and to annoying a family member as anything else.

I expect this lass has " had it up to here" with it all in her 16 years and wants to hear no more.

Why is it any more disrespectful to express irritation about this rather than about say golf?

No special pleading for religion I say.

My Mum was devout Catholic, we were all raised Catholic but I stopped going to church voluntarily about aged 11 when my Grandma died. But I attended a Catholic school and we had mass there every Friday in the chapel on site. Any Holy Day of Obligation that fell on a school day also meant church.

My Mum knew I didn't believe but it was a huge part of who my Mum was and she also gave out communion to those who were too ill to make it to church, was involved in other church activities. It wasn't just attending mass.

My children are atheists but they are not allowed to make fun of anyone having faith and believing in a God, whatever God that may be - Christian, Hindu, Sikh, Muslim etc. Your DD wouldn't dare roll her eye to a classmate talking about visiting temple or the mosque so call her out on her behaviour now. It is rude and disrespectful and do not allow the whole they are teenagers bit to sway you. Teenagers especially need to be taught how to behave.

I am in a similar position with my own DD. She is also 16 and very much an athiest. Me, DH and her DB are all Christian. We are very respectful of the fact she doesn't believe and has no interest in church. However my DD is respectful of us (not the religion itself). She understands why faith is important to each one of us. How we came to it. We didn't indoctrinate her brother, he actually led us back to faith.
I am also a kids faith leader. My DH is also a kids leader, media volunteer and cooks for church so we are quite active in church life. She knows this, will ask about certain things (like hows Alpha going dad? Was service ok this week?) But will not get into theological debate because in her eyes its stupid. She has been to church before (to check it wasnt a cult) and decided it was "safe".
Do I wish things were different? Yes. But I respect her beliefs regardless.

Tell her that if she insists on eye rolling then you will be doing the same when she talks about her feelings.
Tell her that you won’t allow religion or politics ruin your relationship so no discussion and be respectful.
It is difficult when they’re teenagers. My DD is very left wing, I’m definitely more right wing, we don’t discuss of these issues. She thought it was funny to say her friends were laughing at memes about Charlie Kirk yesterday.
I told her to get a grip, a young father died. I like others didn’t agree with everything he said but would never mock a tragedy.

Tbf she is not an adult.
Teenagers are notoriously self righteous and she is displaying normal teenage behaviour. Obviously her rudeness needs to be called out - that’s the parenting side of things.

I wonder whether it is quite tedious for her hear about church-related activities all the time and maybe disrespectful of her beliefs. Or just hearing about the same activities repeatedly is getting grating- if OP was always talking about the cycling club, gym routines or whatever.
I could clearly be off the mark but something for OP to maybe consider.

Fervour of any kind is dull and absurd for the non believer, be it religion or sport etc

If she’s an atheist, it will be very hard for her to ‘respect’ your faith, but she should be respecting YOU.
Talk to her about it from that perspective and you may get some progress.
Good luck xx