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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of school directly undermining me

235 replies

LainaDelBoy · 10/09/2026 16:42

I’m at my wits end and really need some external perspective from people outside my local school/council area. (I moved to another part of the UK to raise my children, so this is not the school system I went through myself and isn't an area where there's much school choice - if you're not happy, you pay to go private it seems).

Since starting school at five, DD has routinely used a school-issued iPad (no one told me this would happen). I gradually discovered, mainly through what she told me rather than information from the school, that she had been signed up to all sorts of platforms and apps without me knowing/us being asked to approve.

It seems she has watched YouTube during lessons (I've regularly heard they've done PE on YouTube/"music" I've learned is often a sing along Disney song with the words at the bottom? etc) and come home talking about things seen in adverts. Some of the apps have coins, rewards and "friend" features which was a lovely (!!) sudden introduction to class bullying to deal with. and she's been using AI tools on the thing, but school haven't ever told me what it is/why/and I still don’t know what that tool was.

This week, another mum has just confirmed that the school ipads DO also all have email addresses through which they could message one another (although kids like mine age 5 aren't told the passwords for a couple of years yet - thankfully apaprently).

and tonight she's just come home talking about reading a book at school, only for a few questions later for it to bcome clear that it's not a BOOK book, it's another bloody ebook they scroll through on the ipad.

Stepping back a bit: I feel as though the school and council have taken away my ability to manage how much screen time my DD gets, while telling me I have "no legal right to opt out" of so much screentime at school when I asked about toning it down last year (I didn't ask for specifics, I just asked about the messaging stuff, and how much time they were on the iPad for typically).

We game a lot as a family (consoles/etc so i'm not anti-screens generally), but i just feel like there's a constant barrage of poorly done apps, videos and AI without clear limits or safeguards in her classrom. I don't know if it's like this in all schools.

In the UK, would you consider this "normal" or acceptable? Have other parents successfully asked for reduced digital screen learning/alternatives? AIBU to keep challenging it (the council are quite adament that their policy has zero flex)?

I don't know where to go from here and i don't want to be "that parent" but there are so many red flags here but i don't know if to keep pushing on it?

OP posts:
Acandidateforwax · 11/09/2026 17:01

LainaDelBoy · 11/09/2026 15:10

there is no option to move schools, that's not how it really works around here from what i can tell. we do have a private school about 45min drive away but it's not huge and it is very expensive - nowhere near the level of income we'd need for that to be an option (as in - the fees are higher than our salary combined!). so that's a good point and TBH if we were still in the city where I grew up then that WOULD be an option because there are more middle ground fee paying schools available (i'm not saying cheap, but more options to suit different means). here it's just not possible.

Check the council website regarding moving schools. It’s a simple process.

LainaDelBoy · 11/09/2026 15:10

there is no option to move schools, that's not how it really works around here from what i can tell. we do have a private school about 45min drive away but it's not huge and it is very expensive - nowhere near the level of income we'd need for that to be an option (as in - the fees are higher than our salary combined!). so that's a good point and TBH if we were still in the city where I grew up then that WOULD be an option because there are more middle ground fee paying schools available (i'm not saying cheap, but more options to suit different means). here it's just not possible.

OP posts:
Wonkybaby · 11/09/2026 14:45

The school sounds shite. My kid’s primary school does have the whiteboard screen at the front of the classroom but everything else is in exercise books. DS2 is still in primary btw so Im not talking about donkeys years ago.
I’d ask to see their learning policies and the evidence based studies showing that 5 year olds on a bloody iPad all day is a suitable method of education.

Muffsies · 11/09/2026 14:07

LainaDelBoy · 11/09/2026 12:39

the school doesn't have proper computers for the kids to use (nothing with a keyboard and monitor or anything, which i can understand if you're learning about computers as the subject). it's all ipads for learning on, but it isn't for computer learning (i'm not even sure if they learn that at primary school level around here, sorry!)

Edited

This bothers me too. And i don't like the fact that Apple push their tech in schools either, it's a cynical marketing ploy to get kids hooked on all the ultra expensive i- products.

Saddaughter999 · 11/09/2026 13:54

LainaDelBoy · 10/09/2026 16:42

I’m at my wits end and really need some external perspective from people outside my local school/council area. (I moved to another part of the UK to raise my children, so this is not the school system I went through myself and isn't an area where there's much school choice - if you're not happy, you pay to go private it seems).

Since starting school at five, DD has routinely used a school-issued iPad (no one told me this would happen). I gradually discovered, mainly through what she told me rather than information from the school, that she had been signed up to all sorts of platforms and apps without me knowing/us being asked to approve.

It seems she has watched YouTube during lessons (I've regularly heard they've done PE on YouTube/"music" I've learned is often a sing along Disney song with the words at the bottom? etc) and come home talking about things seen in adverts. Some of the apps have coins, rewards and "friend" features which was a lovely (!!) sudden introduction to class bullying to deal with. and she's been using AI tools on the thing, but school haven't ever told me what it is/why/and I still don’t know what that tool was.

This week, another mum has just confirmed that the school ipads DO also all have email addresses through which they could message one another (although kids like mine age 5 aren't told the passwords for a couple of years yet - thankfully apaprently).

and tonight she's just come home talking about reading a book at school, only for a few questions later for it to bcome clear that it's not a BOOK book, it's another bloody ebook they scroll through on the ipad.

Stepping back a bit: I feel as though the school and council have taken away my ability to manage how much screen time my DD gets, while telling me I have "no legal right to opt out" of so much screentime at school when I asked about toning it down last year (I didn't ask for specifics, I just asked about the messaging stuff, and how much time they were on the iPad for typically).

We game a lot as a family (consoles/etc so i'm not anti-screens generally), but i just feel like there's a constant barrage of poorly done apps, videos and AI without clear limits or safeguards in her classrom. I don't know if it's like this in all schools.

In the UK, would you consider this "normal" or acceptable? Have other parents successfully asked for reduced digital screen learning/alternatives? AIBU to keep challenging it (the council are quite adament that their policy has zero flex)?

I don't know where to go from here and i don't want to be "that parent" but there are so many red flags here but i don't know if to keep pushing on it?

Our school is similar - even homework is online and they giving letters for parents saying year 2 kids doesn't know how to write and advising to limit screen time at home. School should be with ZERO screen.

Asmallburp · 11/09/2026 13:31

apparently they are spending a chunk of every day on the ipads.

who said this? The school?

Asmallburp · 11/09/2026 13:30

This issue aside, are you happy with the school?

MistressIggi · 11/09/2026 13:11

SevenYellowHammers · 11/09/2026 12:56

It absolutely was! Silly sod had googled something pretty unambiguous about “teens” the dirty bar steward. I’m even be careful of your yoga tbh. Keep everything separate. I got a reconditioned laptop for about £150 and keep personal and work very separate.

I don't look up YouTube for personal reasons on a work device - but yeah having the same login isn't ideal. I do so much research from home though it's a pain to log in and out

MarchInHappiness · 11/09/2026 13:06

My dd is 27, and I still remember her lessons showing occasional YouTube video and she also used Mathletics. But there is a big difference between watching a short YouTube video on a rainy day or to supplement a specialist lesson, and using a learning software program for a small period of time to being reliant on technology for teaching.

Seethethingis · 11/09/2026 13:06

I completely agree. Here we are trying to keep boundaries on screen time, keep the kids living in the 3 dimensional world, and there they are ramming screens at them at any and all opportunities.
I was absolutely shocked that our councils parental permission form included a section which asked me to agree the school was not responsible for any inappropriate material my 7 year old child might access using IT at school! The brass neck of all brass necks.
And they used Tik Tok at school assembley last year too. That went down like a fart in a lift with the parents.

SevenYellowHammers · 11/09/2026 13:05

@LainaDelBoy are you saying some parents can monitor usage and some can’t? I would be:am concerned. I’m not Luddite but I think they are being used Willy nilly and they are increasing screen time hugely. We’re rural with long bus journeys and they aren’t using them for “private study” on the buses !!

SevenYellowHammers · 11/09/2026 13:00

@LainaDelBoy it is to save on the photocopying text book bill. It’s a pain in the arse. Teaching kids to annotate a pdf electronically wasn’t conducive to engaging with the actual text. Nightmare.

SevenYellowHammers · 11/09/2026 12:56

MistressIggi · 11/09/2026 11:12

I suspect it was the content of his search history that got him sacked, not just showing it! I doubt I'd be sacked for my history of yoga and revision videos 😃

It absolutely was! Silly sod had googled something pretty unambiguous about “teens” the dirty bar steward. I’m even be careful of your yoga tbh. Keep everything separate. I got a reconditioned laptop for about £150 and keep personal and work very separate.

LainaDelBoy · 11/09/2026 12:39

the school doesn't have proper computers for the kids to use (nothing with a keyboard and monitor or anything, which i can understand if you're learning about computers as the subject). it's all ipads for learning on, but it isn't for computer learning (i'm not even sure if they learn that at primary school level around here, sorry!)

OP posts:
LainaDelBoy · 11/09/2026 12:36

The council are funding the iPads to be clear, it's from the budget. it's not the actual school buying them, and parents don't have to pay for them.

i've had a chat with another mum who had asked a lotof questions around this last year and apparently they are spending a chunk of every day on the ipads. they've disabled the screen time settings on the ipads so you can't find out how long children have been using them, but you can't seem to enable it to start tracking it. (to be clear, i'm not allowed to bring the ipad home that my DD is using, it's only permitted in a couple of years once they get their email password and are expected to also do homework on the ipad at home).

I've got another couple of parents to check for me. none of them hav the digital wellbeing thing enabled.

so you can't see how long the screen time usage is unfortunately like you would a normal ipad you'd bought.

i am speaking to more parents who can tell me more about what they're using them for - so far i've been able to hear it's PE, music, books, and some gaming stuff that i haven't been able to fully understand yet, which i have no idea why they're on the ipads never mind able to access them. i will hopefully get a clearer idea then.

Yes - to the posters guessing we moved to scotland - i never went to school here so this problem is new to me - i should have possibly asked more questions but you never think you're going to have to fight a screentime battle at age 5 and 6 with school, i thought this was a battle with early teens probably!

OP posts:
ToffeePennie · 11/09/2026 12:30

OhhhChihuahua · 11/09/2026 08:24

How is school affording all these ipads?!

There’s a “scheme” in place in our school. Parents are supposed to sign up to pay £xx per month and then at the end of their time in primary school they pay £xxx that’s left to keep it or the school keeps it. I refused to pay for tech that is outdated. My older son in secondary now was given an iPad that the support was dropped for in 2022. His best friends mum paid for her son to keep his iPad, Apple no longer support that model, so it’s a very expensive paperweight at this point as it no longer can download the operating systems required. It’s a system whereby the school gets a “kickback” of £XX every time someone purchases the iPad to keep.
The school also no longer needs HLTAs in every class and just has 1 TA covering a whole year group.

notanothernamesurely · 11/09/2026 12:28

My son has just started secondary and is completely overwhelmed by the amount of apps and websites and logins.

and honestly, so am I! Email after email with apps for monitoring homework and lunches and paying for clubs and so on.

Asmallburp · 11/09/2026 12:14

DooDallyHallie · 11/09/2026 11:43

I don't t think your 5 or 6 year old is a reliable source of information as to how long they are spending on screens each day.

They have very very little concept of time

The Op has got herself in to a state on the basis of her 5 year old’s version of screen use at school

movinghomeadvice · 11/09/2026 12:11

I have absolutely seen this at various schools I’ve worked at as a teacher. My previous school was a private international school, and their primary years programme had a BYOD policy from grade one.
Between daily Reading Eggs, activities on SeeSaw, lazy teaching in PE which seemed to be exclusively YouTube videos, music lessons involving lyric videos, language lessons with 20min kaboom games in a 45-min lesson, ‘inquiry tasks’ which seemed to consist of watching endless videos… the screen time was ridiculous.
My own DS did one year at the school and ended up completely addicted to the iPad. We got rid of it as soon as we unenrolled him, and are so pleased that there is no screen in sight at his new school.

While I don’t do it myself, I sympathise with teachers who overuse screens. Behaviour is so awful and it’s the only guaranteed way to keep students quiet and engaged in something. It’s pushed endlessly by SLT. Paperwork and admin is so overwhelming that I’ve walked past multiple lessons with students on screens while the teachers frantically do admin on their laptops.

Its so sad and definitely not what teaching is supposed to be about.

DooDallyHallie · 11/09/2026 11:43

I don't t think your 5 or 6 year old is a reliable source of information as to how long they are spending on screens each day.

DooDallyHallie · 11/09/2026 11:39

Favouritefruits · 10/09/2026 17:31

I don’t think it’s right but it’s becoming normal, more and more schools are using technology in favour of old fashioned books and textbooks. By the time they reach high school it’s ridiculous how much they do online, all homework, lots of lessons on computers it’s sad how the world is changing!

That certainly isnt universal. My children have never been set a single piece ofo line homework at either primary or secondary school

Twilightstarbright · 11/09/2026 11:30

You’d love our school- the HT is very selective about technology and campaigns about low screen childhoods. It’s a private school but it seems to be a growing trend.

What you described sounds excessive and I’m reasonably lax about screen time.

Underchairstair · 11/09/2026 11:15

Bushmillsbabe · 11/09/2026 10:39

No necessarily - my daughters attend a state primary, and from years 3 to 6, a specialist teacher comes in 2 days a week to do music lessons for all the classes. Every child gets an instrument and they put on a little concert each term led by the music teacher - they do a different instrument each term. This has included African drumming, guitars, violins, keyboards, trumpets, singing, steel pans.

They also have specialist PE teachers come in to take all the PE lessons from years 3-6, and a dedicated forest school lead. The time the children are in music,PE and forest scho then makes the 3-4 hours PPA time for each class teacher, rather than employing cover.

Yes, and what this poster is describing is very common across English state schools. It used to be called Wider Opportunities, can't remember the name now, but it's run by county music hubs and is open to all schools in the area. It's hardly the case all state school pupils never touch an instrument. Children I've taught have learnt violin, ukulele, drums. If they show promise, there is a pathway for small group lessons etc.

MistressIggi · 11/09/2026 11:12

SevenYellowHammers · 11/09/2026 08:55

Trust me, it’s used all the time. Did you see some low life teacher got sacked the other day because he left his search history on whilst looking for a clip projected in front of a load of kids. Oh yes!

I suspect it was the content of his search history that got him sacked, not just showing it! I doubt I'd be sacked for my history of yoga and revision videos 😃

Bushmillsbabe · 11/09/2026 10:39

SevenYellowHammers · 11/09/2026 08:58

Very interesting. So like music lessons and the arts, our kids in state schools get the cheap way

No necessarily - my daughters attend a state primary, and from years 3 to 6, a specialist teacher comes in 2 days a week to do music lessons for all the classes. Every child gets an instrument and they put on a little concert each term led by the music teacher - they do a different instrument each term. This has included African drumming, guitars, violins, keyboards, trumpets, singing, steel pans.

They also have specialist PE teachers come in to take all the PE lessons from years 3-6, and a dedicated forest school lead. The time the children are in music,PE and forest scho then makes the 3-4 hours PPA time for each class teacher, rather than employing cover.