I just saw this poem-I will do this as a mother, but mine didn't, did yours?

No mine didn't do anything op. X

I’d like to say yes.

But I was confident as a mum I’d breastfeed, be tuned to my baby, wouldn’t use screen time and wouldn’t resort to snacks.

So I can’t say how I’d be as a grandmother.

You wouldn't have wanted your mum to cook you a meal? I would have loved something like that from my mum. I have a husband too, but he works such long hours & there's only so much frozen cottage pie a new mum can eat. Plus, the act of care would have meant a lot. Though mine didn't coo over the baby or babysit either, so maybe that would have felt the same.

I wouldn't have wanted my mum to do any of that. I had a dh.

My mum's advice was also from the late 70s, so not really the done thing in the 21st c. She did the right thing: cooed over the dc, loved them and babysat.

If dd ever has a baby, I'll probably be in work. I'd hope she'd chosen a partner like her dad, who could support her and be team dc.

You do know that poems don’t have to rhyme, right? 🥴

Chances are more likely to be a mum being snapped at by her daughter that ‘I can do it myself’ or ‘that’s not the way I do it!’ (I was very cranky as a new mum!)

My parents didn’t really do anything but that’s because they lived a long way off and weren’t really young and well enough. I think they would have if they’d been able to.

Fair question. In my case, my dad was a bit out of his head on substances the whole time, so not around much, and not conscious much when he was around.

I hope I get to be a grandmother and I want to be whatever my kids need if/ when I am. I think DH would be a great grandfather.

Mine was dead, so no.
MIL was fairly helpful.
i will be there if DD has a baby but on her terms.

May the Lord save us from twee drippy poems. 🙄

My mum visited for 2 days, a few days after my first was born, and told me I had "a bit to go yet" to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight 😂That's far from the worst thing she did once I became a mother ...

And no, she didn't cook, or do any laundry. I did a lot of cooking for her though. Ah, good times.

If you get to become a grandmother, you would be best to listen to what your child and their partner actually want you to do, rather than some God-awful poem.

Even for example “folding tiny clothes” - maybe they had been looking forward to that and don’t want you moving in and doing it!

Well my mum didn't come stay with me. But to me it wouldn't have been normal to have her stay actually.
I didn't need her advice or help much really.
Although it was nice when she visited sometimes and brought a meal. I don't know if how I felt was normal or not for others. I often feel that my experience of having a baby was different to what a lot of people tend to say on here though.
So I guess I don't recognise your experience of how it should be.

Why are people on focusing on whether or not their mum helped? For those who have fathers, why are we not discussing if they helped?

Beautiful poem. I only have boys but I will help as much as possible.

My friend is one of four children. Her dad never lifted a finger to do any childcare, cooking or cleaning "because it's a woman's job". Both parents had careers, mum wasn't a SAHM. When my friend got pregnant, her mum announced to her that she will not help with childcare because nobody helped her and it was really difficult, so my friend has to cope on her own as well. What a vile thing to say to your child

I thought it was going to be This be the Verse (Philip Larkin).

Mine had died suddenly 2 years earlier so no, she didn't come to help me. However, DF was brilliant. Came when DD was 3 days old and did gardening, vacuuming, DIY, drink-making and offered to cook (he was quite good back then!)

MIL came 2 weeks later and did bugger all. I BF DD so she just stared at me offering "advice". In the end, I asked DH to take her out and show her around.

My DDs are now adults and although neither is interested in having children, should that change, I will be guided by them. If they want something, they only have to ask. If they want bonding time, that's fine. If they want a housekeeper, fine. Parenting is more than the first couple of weeks.

27 years in, DF has proved to be a fab grandparent. Now the DDs look after him as he is in his 90s and a bit frail. MIL moved down and was actually ok once the DDs could talk. She loved showing them off to her friends and would happily entertain them for an hour or so if I needed it. She died 13 years ago but said how happy they had made her. She just wasn't very good with babies.

This.

Did your father offer any help when your parents came to stay? Or is raising a child just women’s work? DH and I just wanted time to ourselves to work it all out before anyone came to stay. DH was perfectly capable of washing dishes and folding tiny clothes and all that - when people came to visit, they came to visit the baby, not do the laundry! My mum did enough washing up and laundry for several lifetimes when she was raising us; she didn’t need to do mine once I was a grown woman.

My mum did all the things in the poem. She visited me in hospital three times and come round every day for at least two weeks once I came home with my daughter. She would have stayed but we moved house when Inwas six months pregnant to a near derelict house and we had only managed to get the kitchen, bathroom, our bedroom, and the nursery finished before I gave birth, so there was nowhere for her to sleep 😆

My Mum was like this. She held and cuddled my children whilst I wanted to do something my way. But mostly she made my meals, did my washing, and gave me advise.

I realise now how truly lucky I was. It was a stark contrast to my in-laws who only wanted to come see baby, but that soon died down. I actually think they were jealous my mum was here and they weren't.

When baby went into hospital and my in laws came to visit. We asked them to pick up a pack of nappies as we were running out. First thing they did was ask my husband for the money back. Oh and they also asked for car parking money too.

My mum died when I was pregnant with my first child. But she would have been amazing. When my sister had her first baby she stayed with them for 4 weeks (in another country) and make them lunch and dinner every day. So amazing, bless her. She was a lovely mum.

My mum was amazing. She stayed for two weeks and did everything!
Dh went back to work and took two weeks of holiday when my mum went home.

My mum came over (lives about 30 mins away) and judged everything my DH did as wrong or inadequate. (Some of it was...) She did some laundry but I genuinely wanted to do everything myself. When I had trouble breast feeding she was very opinionated about how I mustn't give up. She was ok, but it was the same as all contact with my mother- an unease from me about never getting anything right, while not really knowing what I have done wrong, whilst also knowing that she loves me but doesn't know how to show it! I find sentimental mother/daughter stuff a bit icky tbf but I would expect the tone of support with a newborn would be set by the usual tone of the relationship

My mum did a good job. I was in hospital for a month and she brought me home cooked meals and visited most days, when I was discharged but DD still in NICU we stayed at her house till DD came home.

My mil was also awesome and stayed at our house to look after dd and cook for 2 weeks when I had to go back to work at 3 months.

Nope. MIL would come down once a week to 'help' but never lift a finger. But then again this is the same person who organised a 'surprise' 1st birthday for our fist child and only invited her friends & family and a couple of SIL's friends.