I just saw this poem-I will do this as a mother, but mine didn't, did yours?

100% and 20 years later she still would. I feel sad for those who don’t have a good mother/daughter relationship

I’m afraid I have no idea. My mother was dead by the time my children were born. I feel very emotional reading all the posts.

Surely they can write their own poems?

My late mum walked away from her desk one afternoon to drive an hour to me when I couldn't get my newborn to stop crying - I didn't even need to ask. I'm sad for those who didn't feel that support.

My mum was pretty good at understanding that the baby wanted me, and I wanted the baby, and not making any demands of us.

MIL was pretty overexcited and tried to foist a lot of unwanted guests on us (immediate family fine, but if she'd had her way we'd have had all sorts over - not that I think all her friends were genuinely interested!).

My dad was and still is the genuinely helpful grandparent. It's like having a kindly butler when I visit them, from running around picking up dropped muslins and rearranging cushions for feeding, to escorting my son for a wee now.

Yes, but a lovely bonus. I took that to be the point. Not "isn't my mum awful for not doing that", just "wouldn't that have been lovely to have".

Mine arrived to help and was probably more useful than I remember. But my main memory is of being woken up from an exhausted nap because she "couldn't for the life of her" work out where I kept my pans to start on dinner.

It was about 3 pm, and the pans were in the pan cupboard by the cooker, and I was so ungrateful at being woken to deal with this domestic emergency that she went and sat in her campervan and cried.

I'll probably annoy my daughters just as much.

This is awful I would help my daughter however she wanted me too. I’m sorry your mum didn’t help you x

I'd love to do this for my daughter. My mum didn't, she was a workaholic and couldn't even take time off in case I went into labour and was all alone. Luckily my in laws were there for me with my 1st baby

My mother got into a huff about something a few days after my first son was born and didnt speak to me with civility for the rest of her life.

It's a little unfair to place that kind of practical help expectation on a grandparent. If they have been good and loving parents to you, that should be enough to ask of them. Anything else is a bonus.

Well my first grandchild is due in 5 weeks. I have already said to DS and DIL that I want to help, but I will be guided by them as to what that looks like. I am cutting my working days down to 4 days a week so I have a day to offer them, but again it's up to them if they take advantage of that and how that works.

I am hoping that when DIL goes back to work I can do a days childcare but that's their choice. There will be no dramas if thats not what they want. I have also made it clear that if I am asked to help I will respect their wishes in terms of how things are done with the baby and I am aware that it's a long time since I had a newborn and ideas have changed.

DH is on the same page as me with all this. We love our son and his wife and are lucky to have them nearby, but we have our own lives and although we want to be involved with our grandchild we want this to work for everyone.

This, 100%. My mum (and dad) would gladly have done all of these things, but the last thing I wanted in those early days was another adult in my space.

😂Ah, ok. I think I get the picture now. Tbf, if my mum had cooked for us, it would likely have been tuna sandwiches, so you prob have a point...

My mum did help out yes but not in an obtrusive way and she would have done more if I had wanted/needed it.

All of my child's grandparents are selfish as hell. Just wanted all the perks of being a grandparent without wanting to help. My own mother was worse than the in-laws, creating even more work for me with every visit, demanding endless access to "her" baby, and offering no help to me.

I will definitely remember this if I ever become a grandparent.

This.

How was this even published?

I'm not sure I'll do housework for my daughter as I absolutely hate it. My mum never did for me, my husband did, we coped.

Hopefully i'll be in a position to pay for a cleaner and I'll definitely cook for her as much as she likes, and hold baby while she sleeps or showers.

😇

God no. I didn't realise vegetables were nice until I met dh. Don't think I've chosen to cook in over 20 years! Certainly wouldn't have wanted her cooking for me in my own house. She wouldn't have known to do with half the ingredients.

My did bugger all. Visited once for 15 mins with my first and not all with my second.

My mum turned up at the maternity ward, stayed 5 minutes while her boyfriend waited outside in the car, took a Polaroid then went home and showed everyone the photo of her “darling” grandchild.

She never even got his age / birthday right.

😂

My mum was great with the first one and did come to sort washing and look after me. All went to pieces with the next one sadly.

MIL and FIL were very much sitting there to coo over the baby and expect endless cups of tea,

My mum is not the sort of person to come and be helpful, she also didn’t breast feed so I don’t think she would have related and I admit to being quite particular about food etc so I would find having her around a bit suffocating. I would like to think I would know my DD or DS well enough to do what they found helpful if they needed it though.

My DM didn't do that when DC1 was born but DH did so there wasn't a need.

When DC2 and DC3 were born my DM stayed with us to look after the older DC.

Not everyone wants that!