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AIBU?

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Should I tell my daughter she's got post?

136 replies

statement · 10/09/2026 13:24

DD(21) is home from college for the summer. She acts like nothing more than a lodger. Will grace us with her presence when it's time to eat only and will spend 24/7 on her phone locked in room otherwise. Never makes time for the rest of the family but will happily go out with friends. She's had a few letters and a parcel which has been on the coffee table for two weeks. For context it's not a messy house, there's nothing else on the table but her letters and parcel. But this is her way, she notices nothing about the household and acts like it's a hotel. If something has fallen on the floor she will step round it. Everything has to be pointed out to her every single time. This has happened before when her driving licence arrived. It was on the table for a few weeks and she asked me if it had come and I said yes there it is. If I hadn't told her it would have been there for the rest of her life. No ND, all regular.

AIBU to leave it, even though they look like important letters?

OP posts:
Firefly100 · 10/09/2026 13:34

I wouldn’t tell her. Serves her right. If she asks I’d even say ‘I don’t know, have a look’

MelonSorbet · 10/09/2026 13:34

Go and put the post on her bed.

SleeplessRoads · 10/09/2026 13:34

I’d tell her one more time that you’re putting her post there. I’d put it in her room because I wouldn’t want it in my line of sight permanently. But no, you don’t need to notify her every time a letter arrives.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/09/2026 13:33

Clearly not if you’ve not mentioned post in 2 weeks

ChequerToRed · 10/09/2026 13:32

Ignore the letters, she’s an adult and you’re not her personal PA.
Also, if she’s treating your house like she’s just a lodger, then she can start contributing financially or find some where else to live outside of term time.
Change the Wi-Fi password.
My son is the same age, but he’s perfectly sociable, does chores such as bringing in laundry and clearing up after dinner. I’d never let him behave like your daughter.
Put your foot down.

statement · 10/09/2026 13:32

Yes I have tried to engage her! All the time.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/09/2026 13:29

grumpygrape · 10/09/2026 13:28

Isn't summer over now? How much keep does she pay?

Why? Do you think if she pays keep it makes a difference to saying when post has come?

LongTallTally · 10/09/2026 13:29

I guess it depends on whether you want to be a grown up or play games with a 21 year old.

grumpygrape · 10/09/2026 13:28

Isn't summer over now? How much keep does she pay?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 10/09/2026 13:27

Have you considered making her engage with the household a bit? Do you not speak at all when eating?
Id have told her there was post when it arrived as that’s just a normal thing to do rather than leaving it to be found to be honest. I’m not suggesting she’s not being a pain, but it’s just normal if you pick up the post to say to the other person in your house ‘some post came for you’.

HeckYeah · 10/09/2026 13:27

Just tell her..