Should I tell my daughter she's got post?

Just tell her she has post. Why would you not. If that's the way she's always been then you should be used to it. If they are important letters then it's best she opens them than miss something. I really don't understand why you're being so childish & not telling her.

Put the post on her bed.

When she is in her room, go and talk to her. Say that you were happy to see her come home, but that she needs to engage a bit more in household stuff when she is home. Stuff like helping out by making dinner etc, cleaning communal areas of the house (assuming that your other kids have to do it as well), and spending some time with family - you could just do one evening a week as a family movie/games/ socialising night, which isn't much to ask.

If she thinks that that is unreasonable, then perhaps suggest that next summer that she makes alternative arrangements for where to stay, as you are not her household staff.

Why are you putting up with her rudeness?Stop doing everything for her. Turn off the WiFi. Stop paying for her phone, if you do, and sit her down and tell her the facts about how people live together. Give her a deadline by which she has to pull her socks up or tell her she can move out and not come back.
My two young adult DCs drive me nuts at times but they’re polite, do their own washing, will offer to cook a meal, eat with us if home and will empty the dishwasher/put out the rubbish etc without prompting. They spend a lot of time in their rooms when they’re not at work but regularly express their gratitude for various things.

My mother would open my mail and read it and I’d get given the 3rd degree. At 19yo I had a miscarriage and never told anyone, I ended up seeing a counsellor, my parents found out by my mother opening my mail, they actually turned up at counselling demanding to know what was going on. So yes it’s a good sign that your DD feels it’s ok to have her mail sitting around trusting no one would ever open her private correspondence.

Maybe I cook and wash up for my children as a daily act of love, and I don't need them to kiss the ring to feed my ego.

It‘d be interesting to hear the DDs version

Put them in her room; on her bed

But you’ve allowed her to be like this.
Tell her you expect her to engage and contribute to family life or to bugger off.

I take it she’ll leave the dishes for you to clear up when she’s eaten at her convenient times, (not your mealtimes) If so in future, there’ll be no food left after you’ve eaten and cleared away. Tough love.

Is there a father around or is she just used to walking all over mum.

😂😂😂

She sounds bad mannered.

So don’t be a doormat and give her the post, let her use her own initiative.

Why does she dislike you so much?

On a silver platter, perhaps.

I think next time you see her, you need to tell her that her behaviour this summer has actually really upset you, that you feel like an unpaid maid for a lodger who doesn't pay rent. She's behaving SO selfishly - this is her family home, not just a bunch of dickheads she happens to live with.

I was horrible at this age, but I didn't treat my family home like it was there solely for my own convenience.

When my 20 something kids get mail, I just put it on their beds. Then they get it when they get home and it's out of the way. Easy.

Same here. She's an adult and mum isn't her PA.

Agree, my 3rd year student has been back for 10 days this summer. Is only back now cos she was looking after the dogs yesterday. Have accepted she’s got her own life now.

I don't understand this ... surely you just hand the post to her and say 'this post arrived for you DD' and DD grunts or says 'oh thanks mum'. Or you point to post and say 'DD not sure if you've noticed but you've got some post that came the other day and it's on the coffee table'. Or you take it and put it on her bed.
Surely all of these things are just normal communication though!
Why are you on here asking how to cover such a simple form of communication?
Also why aren't they coming down to eat evening meals with the rest of the family?

I wouldn’t tell her. It’s not like you’ve concealed them or tucked them somewhere out of the way. You’ve left them in a perfectly obvious reasonable place. If she chooses to stay in her room and treats the house and her family with utter disdain when she comes down, then maybe she’ll learn not to stick her nose in the air and ignore the house and its other occupants.

If there’s a parcel, then presumably she’s expecting that. I assume she’s just waiting for her personal servant (you) to hand deliver it into her lap as she scrolls on her phone.

Dont! Leave it on the table and maybe that will make her wake up to her surroundings and pay attention.

What do you actually get out of having her living with you?

Yes. I do this with my DD. I just put everything on her bed.

Oh, aren't you weird.
Do you actually allow your family members to treat you like head cook and bottle washer because they might, unbeknownst to you, be saintly paragons outside the house? Or is this just a bizarre flex?

Did your daughter just suddenly appear in your house one day? Or did you raise her from a young age and bring her up to be like this?

Do you think you should have allowed her to leave home if she is so useless at behaving like an adult?

I don’t have much sympathy for you. When I was at university I was in a house share with a girl who completely ruined my experience. She was not mature enough to be living independently and I remember at the time wondering how on earth her parents had allowed her to leave home. Usually I hate seeing women aged over 18 referred to as “girls”, but there’s no way I could seriously call her a woman - she was barely a functioning human being, and nothing like any other adult I’ve ever met.

I remember her complaining once because her mother “always had a go at her”, and I remember thinking how I wasn’t at all surprised.

Maybe she doesn't exist in the world to do favours. Maybe her presence is enough. Maybe she does extraordinarily kind things that no-one sees, and just doesn't think about her post much?

Just chuck them on her bed

Why don’t you just tell her when she’s got mail? That would seem normal to me.