Is it unreasonable to get a present for a sibling when it's their brother/sisters birthday?

100% with your DH on this. A birthday is a special day and a good way to learn that you are not always the centre of attention. My MIL (who is lovely) also tried this but I told her no. Bizarrely she never ever would have done this or expected anyone to do this for my DH or his siblings. She also tried to do a separate stocking from Santa that she claimed he’d delivered to her house before Xmas so she could bring it on the train to give to my DD. That was also knocked on the head. I’ve no problem with random presents but no to consolation presents for the non-birthday child.

I do that. My nieces were close in age so when when they 2 and 3 eg, the birthday girl got a ‘proper’ birthday gift and the other one got a little something wrapped up too to try to stop any tears!!

Silly cow mil. Agree with your husband. He's the parent also not her. Why are so many people not able to stand up to their in-laws unless this is a joke thread

Never heard of anything so ridicolous. No wonder there are so many spoilt brats around. Children have to learn that they will have a birthday too.
Who needs all these presents anyway?

Seems to happen more and more

I replied on your other thread

Who are the parents ?

You and dh

so support him

tell mil to butt out

and fwiw

no NEVER give a prevent to the child whose birthday it isn’t

they have their birthday

they do not need presents on their siblings birthday

Don't think it's a big deal in the grand scheme of things, I'd be more concerned she is directly going against your husband though in doing it which could be an issue later down the line.
Does he really care that much? If yes, then should do as he is asking..

It’s definitely something some families do. My kids always get a little something for each other’s birthday, I don’t know why but my parents always did it, my brothers and I even got a little present on mum or dad’s birthday! It’s just a little way of celebrating each other I suppose.

I think it’s up to her who she gives a present to and when. Perhaps don’t give your dd the present when DS is opening his birthday presents but otherwise I think it’s her MIL’s choice.

I did buy little presents (like colouring pens or something) for the non birthday child when my youngest was very small.

I don't think you should buy presents for the other children. I'm in my 50s- this was never fone when I was younger. Your mother in law should respect your wishes. It's best if u and husband sing from tgh same hymn sheet

My MIL always bought the non-birthday kids a book. And she buys me a book on each of my kids birthday.

Her mother started it with her and her siblings as it got them reading more books.

Does your DH have siblings? Does his dislike of it stem from his own childhood?

No I don't agree with gifts for the siblings of the birthday child. Sends the wrong message to me.

I’m quite firmly on your husband’s side here. Children naturally have the perspective that the world essentially revolves around them and it’s our job as parents to gradually introduce the reality that this isn’t the case. Birthdays are a great time to teach them this. It’s an opportunity for them to see another person other than themselves be celebrated. I think it’s a great opportunity to help them grow a generous nature too - I try and get mine excited for the act of giving and getting enjoyment from seeing someone else’s joy.

My grandparents did this when I was a child. It’s fine. It’s nice to get a little present. It’s still pretty clear whose birthday it is. I don’t think it damaged me or made me a brat 😂

Or you could teach them the presents aren't there's and to leave alone

Meeeh let it go, as long as its not a massive gift and just a small thing its fine. Lots of people do it.

I think MIL wants to give gifts and it’s supremely ungrateful not to just accept with grace. I also think it’s really controlling to tell her what gifts she can get for who. MILs just can’t win on here. Your DH sounds dour.

I think it depends on the ages of the child. For pre-schoolers it can help keep them quiet and stop issues (eg them wanting to 'help unwrap' siblings presents before they start. Yes they need to learn but it's sometimes nice to do without a 'teachable moment'. A 10 year old - no way. We did this with my kids when they were small amd they were fine stopping hen they got bigger and they were fine celebrating other people's birthdays (like friends and other family) without getting jealous. I can confirm they're not at all entitled and often will tell me to find a cheap copy of clothes on vinted as full price isn't worth the money!

I don’t think it’s necessary, and it’s not something I do. I also don’t think it’s a massive problem.

What I do think is a problem is her doing it despite being asked by the child’s parent not too.

We didn’t do gifts for the siblings. There are treats for everyone on birthdays like cake, balloons and chocolate and the siblings were happy with this.

It’s certainly not a new thing- I’m a granny now and some of my “kids” are well into adulthood and we’ve always done it. No jealousy or brattish behaviours- just an understanding that sometimes it can be nice to share the fun of a sibling birthday. Also I love present buying so it just seems natural. Like giving a sibling a wee gift when they get a new baby- which seems quite reasonable to me. Little ones can struggle with big emotions so when they’re young a birthday of a sibling can be tricky to not feel jealous. So why not make that a little easier? They still
know it’s not their birthday and a fuss is made of the birthday child. But it’s shared out a little. I do it with my grandchildren too! But it can literally be little things like a Pp has said like hair bobbles or a book etc. not a massive gift.

We did it when the DC were really little as it is hard for them watching a sibling opening a big pile of presents, especially if their own birthday is ages away. Only a little present though.

Now they are a bit older we have had an emergency present stashed in case the sibling started to lose it, but haven't had to bring it out.

No way. You teach them from the start that your birthday is your special day. In my family there are birthdays close to Christmas (just before and just after) and there are no joint Christmas Birthday presents. Children are now adults and never had a problem with it. Do the people who buy presents for other children on a birthday do the same if their child goes to a birthday party? Where does it end?

If the gift giver wants to do it is fine but it shouldn't be an expectation
SIL insisted we do this but I said no, when we arrived for Dnephews 1st birthday party she asked where Dnieces present was and I said I hadn't go one (I did have some chocolate buttons in my bag though). SIL pesented me with something from her "gift drawer" and old me to give it to Dniece. I said no
She then handed it to Dniece and said "look what uncle and Aunite Hopping got you" I said that we hadn't
That was a frosty afternoon

I doubt you have.😀
I have only one child so it didn't apply. However, I have 2 grandsons, 2 years in age difference.
We always let the non-birthday boy pick up something himself, like a little dinky car, or some such treat.

I agree, it did neither any harm.