Is it unreasonable to get a present for a sibling when it's their brother/sisters birthday?

My parents always did this!

How long did this go on for ? I think it’s okay if they were both toddlers, not so much above the age of 5

My mom does this but my girls are both still toddlers so it’s more to stop any scraps !

I'm a teacher and only found out recently that this was a fairly common practice.

In a class of ten year olds, discussing birthday celebrations it came up that a good majority of them expected and received a gift on siblings' birthdays.

I'm not so sure that parents are sending a good message this way. You have to learn to take a back seat sometimes.

Having said that, if it's GPs who want to do this, maybe I'd let it slide.

Definitely not a fan of parents doing it though. If you've got more than one kid, each one deserves their special day and attention from parents.

I'm in my 50's and my Nan always got us a small something on the siblings birthday until we hit 18, so I now carry on doing this for my nieces and nephews, I think it's just a nice little gesture, I did not grow up spoilt or brattish.

One of my in laws did this. It was okay to begin with but then for a couple of years the younger one thought her sibling was stealing her presents.😂

I never did this, (but I had five kids with widely spread birthdays and so it would have been a never-ending expense to buy for the non-birthday kids) and it was never done for me and my brother. But I don't really see a problem with it as long as it's made very clear that it is the birthday child's special day and the 'little sibling gift' is just a small thing because it's 'present day'.

When my ex-h was a child, his parents always used to get his sister a present. This meant he felt that his birthday wasn’t special or for him. He was very resentful of her.

I get the idea that kids have to accept it's someone else's day, but I can't see this is a massive deal, unless only one kid gets favoured (as in on Anna's birthday Elsa gets a gift too, but Anna didn't get one on Elsa's).
But is the issue MIL feels she doesn't see them enough so is overcompensating? You say you're not close, so maybe encouraging more time with the family would solve this, because she wouldn't feel she has to do so much with gifts,

There is a massive difference between:

One small present for the sibling that keeps them happy and occupied (perfectly fine, relatively common, and can be phased out easily as sibling grows up)

and

giving large equal sized presents to the non birthday sibling, or multiple non-birthday presents (which takes away from the birthday sibling and is harder to stop)

My sister and I are 51 and 43. We both used to get a small gift on the other one’s birthday. I think we’re both quite well adjusted and not entitled because of it. Not sure when it stopped but many years ago

And both of us felt special when it was our birthday. The unbirthday present was just a nice extra

Hard no

I have a really vague memory of getting a little something to open on my brother's birthday (and vice versa) but it must have just been when we were really small as we definitely didn't do it later on.

Seems fine to me if it's mils idea and not something the parents are demanding. She sounds very thoughtful.

My husband hates his birthday, thinks it’s pointless because his mum did this on his birthday. I feel so sorry that he had all those years of not feeling special in any way. We try to make up for it now though.

Is she going to keep it up forever and do it for both? If not she shouldn't start. I wouldn't do this personally

I think a token gift for the sibling(s) is fine. My mum does this - just something little like chocolates or a book, but it's always appreciated by the birthday siblings.

You can absolutely go overboard with these things but a little token from granny isn't an issue imo.

Would be a no from me, kids need to learn not everything is about them and on a siblings birthday they don’t get a present

We always did this with my kids when they were really little, pre-school kind of age up to about maybe 5 or 6. Something really small, as at that age it's more about having something to hold/unwrap as it is the actual value of the gift.

It was always perfectly clear and understood whose birthday it was, birthday child always had several and bigger presents, as well as cards, badge, being sung happy birthday to, blowing out the candles on their cake etc, lots of traditions that aren't about gifts. All that giving the siblings a little something changed was it stopped the present opening bit from being ruined for the birthday child by their toddler sibling having a huge tantrum and having to be carried off/taught /told off about jealousy and how it's not nice to scream/hit/snatch your sibling's things, and/or the whole thing delayed until they'd been seen to and calmed down, which to me is a lot more annoying on your birthday than your sibling being given a little plastic car wrapped in 20 layers of paper pass the parcel style and costing 50p or something, but that keeps them happy while adults focus all their attention on you?

The fact that I can't even remember when we stopped doing it shows it wasn't a big deal, they grew out of needing it of their own accords and ended up loving their siblings birthdays and being really happy and excited to give one another gifts and see their sibling open their presents with no expectation at all of getting anything themselves, which I think shows using a tiny bit of well timed bribery doesn't have to ruin your child for life. They very rarely got presents at other occasions though, certainly not the Easter/Valentine's Day/Halloween/start of school/end of school/any other occasion for gifts that some children do seem to have nowadays. But if you are the kind of parent who gives lots of gifts all the time anyway (or their grandparents are) then I doubt it makes a huge difference one more on a siblings birthday?

Team husband.

By giving the non birthday siblings gifts, you're demeaning the Birthday, its not special if EVERYONE gets a gift! Kids need to understand that their birthdays is when they get birthday gifts, not other peoples birthdays... 🙄

My grandma used to get my brother and me a token present when it was the other's birthday.

No one else did and its not something I did when my children were born.

I can understnad wanting to keep it a special day for the birthday child but occasional deviations and traditions that are upheld by one person or one side of the family are always quite nice, I think.

As long as things aren't actually harmful, little traditions are quite nice.

My ExMil always bought a small token gift for the non birthday DC when they we were little. It phased out after 3-4 years. We just let her carry on.

I'm with your husband. My mum did this initially for my kids and their birthdays are only a week apart! When they were tiny it didn't bother me, but when they were a little older I asked her to stop. One kid doesn't need to be compensated because it's the special day for another child. I didn't want them to grow up begrudging other's special events because they weren't being celebrated too. Instead we started an early habit of them buying presents for each other, so they could get into the habit of thinking of that other person, what they would like, etc. It's at best unnecessary and at worst teaches them that they can't celebrate something special happing to the other. They need to learn to be happy for each other, not that everything will always be made equal (because life is not like that!).

Now that is an excellent idea. 😁

Funny how the son is getting a present on the daughter's birthday but the daughter didn't on the son's. Be very very careful that this isn't just out and out sexism and favoritism.

I absolutely wouldn't get a present for the non-birthday sibling. However I wouldn't get too worked up about what grandparents do. I'm of the view it's ok for grandparents to spoil them a bit. My PIL tend to buy gifts at random times just because we are visiting and don't always get birthday/Christmas presents. My DP always buy for birthdays/Christmas and rarely in between. It doesn't seem to cause any issue.

However at the end of the day I do think parents should get final say in raising kids, so I think your MIL should listen to DH on this if you don't have a strong opinion.