Is it unreasonable to get a present for a sibling when it's their brother/sisters birthday?

Mil buys a small gift for the non birthday child and I’ve never had an issue with it

yes it is the birthdays child’s special day but it’s nice for the birthday child to see their sibling have something to enjoy too. It’s not like they are getting equal gifts or anything

My mother did this when I was a child and I have decided not to do it or let her do it with my own children. I would back your husband as he obviously has strong feelings and you don’t and with decisions like this it is best to be on the same page as each other as parents.

@Holdinguphalfthesky It isn't a tradition, it's something some families choose to do to help a sibling feel less left out when they are too young to handle big feelings.

I think it’s important for children to learn that sometimes the attention and celebration belong to someone else. I agree with your DH and find your MIL being adamant and not respecting the parent’s wish irritating.

I’ve never heard of this tradition, I wonder if it’s a regional thing?

I have to say, if anyone suggested it to me, my first thought (and second thought) is that no, nobody should be taught that they need compensating for someone else’s special day. Instead, you build up the pleasure with the sibling of choosing something lovely that you know the birthday child will really appreciate, keeping a special secret (the good kind of secret!) and then finding joy in seeing someone else’s delight in what they’re receiving. Then you all get cake and party food and Prosecco so nobody really misses out- unless they think that if the day doesn’t revolve around them, it can’t be a good day. And that would be sad for everyone they know!

We used to get presents on our siblings birthday when we were primary school age.
The sibling with the birthday got more/bigger presents but the other got a token present.
I have fond memories of it, I don't think it's a big issue. Certainly not worth falling out over.

My brother was born the day before my birthday so we always had to share parties and cakes. My sons managed to actually share a birthday so their sister didn't get to muscle in on it as well. Presents on your own birthday only, not your sibling's.

Depends on age … are they old enough to understand why sibling is the old one getting presents?

My brother and I got little presents on each others birthday, I liked it :-)

Completely agree and with my MIL we’ve escalated over the years to the latter and it’s a big problem.

We do it as my mum always did. Just a small thing.

We had this! Family members insisting on doing double gifts for our kids birthdays despite me really not wanting them to. Now kids are older it’s still a problem as they insist on having same number, value etc of gifts from these relatives on each others birthdays. I find it horrible and think it’s not teaching them anything good about being happy for other people, waiting for your turn etc.

Why does it matter if she does or doesn’t . Can’t you just let her enjoy buying and giving her DGC a gift ?

It seems very odd to me. In all my many decades I’ve never come across it. I feel that it’s a good life lesson for everyone to learn - that it’s not always their turn to receive gifts, and that sometimes its nice just to focus on someone else ie the birthday boy / girl.

It’s been a tradition in our family for several generations that the non-birthday child gets a smaller gift or two. They don’t get this on adults’ birthdays and it was not done to “stop them being jealous”, it’s just a nice tradition. Nobody has grown up to be a “brat” or “entitled” as one poster suggested. 🙄 Both of my children love birthdays and take great pleasure in choosing their own gift for the other one’s birthday so it’s certainly not detracting in any way from the birthday child.

Surely it’s up to your MIL what she decides to give people as gifts. Why is your husband trying to dictate this to her?

Agree with your husband; it’s all about the birthday boy/girl and your mother-in-law should respect your husband’s wishes.

Although maybe it has more to do with my mother in law going against his wishes than the actual present.

how did he explain his opposition? I am assuming you asked?

But more importantly: Your DH made an entirely reasonable request and your MIL is still „adamant“ about ignoring his clearly expressed boundaries. It’s therefore time to support your husband. Be a united front etc…

I do this for my niece and nephew who are now teenagers, the birthday one gets their birthday present and the other gets a wee gift, a book or similar when they were wee, chocolate or a lip balm type thing as they’ve got older. It’s nice to be nice, and I would never get something for one of them and not the other

My paternal grandma bought me and my sister a gift when it was the others birthday every year. It was only a small token like a chocolate orange or a box of maltesers and she called it our ‘un-birthday present’. We absolutely loved it and it certainly didn’t take away from the fact that it was the other sibling’s big day.
My parents have taken over the tradition and buy my DS a similar size token gift for their un-birthdays too and it’s something all find amusing and special.

No one can be left out can they. Present for the child whose birthday it is only.

The planet is dying. Kids just don’t need all this stuff.

My grandma always gave a small gift to the siblings, maybe a couple of pounds each, and the birthday child got £15-£20.
My mother did the same for her grandchildren - £30 in a card for the birthday child, and £5 for siblings (each of us only had 2 children, so it wasn’t a big amount of money)
It did no harm and the birthday child felt special regardless.
I loved getting a little treat, while not taking away from my siblings’ special day.

as you’re staying out of it I can’t say you’re being unreasonable. But I do think your husband is. He should allow granny to treat both children. It won’t harm them. It will hekp
their relationship. He is a mean Scrooge.

I do this, especially for younger kids. I would give the birthday boy/girl their present but also give their sibling a smaller present (sweets, book, craft kit ect)

Clearly I am in the minority because I’m 100% on your DHs side. It’s actually coming up for my DS 1st birthday and I put in the invite for no presents for my DS. I am huge on birthdays we usually do a week long celebration for everyone in our house and our kids have birthdays on the opposite side of the year. Honestly my children are incredibly loved and get presents almost weekly from family so having one day one of them doesn’t get a present won’t kill them 😂