Is it unreasonable to get a present for a sibling when it's their brother/sisters birthday?

I’d prefer she didn’t do that.

Not necessary.
But your DH will need to prepare his kids to say - thank you.
Next year ask MIL to make sure it is a token gift or a chocolate frog etc.
It is ultimately gift givers decision.

My parents used to get my sister an “unbirthday” present on my birthday and I got one on her birthday, just small token things up until we were about ten. It wasn’t a huge deal and neither of us were slighted by it. I’d let it go.

Why does he get to rule anything? and yes I would say exactly the same in reverse

how on earth do children getting presents, birthday or not create this much drama

I remember getting gifts or money for "becoming a big sister" but not on my siblings birthdays. This was never by my parents

I would suggest that:

Your MiL is allowed to buy gifts and treats BUT
It cannot be for someone else's birthday. Birthdays are special days for that person.

If she gives a special treat to one, she does it for the other I.E, a present that's not birthday wrapped to both.

This would be filling two of our home rules:

"Everyone has their special day"
"Nobody gets treated without the other being treated too"

It means both children get a small/equal value treat AND the birthday child is celebrated additionally too.

Maybe discuss with your husband what you want your home/family rules to be and then find a way to communicate that. Your in-laws can go against them but if you stay firm at all other times, the children and the adults will learn your values on the situation.

It’s a problem because it’s going directly against the expressed wishes of your dh. I imagine he’s upset about your blatant lack of support too tbh.

Gosh no.

It’s a good thing for kids to learn and I would never tolerate siblings grabbing at presents.

MIL doesn’t get to go against the parents’ wishes.

I am older and I remember getting a small present on my younger brother's birthday and he on mine.. Two years in a row I got Fuzzy Felt - a circus one year and a woodland the next I always knew it was his special day and he knew it was mine. It stopped when we reached 10.

I always planned to do it with my children but had twins so there was no need. But if I am buying for a new baby and there is an older child or children, I always buy them a little gift and a card saying congratulations on becoming a big brother/sister. A nice gesture, is a nice gesture.

It is not something I feel the need to do but I also dont see a problem of a sibling getting a present, why would a birthday person be the only to allowed to get a present? sure I would not buy a sibling a present but I see absolutely nothing wrong in that it needs to be stopped like it is a bad thing either

I think my siblings sometimes when i was a kid and I was happy for them

Hear, hear

I think it’s pretty pitiful… a bit like medals for everyone on sports day. All you do is feed the sense of entitlement that some children have.

God no. Why?

I wonder then how everyone of my generation and my children's generation survived just fine without sibling presents and party bags? 🤔 We also didn't get lots of presents on our birthdays, just one from parents and from each set of grandparents and if we were lucky one from an aunt. It wouldn't have entered anyone's head that the other children in the family should ever have presents when it wasn't their birthday.

Mine got a “Big/Little Sister” present on the other one’s birthday. A small, wrapped gift which was given at the end of the day if they had let their sibling have the limelight and truly celebrated the day. Just one, not a big ticket item, but we never had an issue with jealousy over birthdays and I believe this helped.
You can’t control what others do and MIL is doing this out of love x lots of people would love to have family that care as much.

I always got a little gift (£10-15) from my parents and grandad on my sister’s birthday and vice versa while we were in primary school. I think it’s a nice thing to do and would do it for my children too.

I find it bizarre getting siblings presents, I’d find it so weird if this happened when I was younger. Kids need to learn how to deal with their emotions and your mil should respect her sons wishes and give the small present another time

i did this for my three kids while they were young - unbirthday kids got one present each while birthday kid got several. It’s very had when you’re really young to not get anything while someone else gets lots.

My brother in law used to do this and he did this because his Granddad used to do it.

my MIL was an only child, so when she went on to have just two boys very close together, her Dad used to buy both the boys gifts and so my brother in law carried that on when we had two boys, but then we had a third and it stopped.

so what I’m saying is, I think it’s unusual but I think it’s when there’s just two children/small family and there’s a sense of not leaving one out.

I didn’t massively approve but like the other posters, I didn’t massively care, there are worse things people could be doing and in the end, it never harmed my boys. However, what was funny was even the non birthday boy always found it a bit odd but happily lapped up the Lego!!

my BiL has since gone in to have two boys and I wouldn’t dream of wasting my money on su h nonsense. But the intention was always sweet

I've never done this or known it be done among my immediate family and friends and must say I think it's a terrible idea. Why on earth can't children be taught from an early age that everyone has a birthday, that it's their special day with presents and a celebration and that other people will have those things on their birthdays? I'm a grandparent of young adult grandchildren now and am so glad that when our children were young the only child who got presents on the day or at a birthday party was the birthday girl or boy.

Always give a little something if the children are very young. It doesn't take away the spotlight from the b day child who will get plenty of presents. A small gift for the sibling isn't something that will make them entitled for life ffs. Not everyone will do this; my parents didn't but my gp did and it made us feel extra happy to receive a little gift even though it wasn't our birthday.

@Cherrytree696 Your dh sounds very unpleasant to his mum. He can't order people what to give and to whom. As far as he's concerned he can do what he wants. Us he rigid in other aspects in life as well?

How can you "see both sides really"?

Your MIL is being absolutely nuts. Do not allow it, it's completely ridiculous.

Love this. Wish I had thought of this!

I can’t see how this is difficult, where her own husband is having to fend off MIL’s overweening demands affecting the whole family.
OP should not stay out of it at all, but stand as one with DH in order to (begin to) send the message to MIL that they, thank you very much, are the parents here and therefore make the rules.
OP says she’s not bothered about the child receiving a present or no, therefore now is a good time stand with DH, and commit to a policy of showing togetherness on family matters, because thus far her MIL is assuming OP has no opinions on any matters affecting her and DH (as she relates in her subsequent post).

MIL is taking it as read that she only has to bully her son in order to get her own way.
It’s hard to blame DH if he ever gives way under such a barrage, when he has no support from his wife on whatever matter is being discussed.
Once their double act is at last established, he’d be far more likely to have the confidence to tell his DM to keep her neb out of his family affairs, since at it stands, MIL is surely feeling emboldened by knowing OP isn’t going to raise a peep, and he himself may be feeling resentful that he always has to be the only parent with anything to say.
(Gawd knows, she may even be throwing this lack of common purpose in DH’s face, and that kind of stuff can be very harmful)

Not saying all this is OP’s fault, any more than it’s DH’s.
Of course it’s the interfering MIL, and she needs to be kept in her place by a close, united couple she’d be reluctant to bully.
Even if OP can’t yet bring herself to speak up, she ought to indicate to DH that she is in agreement with him, if she ever hopes to clip MIL’s wings.
[Be it noted! This isn't giving DH carte blanche; but the urgent issue at hand is OP’s frustration over MIL’s powers of persuasion.]

Exactly this 👏🏼 so much joy in planning and doing things for other people. And in birthday celebrations!

So difficult but at least you're staying out of it. Tbh I agree with your husband, I think kids need to learn it's not about them that day but their turn will come. One of my DBs was notoriously bratty in many ways (always nagging for things until he got what he wanted as one example) and he'd always kick off when it was someone else's birthday that it wasn't fair they got presents and not him, he'd want to blow the candles, get a gift, unwrap gifts and so on. Not fair if I got to go to a friend's party either.

Anyway, he had all sorts of problems at school and jobs, lots of conflict with authority in different forms, eventually with the police. Obv a massive slippery slope argument but I just want to ensure my DC are a bit more resilient around birthdays - today is not your day, we'll celebrate and be happy for the birthday kid but on your day, you do get to be centre of attention and have all the usual birthday things.