Is it unreasonable to get a present for a sibling when it's their brother/sisters birthday?

I have a friend who is obsessed with being the sole focus of attention on her birthday and I find it odd tbh!

I totally agree with this! I cannot bear adults who are obsessed with their own birthday 😂

I think the opposite. It’s creating a problem when there should not be one. They shouldn’t be grabbing presents and crying.

Personally I think it's utterly ridiculous, and did no such thing myself. Ditto, blowing out somebody else's candles

You see - I have really fond memories of this with my girls. No entitlement or loss of focus on the birthday girl - just genuine fun. We’d have hours of fun with those candles. “Sister blow them out!”, “Daddy blow them out!”, “Uncle Fred blow them out”. Uncle Fred would invariably pretend to lack the puff to do so and great hilarity followed. (I am not germ phobic and roll my eyes at people who won’t have birthday candles on a cake they will eat - but there were definitely a couple of years when it was so “well blown” (within the family!) that I judiciously scraped off the top layer of icing before dishing it up. But some very happy memories.

Personally I think it's utterly ridiculous, and did no such thing myself. Ditto, blowing out somebody else's candles. I strongly discouraged others who thought these were perfectly reasonable things to do, from seeking to do them in my family, with my children, with success.

My siblings and I got a surprise bag on each other's birthdays so it's been going on 40 years or so for some people

Everything is frowned upon on mumsnet so don't let it worry you.

I find it really interesting that people think a token gift for a sibling will somehow make the birthday child less special

mil has always does this - she also gives DH and I a gift - just a token like sweets or a book or socks or something. Our kids are always interested to see what everyone else has received (and try to steal the sweets!) but it’s never detracted from the day - the birthday child obviously has more presents and gets to pick dinner etc etc

I have a friend who is obsessed with being the sole focus of attention on her birthday and I find it odd tbh!

It seems to be one of these things introduced by newer generations (along with the concept of no winners or losers). I've never done it as it's the birthday person's day, and the focus is on them and their choices eg for tea etc.

My Granny did this, something small like hair clips or socks. My Mum and I both did it when my children were little. Probably spent £5-£10. They’re older now and I don’t do it anymore. They understand it is their siblings birthday and that’s why they don’t have any presents of their own. They used to get excited to see each other open their gifts. It made the day go easier and gradually phased it out as they got older.

I have always found this strange. This happened when I was with my ex husband with him and his siblings they got presents on each others birthdays. This still happened now and they are in their 40’s!

I’ve always done this. I always framed it as a “thank you for helping me to organise your sisters birthday” little gift. It means they are always really keen to help choose presents, organise parties etc and it also means that birthdays are a big family occasion.

it always surprises me how strongly people feel about this - to the extent they would literally stop a relative doing this. Mine are 12 and 9 now. There’s no entitlement, no resentment. They have always loved their birthdays and are enthusiastic about watching each other open their gifts.

Who said it was wrong ?

I dont understand people giving siblings gifts on the kids birthday. It's utterly bizarre in my view. We need to teach our kids some resilience and this isn't going to be helping. With my children i got them involved very early in choosing their own gifts for the sibling whose birthday it is (so a gift from them) and they all now do it automatically, with their own pocket money (with my help if needed). It has become natural and they enjoy choosing a gift and giving it to their sibling (and others). So it would be a hard no for me, MIL needs to respect dad's view on this.

As a kid, I always got one present on my brother or parents birthdays. My kids also get one very small present, wrapped kn different paper, set aside elsewhere to the birthday presents.

But, if your husband is saying no, then he's the parent and his mum should listen.

We did when we were little. Just a little thing. Much appreciated.

Same here

this really isn’t that deep and causing such a drama is strange. The birthday child isn’t going to have their birthday ruined because Granny gave their siblings a little something and the siblings aren’t going to become raging egoists because they got a little gift on someone else birthday

I'm on your DH's side, I wouldn't like it and the fact that she's ignored his wishes isn't good either.

We didn’t routinely do this but my mum likely did this for this kids. Am I the only person whose kids never squabbled over stuff like this? When birthdays came around they happily shared the toys and if they other child got a little pressie as well it would have washed over the birthday child? I don’t remember any drama when my kids were small at all. No bratish behaviour at all that seems to have been discussed.

Doesn’t mean it’s wrong for those who do

It is a sweet gesture. Honestly, what harm is there in a grandma spoiling her grandchildren a bit? It’s lovely .
It won’t turn your kids into entitled jerks.

My younger brother got a gift from my mother on my birthday when he was quite small and I remember being outraged because it was meant to be the one day when i was the centre of attention. I wouldn’t do this or allow it.

Grandma here and no. I don’t do it .

No I have never done this or understood why people get into it. Do you then keep doing this forever?! A friend does this with her children and I always think it's bizarre when you see photos of the birthday child opening their presents and then a photo of the siblings with their gift too (one is secondary age and the other end of primary, so not little and unable to understand. The non birthday child gift is never that small either!).
Surely if your child whines that they aren't getting something you remind them they will have a birthday too and that is when they get to open presents.
I think the only thing we did was let the non birthday child help open the cards so they felt included that way.

Nope I wouldn't like this i have 4. Any whinging a simple its not your birthday you can have xyz when its your birthday is enough.

I still get my teens gifts on each others birthdays. I think it’s a lovely thing for your in-laws to do. It doesn’t spoil the joy for the birthday child and doesn’t create expectations. My two are and always have been lovely.