DD getting into trouble for being late to lessons at college because she’s helping her brother

It is very nice of your DD but you shouldn't allow her to do this as it is making her late to her lessons and that is unfair. Can your DS leave his previous lesson/break a few minutes early in order to avoid the crush? That is the system most schools use if the child doesn't have a 1:1. Alternatively he can wait a few minutes until the crowds have calmed down. It will mean he might be a bit late for some of his lessons but he won't get in trouble for it if he is on crutches.

Being late to every lesson will be disruptive to your DD, and she's also missing out on walking with and getting to know new classmates. It's not unreasonable that the college aren't okay with that.

However, the college do need to offer a suitable solution for DS, that doesn't involve DD: letting him out of class early, being accompanied by someone in the same class or a member of staff, or restricting lift access.

At our school, anyone needing more time due to injuries have full permission to leave the existing lesson 5 mins early to get to the next one and avoid the jostling. This would enable your son to look after himself and your daughter would not be late?

By insisting she prioritise getting to class her teachers are protecting her interests. This is really important for young carers like your daughter.

I think your son needs to be leaving his previous class 5 mins early to do the lifts before the rush. This is a completely standard adjustment that plenty of ASD students have and much less disruptive to the lesson than someone walking in 5 mins late. But the bigger point is this should not be your daughter's problem, and frankly it is your job to work out a different solution with college that does not put any demand at all on your daughter. Then you need to reassure her that his needs are being met and he does not need her.

I have one child with SEN and one without and I don't like them being in the same setting at all. But actively expecting her to care for him between lessons is next level. You need to put a stop to it and find a different way to make sure his needs are met.

Yes you need to stop leaving this as your daughter’s job and handle it the way you would handle it if your daughter was at a different school and your son had to fend for himself. Who would you contact in that case? How would you get him sorted and safe? Do that and take your DD out of the equation.

Your DS needs to learn to speak up, but sounds like he could get it from you as you’re not speaking up either. The first time DD came home and said she got told off by a teacher for being late, I would have been contacting the school to explain what is happening, so at least they could tell her teachers why she’s late. They probably just think she’s being late for other reasons. You need to get more involved!!!!

You need to pushback hard to the college.

Use the word safeguarding. Your DS is at risk of a serious injury because of their policy.

No one can use the lift at either of my kids school's unless they have a pass.

Has she got an agreement with the college that she can do this?

She can’t unilaterally decide the rules don’t apply to her because she has something else she perceives as more important to do. She needs to speak to the relevant leadership at the college and explain the situation. Either they will need to come up with a solution, or get them to agree she can be late for lessons without punishment.

I don’t think your DD is doing anything wrong here, but it would have made sense for you to raise this with the school first, surely? Making it an agreed arrangement (or forcing the school to put something else in place) would have avoided the trouble in the first place.

I’m disabled and taught from a wheelchair for many years.

lesson changeover times are like Piccadilly Circus. Your DS’s teachers need to let him leave early.

consider renting a wheelchair for him as crutches are a bastard to get around on and can easily be over looked whereas wheelchair less so.

agree you need to contact your college. Your dd shouldn’t need to do this.

Why doesn’t one of your DSs mates help him as they would be going to the same lessons anyway? It seems a lot of unnecessary drama

This kind of thing annoys the hell out of me. The college knows there’s a problem but won’t do anything to fix it so takes it out on your DD instead.

Good for her for helping her brother.

I'm a teacher and I just can't imagine this!

I think this is the point where you need to advocate for your daughter such as your son. Have a meeting with the SENDCo and remind them of their responsibilities around reasonable adjistments.

There are other things it might be possible to consider such as your son being allowed to leave class 5 mins early to enable him to transition at quieter times when the lift is free. Your daughter could be allowed to leave earlier as his 'buddy'.

This is a really common strategy because the last 5 mins of any lesson are less important than the first.

To add, at secondary school, my daughter was the buddy for a girl who required similar. She left lessons 5 mins early to meet her buddy. Had absolutely no impact on my daughter's education. It was a strategy that the school organised and implemented.

Rather than her being late, can’t he wait till the lift area has cleared to use the lift? Obviously that’ll mean he is late, but it’ll be clear to his teachers it’s because of the lift issue and they may be able to push for more action given their lessons are being interrupted.

Contact the HoY of both DD and DS year

They should be allowing DS to leave lessons a few mins early to get the lift.

Don't let your DD fall out with her teachers and get a bad reputation because she's trying to help - you must contact the school to get them to help DS. DD should not have to miss lesson time.

Couldn’t they just arrive earlier to avoid this? Otherwise I think you need to contact the college.

Yabu to expect multiple teachers to accept DD being late unless its been formally agreed.

I would have a word with College again. They need to make reasonable adjustments and they also need to make the lifts for those with mobility issues or other health issues which means they can't use stairs.

The college should be making adjustments to allow your disabled ds to get to lessons. This may mean providing a member of staff to accompany him.

Your dd should not be in that role, although I'd imagine the college would be happy for her to take it up and remove the issue for them.

It sounds like you haven't communicated with the collage, ask what adjustments they are making to allow him to access lessons.

You need to get in touch with the college and work out a solution that keeps your son safe without needing DD's help.

Did you approach the school to say she would be helping him to get her lateness authorised

Get in touch with the college again. If they can't ensure your DS can access the lift safely, can your DD get a pass to say she is helping her brother? It's not ideal that she is being late for classes and disruptive for teachers, whatever the reason. (Talking back won't help either.)

You need to push the school for a solution that doesn’t involve your daughter having to do everything and so her ending up late to lessons. While it’s lovely she wants to help her brother, 10 minutes of a lesson (and is this every lesson?!) is not insignificant and will disadvantage her learning, will disrupt the class and so everyone’s learning. If she is 16 then that’s going to have a huge effect on exams. While your son clearly needs help it shouldn’t be at the cost of your daughter’s learning.

Well , that's not working is it ? No one should pushing and shoving to the point someone gets hurt. Go back to the college , get your mad up !

The college need to sort out the lift situation, I'd contact the college and start there stating about accessibility and disability (at the moment he is disabled).