DD getting into trouble for being late to lessons at college because she’s helping her brother

Your DS needs a 'lift buddy'. Someone from his class to use the lift with him.

Why would he get pushed if he's waited for the rush to go?

Will the college give him a pass to leave lessons early,? My DD used to be able to leave 5 mins early for something similar.

You, DS and college need to come up with solutions. What if DD wasn't there?

If there is so much pushing next to the lifts that your DS at 16 got knocked over that does not sound safe and I would raise it with the college that they need to improve corridor behaviour.

I would also ask for students with injuries and disabilities to have a priority lift pass. Otherwise students with disabilities will be constantly late to class which is not fair.

This shouldn’t be your daughter’s responsibility. Yes it’s lovely that she is caring for her sibling, but she is a child herself and needs to prioritise her own education. It’s not just about being a bit late to class and teachers being annoyed - she is missing the start of the lesson often when vital information is given out, she will be starting every lesson behind and this will accumulate.

This is not your daughter’ job, and whilst it’s nice the help family it is a dangerous lesson to teach young girls they should care for boys/men. Push the school to provide support for your son and let your daughter concentrate in her education.

Can’t they just go earlier? If she’s late due to helping him, isn’t he also late?

A lot of people here don't seem to grasp how ASD can impact communication- I'm imagining just saying "speak up" to your son is not going to help!
The school need to sort this out, leaving early seems best and is a very common adjustment for autistic pupils. If your dd worries and wants to help you could also ask for her to be allowed out early to act as a buddy, but I'd be wary of creating a responsibility for her. My dd is younger and is now at the same school as my autistic son, and I hate the pressure she puts on herself to support him. She currently sits at lunch with him, it's lovely, and it's great when siblings are so kind, but they're kids and it isn't their job. It's ours as parents and the schools/colleges who need to implement reasonable adjustments and sensible safeguarding measures.

Speak to staff about priority passes for the lift. In my kids' school, there were kids with no disabilities using the accessible toilets, and they got staff to stop that happening.
Maybe the lift could have a key pass which is only given to those who need it.

Might you be able to teach him to speak up for himself?

It would bode well for him in life more generally also.

Becoming reliant on someone else speaking up for himself is a bad trap to fall into. You need to snap him out of it.

You are absolutely allowed to make an appointment to talk to tutors about this. Send an email to the principal and ask for help finding a solution. It’s likely that her tutors just don’t know it’s a real scenario, rather than an excuse.

Speak to the SENCO to get a better plan in place for DS. DD helping him is admirable but she's missing the start of her lessons, which means she could be missing valuable information and being late to lessons is disruptive for everyone else.

in my daugther's school they would do a rota ie a classmate going to the same class would help the person with a broken limb etc or whatever.

Yes this! It is totally normal for schools to restrict lift access to staff, and students with passes.

Complaint to the Head of safeguarding. Students could get hurt.

What would he do if his sister wasn't at the same college?
That's not to say your DD should get in trouble, more that it shouldn't be on her in the first place!
I have no experience of college other than attending myself a million years ago, so no actual advice, just wanted I think you are right to be unhappy about this and make it known (and I'm normally very much trying not to be "that parent"!)

What an unsupportive college, they're teaching the pupils by implication that you shouldn't care about or help others! My DD (when about 15) helped a girl she didn't know to get to class on crutches, and missed a little of her lesson - the school reacted by sending me a letter saying how proud I should be of her for being so kind!

They need to step up and provide the support he needs, and provide a much better example for the young people in their care.

He wouldn't be getting pushed if he's waiting for the area to be clear though?

Polite notices at lifts quote frankly is a cop-out by the college. They need to be taking responsibility and ending what amounts to a form of discrimination.

Two separate issues here.

Your son isn't getting the support he needs from the college. Chase this up.

You daughter can not constantly be late. It's disruptive to everyone else.

Sort the first to solve the second.

You need to be dealing with this directly with the college … it’s not your DDs responsibility!! What would happen if she didn’t attend the college?!?

They also told ds to speak up but he won’t

That's up to him, though. It's not for your daughter to fix and it's not a reason for her to be late for lessons. The college have given your son options, and he's opted not to take them, so of course they're not going to accommodate your daughter being constantly late to help him. He needs to help himself.

I think now is time for a polite but strongly worded email to the headteacher, cc ing governors etc and any pastoral head, saying that due to the woefully poor action taken for a student who needs the lift (how could anyone imagine a notice would have any impact in such an environment?), your daughter is having to help her brother to lessons. However, by her doing their job (and yes it is - if they can’t control other students’ selfishness, then a designated TA is needed) she is in trouble for being late.
Ask them to supply you with their plan of action so your daughter’s education is no longer compromised.

Its always the women expected to put their ambitions on hold to pander to the men. Your daughter is at college to learn, not push her brother around.

I agree with others, the school have to sort this out.

Your daughter being late for lessons isn't the answer. While this is kind of your daughter, he can't go through life expecting her to yell at people to get out of the way. If he can't then he needs to have a plan. If he can't speak up then tell the school he will go to lessons after the halls are clear.

My son had an injury that put him in a boot and on crutches for weeks. They created a plan for him, his friends helped him and he was given allowances (if the distances between lessons were separate end of the school).

This is a lot of drama about something very fixable.

Sadly this cannot go on. When DS is a man out in the big wide world he will have to advocate for himself without her there at his elbow. Time to practice now!

I think the school need to make a better plan for your DS

I know it is kind of your dd to help him but she shouldn’t be making herself late to do so, that’s just putting her own education as secondary to his wellbeing, and not a good precedent to set.

Put it back on the school. She is doing their job of keeping him safe and in lessons. Outline the situation to the SENCO/head teacher/pastoral lead etc - they might not know what’s going on if most teachers aren’t saying anything.