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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

112 replies

PeopleStressMeOut · 10/09/2026 07:18

AIBU to think this is a bit crap, and how would you respond to this message?

I just got a message from a close family member about my DC's upcoming birthday.

They asked for their address (Uni) but then in the next sentence said, "or should I just not bother and scrap birthday cards now?"

On one hand I think yes cards are getting a bit pointless, but on the other I have never once missed one of their DC's birthdays.

If it wasn't my DC's 18th birthday I think I would have said OK don't bother.

AIBU, WWYD about a response?

OP posts:
beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 07:25

I don’t know anyone who sends cards anymore. YABU.

Smartiepants79 · 10/09/2026 07:24

If it bothers you and you want them to continue the just message back with the address and say you’re sure DC would love to still receive birthday cards. Are your DC bothered??
This isn’t something I’d be getting upset or stroppy about.

UniquePinkSwan · 10/09/2026 07:24

I’d be surprised if he’s bothered. No one I know bothers with them. I haven’t sent a card to anyone for about 15 years at least

Latenightreader · 10/09/2026 07:23

I'd say that for their 18th and first birthday away from home (that's an assumption on my part) they would really appreciate a card, but it would be fine to leave it for significant birthdays after that.

SallyCinnamon38 · 10/09/2026 07:23

I understand your feelings but at the same time I'm not sure that young people place the same value on cards as millennials and gen x. I think the fact they messaged shows they've remembered, but I don't think it is unreasonable to check whether a young person may not be interested in receiving a birthday card, lots of young people think cards are very old fashioned! Maybe they could send a text/whatsapp?

HeddaGarbled · 10/09/2026 07:23

I think it’s a reasonable question.

TeenToTwenties · 10/09/2026 07:22

I think they are asking whether their cards (and presents?) are still appreciated.

So just answer DS really appreciates cards still
And then add if appropriate- but maybe we should make 18 the cut off age for presents so make this year your last for them?

UpDownAllAround1 · 10/09/2026 07:22

it’s a flippant comment. Nowt to be hurt about

Gateappreciation · 10/09/2026 07:21

Does she realise it’s her 18 or assume that as she’s at uni, she’s now 19? A lot of people use 18 as their final birthday, and will stop sending cards and presents after that. I don’t the message is so bad as such, apart from that it’s her 18th. (in Scotland?)

LarryForPrimeMinister · 10/09/2026 07:20

Just say well it is his 18th, but its up to you.

LiteraryBambi · 10/09/2026 07:20

I don't think teenagers are bothered by cards. Just say it's up to them, there's no expectation either way. That's the only polite response.

notthatoldchestnut · 10/09/2026 07:19

I think this is a bit of something and nothing.
if it’s an 18th, then maybe this is a bit of a more special birthday.

why not reply back and say that cards/presents until 18 and then for special birthdays only?