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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

112 replies

PeopleStressMeOut · 10/09/2026 07:18

AIBU to think this is a bit crap, and how would you respond to this message?

I just got a message from a close family member about my DC's upcoming birthday.

They asked for their address (Uni) but then in the next sentence said, "or should I just not bother and scrap birthday cards now?"

On one hand I think yes cards are getting a bit pointless, but on the other I have never once missed one of their DC's birthdays.

If it wasn't my DC's 18th birthday I think I would have said OK don't bother.

AIBU, WWYD about a response?

OP posts:
saraclara · 10/09/2026 08:10

I think you've misread their tone.

A lot of young people simply don't bother with cards, and it seems that the relative has recognised that. So they're just asking whether or not to continue the gesture.

Simply say 'oh DC still likes getting a card, so I'm sure he'll appreciate yours'

Dandeloosha · 10/09/2026 08:07

SueFlay12 · 10/09/2026 08:04

I'd say "text happy birthday and send cash" 😀

Text happy birthday. If they want to send money give their bank details. Even my 83 year old mother sends money via bank transfer these day.

Lifestooshort71 · 10/09/2026 08:06

Is this the first child in the close family to reach 18? I can't understand why you're hurt, sounds a sensible request to me. I'd text back and say yes to an 18th but happy to stop after that. It draws a line for all children.

Dandeloosha · 10/09/2026 08:06

Most people send a text or a message these days. I can’t remember the last time I bought and posted a card. They seem a bit lame - costly and not very environmentally friendly.

SueFlay12 · 10/09/2026 08:04

I'd say "text happy birthday and send cash" 😀

RoachFish · 10/09/2026 07:59

It's not crap at all, it's sensible. Surely, a text is fine when it's for a young adult. My kids are a few years older than yours and none of them send cards. Neither do I who is approaching 50.

HelpMeGetThrough · 10/09/2026 07:59

BEAchDays2 · 10/09/2026 07:52

How is a 17 year old at uni?

If their birthday is later in the academic year it’s possible. A couple of friends of my youngest started just before they were 18.

BEAchDays2 · 10/09/2026 07:52

How is a 17 year old at uni?

SomethingNewish · 10/09/2026 07:51

The person took the trouble to actually get in touch about the address. So it's not as if they were forgetting about the birthday or just ignoring it. Given how a lot of people, especially younger ones, don't bother with physical cards these days I think it was a perfectly valid question and you are being a bit precious by taking offence at it OP.

Raptors · 10/09/2026 07:50

I don't think it's an odd question at all. Most young adults no longer send physical cards and to be honest I I doubt your child will miss not having one sent by their relative.

Just tell them that a message to wish them a happy birthday would suffice.

Thebinisrightthere · 10/09/2026 07:50

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 07:25

I don’t know anyone who sends cards anymore. YABU.

You probably know plenty

Totaldramallama · 10/09/2026 07:49

They have asked an entirely reasonable question. It isn't about whether you appreciate a card, it's not for you and you likely won't even see the card if they are at uni

Attenboroughsmistress · 10/09/2026 07:47

I’m sure they were just checking in case your DC is unappreciative? Your friend wanting reassurance that the effort is appreciated and not annoying. Rather than something for you to be offended about. Just say “DC loves your cards!”

OutOfTheOtherSide · 10/09/2026 07:44

SwanUpmanship · 10/09/2026 07:29

Does your DC send a birthday card to your relative - in their own name, I don't mean being included in one you send?

In your relative's position, unless the DC was sending me cards independently, I would probably make 18 the last.

This. As soon as I went to uni, I started sending cards to my relatives myself but young people these days don't seem to do the same. I don't even get a text from some of my neices/nephews despite me continuing to send cards and money for their birthdays. They don't send any cards to family or friends. I think cards will disappear in the not too distant future. Cost, laziness and to some extent, the environment will kill the tradition.

Londonrach1 · 10/09/2026 07:43

That's a reasonable question unless it's for 18 or 21. Yabu. It's a friend asking a normal question.

WitchayWoman · 10/09/2026 07:41

YABU. You're reading far too much into a simple text. Her question was a valid one and she's given you the opportunity to set her straight.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 10/09/2026 07:37

You are over reacting. Cards are pretty much considered a waste of money and resources by most Gen Z.

RhiWrites · 10/09/2026 07:37

Did you miss their birthday? Did they get a card from you? (I doubt they did from your son.) it sounds kind of pointed. Did your son thank this person for previous gifts?

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 07:35

caringcarer · 10/09/2026 07:28

My adult DC love opening cards. I got 16 cards for my recent birthday and loved opening them and I put them up on inglenook mantle in sitting room.

Show quote history

Fair enough if that’s your experience but it’s certainly not mine. Any cards I get sent get glanced at and chucked in the bin.

HelpMeGetThrough · 10/09/2026 07:33

At 18 it wouldn’t have bothered me if I got a card or not. We still give them to family, as they expect them, but it’s a pain in the arse.

Mine mostly end up in a pile or put up for a day and then straight in the recycling. Can’t stand the clutter of cards.

agri · 10/09/2026 07:29

No, I wouldn’t feel hurt about the message. I think she’s probably onto something - most teenagers wouldn’t care if they received a birthday card.

SwanUpmanship · 10/09/2026 07:29

Does your DC send a birthday card to your relative - in their own name, I don't mean being included in one you send?

In your relative's position, unless the DC was sending me cards independently, I would probably make 18 the last.

caringcarer · 10/09/2026 07:28

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 07:25

I don’t know anyone who sends cards anymore. YABU.

My adult DC love opening cards. I got 16 cards for my recent birthday and loved opening them and I put them up on inglenook mantle in sitting room.

caringcarer · 10/09/2026 07:27

I'd reply that it is DC 18th birthday so a big one and that they really appreciate birthday cards. I'd send the person their uni address.

Moonnstarz · 10/09/2026 07:26

Would DC be bothered?
If so maybe say a card would be appreciated this year as it is a big birthday and their first away from home so they would appreciate the thought.

Also just because I am just nosy, how they are at uni at 17?!