AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

I wouldn't read anything offensive into that, I'd assume they like sending the cards but are looking for insight into whether your DC still wants them.

I know I was gently encouraged to stop wasting money on cards and gifts and now I just transfer money on revolut.

Surely she meant she'll text him instead? As all his friends will do. Your reaction is a bit dramatic.

I would tell her if she wants to stop doing cards that's fine with you.

And then stop sending her kids cards too.

I think it is a valid question. My two kids don't like or send birthday cards and apparently a lot of young people don't. They either send e-cards from places like Moonpig or just send a Whatsapp message/gif.

Good point. If you’re in Scotland @PeopleStressMeOut, and your relative isn’t, they might’ve forgotten that uni can start at 17 here.

@PeopleStressMeOut Yes, you are being very unreasonable (and weirdly pathetic) to feel "hurt" by this. Why on earth would you be "hurt"? Your child isn't your baby any more. Your relative asked a reasonable question. If you feel strongly that cards and presents should be tit for tat then why not suggest that 18 should be the cut off for all children in the family. That's what we did and I know that it's what a lot of other families did too.
You seem to be seeing it very subjectively while your relative is being sensibly pragmatic.

Could be something or nothing as another said. Is your DC the first to go away from home in the family? So it might be genuine but poorly put way of saying things have changed? In that case you could say shall we do this up to and including 18? Do they get any acknowledgement from the DC when they send gifts/ cards?

It used to be that a lot of families had a cut off point for birthday cards/gifts and Easter eggs. Usually it was 16, reason being families were a lot bigger and you could commonly have well over 10 nieces and nephews or grandchildren. I grew up hearing about this cut off and didn't think much of it as it was normal. Then I remember a relative was offended when another asked if they should stop now when one of the teenagers in the family was 16. They had a small family and had no experience of this cut off. I expect that is what is going on.

I thinl the idea was to ask if he still likes to recover cards.

I wouldn't advise anyone to send actual cash through the post. When my daughter was a student, in the early 2000s, she lost money three birthdays running from cards sent by my mother. And those were the days when the post was still working properly. Interestingly she received 2 of the cards, just not the money.

Lots of 17 year olds go to university.

i think this is a personal thing.
What do you think your 18 yr old would think/prefer?
One of mine would definitely still appreciate a card ,particularly on a milestone birthday,the other would prefer a text or online birthday wish.
I wouldnt be offended by the question as to what to do though. Infact i think it shows thoughfulness to check with you.

I always send cards to close family members. I'd send a special one for an 18th.

I was 17, they don’t make you wait till you’re 18 if you’re birthday means you’re one of the younger ones.

How come your son is already at Uni? At 18?

Are you a very sensitive person? I can’t imagine getting upset about this, the important thing is the birthday is acknowledged and remembered, so a text or call will suffice,

There’s actually no legal minimum age. Some courses like medicine may require you to be 18 before you do placements etc. though.

I sent this exact message to my brother! He replied 'up to you'

standard response 😂

And I’ve learnt something as I assumed you had to be over 18 to go to uni.

YABU

Its a completely valid question.

What was your answer?

I think it’s a reasonable question. All the young people I know (and even me who is not that young) don’t care about cards. They go straight in the recycling after a day. For my teen nieces and nephews I just transfer money into their bank account and text them a birthday greeting.

@PeopleStressMeOut Perfectly normal question as most people (young) just bin the cards and it's landwaste. An sms is enough to show that they have thought of them.

The implication being they just don’t send me one?

No, we don’t do cards as we consider them to be a massive waste of money and resources. I’d rather just have a five minute phone call or even a text.

You can got to uni at 17 in Scotland, it's quite normal.

DD loved her cards for the 18th birthday as it felt special but otherwise nobody does them in our family anymore. We send a Whatsapp message with a photo or call.
Cards are a waste of money and paper in my opinion.

The only one I sent is to my mum, she is 88 and it's a different circumstance.