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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

112 replies

PeopleStressMeOut · 10/09/2026 07:18

AIBU to think this is a bit crap, and how would you respond to this message?

I just got a message from a close family member about my DC's upcoming birthday.

They asked for their address (Uni) but then in the next sentence said, "or should I just not bother and scrap birthday cards now?"

On one hand I think yes cards are getting a bit pointless, but on the other I have never once missed one of their DC's birthdays.

If it wasn't my DC's 18th birthday I think I would have said OK don't bother.

AIBU, WWYD about a response?

OP posts:
beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 10:40

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 10/09/2026 10:27

TBH I don’t think it’s so much a money/planet issue, as the fact that they CBA.

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And fair enough. Cards are a massive faff and expense for what is essentially a bit of paper that ends up in the bin two days after being opened.

Makebelieveanotherlife · 10/09/2026 10:33

I’m not sure what 18yo today cares about a card. Honestly op, I think you are more upset than your child. I’ve recently had to post a card for something specific and it was such a bloody pain. Firstly I’m not very close to a post office so it was out of my way, I’ve also very rarely ever need to visit one so again it was a special planned trip. It’s looked at once and most likely chucked away. A text or even digital card is better all round

TheSunBeatsDown · 10/09/2026 10:29

Would the teen like the card? Mine like personal cards, messages in the cards and money or a small gift in the card, so if they are going to do that, away at uni, it's a lovely home touch, but if it's any old card with just a name in it, perhaps not.

My mum still sends my kids letters and cards and they are in their twenties, I love getting birthday cards from my mum but I don't need everyone else to send one. We use them to send very personal messages (e.g. appreciation, thanks, admiration, pride), if it's not that then it might be a bit redundant these days.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 10/09/2026 10:27

Madamecholetsbonnet · 10/09/2026 07:37

You are over reacting. Cards are pretty much considered a waste of money and resources by most Gen Z.

TBH I don’t think it’s so much a money/planet issue, as the fact that they CBA.

AutumnRussett · 10/09/2026 10:25

Floatlikeafeather2 · 10/09/2026 08:51

I wouldn't advise anyone to send actual cash through the post. When my daughter was a student, in the early 2000s, she lost money three birthdays running from cards sent by my mother. And those were the days when the post was still working properly. Interestingly she received 2 of the cards, just not the money.

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Probably steamed open the card before it got franked took the cash and popped it back into a post box .

AutumnRussett · 10/09/2026 10:20

I think cards will die out completely in the next ten years .

YourWildAmberSloth · 10/09/2026 10:19

YABU, its a fair question.

mondaytosunday · 10/09/2026 10:12

Hurt? No. My in laws told me they don’t do anything after a child turns 18 (could have pointed out they hardly did anything before either). So what? Their choice.
I don’t send cards to anyone outside the immediate family. I do think 18 is probably one that if one does tend to send cards would be one to acknowledge, but not after that.

redskyAtNigh · 10/09/2026 10:06

I don't see why you would be hurt by that. A lot of 18 year olds don't care about impersonal cards (i.e. ones that just say "Happy Birthday from x and y") and are happy with being messaged with birthday greetings instead.
It's also perfectly possible that they are aware that the cards you send each year are not really appreciated, and perhaps they are hinting that you stop bothering without sounding ungrateful?

In terms of a response, surely you ask your DC whether they still appreciate cards? Apart from anything else, why would you give their address to someone without their permission?

ToniAndCalm · 10/09/2026 10:05

The academic year is different in Scotland so it’s normal to go to uni at 17 depending on when your birthday falls

OriginalUsername2 · 10/09/2026 10:05

We just send text messages these days but it is his 18th so it might be nice.

bettyrubble99 · 10/09/2026 10:04

I hate cards. Useless things. I haven't sent cards in years. I will always send a message though.

TeenToTwenties · 10/09/2026 10:01

ImmortalNowBabyDoll · 10/09/2026 09:56

Have they been getting a proper thank you every year? It sounds like maybe they're hinting that they don't feel appreciated.

That's the other thing I was wondering about if presents are involved.

Mum2Fergus · 10/09/2026 10:00

I actually can’t recall the last time I bought anyone a card for anything 😬

Yytrtt · 10/09/2026 09:58

Notsosweetcaroline · 10/09/2026 08:44

I was 17, they don’t make you wait till you’re 18 if you’re birthday means you’re one of the younger ones.

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Do you feel that’s too young?

I often think even 18 is too young.

ImmortalNowBabyDoll · 10/09/2026 09:56

Have they been getting a proper thank you every year? It sounds like maybe they're hinting that they don't feel appreciated.

MoneyBackonholidaypurchase · 10/09/2026 09:54

People in Scotland can start uni at 17

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 10/09/2026 09:46

My young adult dd wouldn’t be bothered. I’d probably message and maybe still send this time as they are 18 and just gone away to uni but stop after that.

WecanbeheroeslikeBowie · 10/09/2026 09:46

Each to their own.
My kids and I dropped cards and presents for birthdays, mothers day etc years ago. Didn't see the point. It was discussed and we all agreed,

TeenToTwenties · 10/09/2026 09:41

I often feel that not doing cards 'for environmental reasons' can be a cop out for can't be bothered.
There must be so many things that are worse such as fast fashion, takeaway coffee cups, storing huge amounts of data on the cloud etc.
Yet it is the thing that gives others joy that is dropped.

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 10/09/2026 09:40

BEAchDays2 · 10/09/2026 07:52

How is a 17 year old at uni?

Some Scottish kids start at 17 due to how academic year falls. Scottish unis have rules about freshers to accommodate eg must be in student union before 9pm.

AnneShirleyBlythe · 10/09/2026 09:38

Moonnstarz · 10/09/2026 07:26

Would DC be bothered?
If so maybe say a card would be appreciated this year as it is a big birthday and their first away from home so they would appreciate the thought.

Also just because I am just nosy, how they are at uni at 17?!

My DS1 went to uni at 17. School cut off dates are different in Scotland to England (not sure about rofUK) so it’s normal for those with Autumn/Winter birthdays to turn 18 in first year at uni ( up to end of Feb). Annoying for kids who want to make the most of the union bars!

comeoncolleen · 10/09/2026 09:37

Dandeloosha · 10/09/2026 08:06

Most people send a text or a message these days. I can’t remember the last time I bought and posted a card. They seem a bit lame - costly and not very environmentally friendly.

True but cards are less bad than other birthday palaver such as wrapping paper, balloons, decorations , and unwanted gifts which end up in landfill.

Octavia64 · 10/09/2026 09:32

My dc (as most of her friends) actively chooses not to do cards for environmental reasons.

she does them for elderly relatives who get very upset if they don’t get cards.

normal to stop at 18 as well

Netcurtainnelly · 10/09/2026 09:31

Tell her to ask your son.