Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m not being unreasonable but need a poll and help with choosing a present.

121 replies

Sookisssss · 09/09/2026 23:30

It’s DP’s 40th next month. We don’t normally spend a lot on each other, but obviously I’m spending more this year due to it being a big one.

I did want to get him something signed by his favourite author but I couldn’t find anything reasonably priced.

I had decided to get him a newspaper from the day he was born, a programme for his football team for a match played the weekend he was born, and a first edition of It which was released in 1986. He likes Stephen King but hasn’t read It. He loved Pet Semetary. Phantom of the Opera also debuted on his actual birthday so I was going to get a programme for that although I don’t think he’s ever been to the theatre.

However, a book signed by his favourite author has just gone on sale. The book is in Italian so he could never read it. I can’t buy both this and It.

Which would you prefer? Any other suggestions welcome too.

YABU - It
YANBU - Signed Italian book

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 11:19

Stompythedinosaur · 11/09/2026 10:59

Then if you're certain the book is what's going to be a big hit, maybe swap out the other gifts to give a bit more variety?

I think I'd have to be very certain a gift was going to be loved to spend that amount of until though.

Show quote history

I’m certain he’d love both of them, I just don’t know which more.

Any ideas about what I could swap them for? The football programme is arriving today and was only £3 so he’s definitely getting that.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 11/09/2026 10:59

Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 10:44

The paper and football programme are just cheap little things. The main present is the book.

Show quote history

Then if you're certain the book is what's going to be a big hit, maybe swap out the other gifts to give a bit more variety?

I think I'd have to be very certain a gift was going to be loved to spend that amount of until though.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 10:44

Stompythedinosaur · 11/09/2026 10:25

To me, £200 seems a lot for what's essentially a decoration because he can't read it. But you presumably know him best.

I think I'd be cautious to get so many "collectables" as gifts at one time. I'd be worried it could fall a bit flat.

The paper and football programme are just cheap little things. The main present is the book.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 11/09/2026 10:25

To me, £200 seems a lot for what's essentially a decoration because he can't read it. But you presumably know him best.

I think I'd be cautious to get so many "collectables" as gifts at one time. I'd be worried it could fall a bit flat.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 10:18

Swiftie1878 · 11/09/2026 10:16

The Italian version is utterly meaningless. It’s not the author’s work - it’s the translator’s.
You may as well just buy the author’s autograph on a soiled napkin.

Show quote history

I would happily buy a signed napkin. It is the signature that is the important thing. If I could get a signed photo or card or napkin, that would be much better because it can be displayed more easily.

The pleasure for him will be that the author held the book and signed it.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 11/09/2026 10:16

Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 10:13

Well, no, I’m not 😂.

Show quote history

The Italian version is utterly meaningless. It’s not the author’s work - it’s the translator’s.
You may as well just buy the author’s autograph on a soiled napkin.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 10:13

Swiftie1878 · 11/09/2026 07:45

Yeah, you are massively missing the point.

Show quote history

Well, no, I’m not 😂.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 10:12

Soontobe60 · 11/09/2026 08:05

One of my DC is 40 and this year has been an endless round of weekends away with all their friends who are also of the same age. That’s what they’ve all chosen as presents - great times spent with friends making memories. It sounds like you’re proposing to get him gifts that are based on memories of the past - which is fine, but can’t you think of something that looks to memories in the future?

He can knock himself out with weekends away with his friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 10:11

AdjectiveColourNoun · 11/09/2026 00:44

The originally French but translated to Italian book for a man who only reads English is just a bit wrong. I could get behind a French or English version and would think it would potentially be a great present. I think you are making the mistake of thinking this Italian version will be almost as good and so a decent affordable option for you. But it doesn’t work at all, just a bit meh…err what is this?, and so it’s a false economy. If you can’t afford the English or French version choose something else.

Long way of saying, I vote IT!

He wouldn’t read the English or French version either. He’s already read it and he already owns it. It is about the signature.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 11/09/2026 08:33

Is Phantom of the Opera playing anywhere?
Take him to a real performance.

Soontobe60 · 11/09/2026 08:05

One of my DC is 40 and this year has been an endless round of weekends away with all their friends who are also of the same age. That’s what they’ve all chosen as presents - great times spent with friends making memories. It sounds like you’re proposing to get him gifts that are based on memories of the past - which is fine, but can’t you think of something that looks to memories in the future?

Swiftie1878 · 11/09/2026 07:45

Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 14:49

No I know, I just meant that it wouldn’t be worth paying the extra for French rather than Italian for him.

Show quote history

Yeah, you are massively missing the point.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 00:45

HelpfulHelena · 11/09/2026 00:34

Go for the signed copy of It. I think that’s cool. He can read it, and imagine Stephen King signing his book as he reads it.

Don’t go for the signed Papillon. Instead - and I mean this - hunt for it in English for the next ten years. You’ll need something when he’s 50 too!

I’ve seen plenty of copies of £500+ Papillon. My budget is £200. I love him and he loves Papillon, but I’m not spending that.

OP posts:
AdjectiveColourNoun · 11/09/2026 00:44

The originally French but translated to Italian book for a man who only reads English is just a bit wrong. I could get behind a French or English version and would think it would potentially be a great present. I think you are making the mistake of thinking this Italian version will be almost as good and so a decent affordable option for you. But it doesn’t work at all, just a bit meh…err what is this?, and so it’s a false economy. If you can’t afford the English or French version choose something else.

Long way of saying, I vote IT!

Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 00:42

Onceadreamer · 11/09/2026 00:33

This makes me think the signed book isn’t a great idea as a meaningful gift.

Show quote history

What would you suggest?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 00:39

Onceadreamer · 11/09/2026 00:33

This makes me think the signed book isn’t a great idea as a meaningful gift.

Show quote history

I sway from thinking he’d absolutely love to have a book that Henri Charierre held to that he’d love a SK first edition. Don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
HelpfulHelena · 11/09/2026 00:34

Go for the signed copy of It. I think that’s cool. He can read it, and imagine Stephen King signing his book as he reads it.

Don’t go for the signed Papillon. Instead - and I mean this - hunt for it in English for the next ten years. You’ll need something when he’s 50 too!

Onceadreamer · 11/09/2026 00:33

Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 00:20

Because he inherited them from his dad, and he only took up reading a few years ago.

Edited
Show quote history

This makes me think the signed book isn’t a great idea as a meaningful gift.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 00:22

CremeEggsForBreakfast · 10/09/2026 20:56

This is a truly bizarre thread! Why does anyone presume to tell the OP what her own husband will and will not like?! Sure, the presents are a little unconventional but some people are unconventional and have interests that differ from mine or yours!

FWIW, I think I would prefer a first edition of a book I'd probably read than a signed copy of one in a language I have no connection to - even if it was my favourite book.

Thank you! This is the sort of opinion I was looking for.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 11/09/2026 00:20

Onceadreamer · 10/09/2026 20:40

This is interesting. Any idea why he would collect those signed but not books? That might point you in one direction or another.

Show quote history

Because he inherited them from his dad, and he only took up reading a few years ago.

OP posts:
CremeEggsForBreakfast · 10/09/2026 20:56

This is a truly bizarre thread! Why does anyone presume to tell the OP what her own husband will and will not like?! Sure, the presents are a little unconventional but some people are unconventional and have interests that differ from mine or yours!

FWIW, I think I would prefer a first edition of a book I'd probably read than a signed copy of one in a language I have no connection to - even if it was my favourite book.

Onceadreamer · 10/09/2026 20:40

Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 20:37

He doesn’t but he does have signed footballs, Cricket bats etc.

Show quote history

This is interesting. Any idea why he would collect those signed but not books? That might point you in one direction or another.

Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 20:37

Onceadreamer · 10/09/2026 20:35

Does he collect other signed books? That would sway my vote. If yes, then the book being Italian is fine. I collect signed books and it would mean loads to me to have signed copies of my favourites. And I wouldn’t be reading them because I wouldn’t want to accidentally ruin them.

However, if he doesn’t collect signed books generally, I’m not sure it would be a great idea.

Then again, does he collect first editions? I know many, many readers who couldn’t care less about the edition or signed copies.

He doesn’t but he does have signed footballs, Cricket bats etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 20:37

Millytante · 10/09/2026 20:33

So teach him about expanding his enjoyment!
He’s entering his Roaring Forties and you describe a bloke very, very set in his ways, and now’s a great time to try a bit of excellence here and there!

(Order him 40 bottles of delicious Hook Norton Ale, delivered to him with an inscribed glass?)

Show quote history

Maybe Guinness and Jaegar.

He’s happy and I have no wish to change him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sookisssss · 10/09/2026 20:36

Alittlefrustrated · 10/09/2026 20:33

I think you are far too focused on 1986 - I can't imagine my DP being impressed with any of that.
Definitely not the POTO if he doesn't even go to the theatre.
I voted for It, but I'd rather have a box set than a 1st edition.
Does he collect or show interest in first editions?
Have you asked what he might like?

He wouldn’t tell me anything he wants. He’s struggling to think of anything to tell his mother.

A box set of books? I often buy him books, I want this to be a bit more special.

OP posts: