AIBU to feel uneasy about expensive gifts from his ex via their child?

What does he buy her from their child?

and what does he buy you from your child?

She’s just modeling what she feels is appropriate gift-giving behavior for her kid, ie she thinks a present of a certain value is appropriate to give to show appreciation to a parent, and she’s showing her kid the kind of presents his father would enjoy.

I personally don’t like my ex much but I make the effort to buy something nice for him from the kids. As they get older and I see that they “get it”, I will give them most of the money for gifts and they can add a contribution and choose themselves. Eventually they can contribute the whole cost.

If his new partner got narky about this, I’d tell her to stop interfering with my parenting.

That amount might not be a big issue for her as it is for you. She might feel that she feels sorry for her child not getting to grow up full time with his dad and let the child indulge his father a bit once a year in his birthday. You are projecting a lot on this woman and your stepson. My child is younger, has not been taught they need to ‘spend lots’, but it’s around the same value of gift they give to their father on their birthday (it obviously varies).

You sound bitter and a bit jealous. Let his son give him a gift, no matter the value. It’s his birthday/Christmas whatever - surely everyone who isn’t opening a gift sits and watches the person who is opening their gift. It sounds like you’re a bit envious that you don’t know your current husband as well as others do. Just let him have his presents from his son without making him feel guilty about it, he probably feels guilty enough he doesn’t see him all the time.

It’s not that deep for kids, they don’t compare the price of gifts. If his DS buys him a gift then let your child give a separate gift, giving a joint gift doesn’t really make sense.
You can’t control the narrative here OP

Ok, so maybe she just wants to buy something nice for the father of her child and co parent? Don’t let your insecurities get in the way of someone doing something nice for their child’s father.

I let my DC chose gifts for their dad. Sometimes its a £5 mug and sweets, sometimes its something that costs more that they have asked to get him such as a specific piece of clothing or item for a hobby which could be closer to £30. The kids chose it and wrap it, I just pay for it. To be clear I want my DC to grow up to be good at chosing gifts and to put thought into what people want so I do this 100% for their benefit. They do the same for each other and they help with chosing presents for eg grandparents and cousins.

Get over yourself, its not about you.

When encouraging a child to buy a gift for their parent, in my opinion you would give them a 'pocket money' gift, ie, something that the child would be able to purchase from their pocket money. Giving something at the sort of value that you're talking about, seems OTT to me, but everyone is different, so I guess in your situation I would be having a conversation about it with my partner, to find out what sort of money he is spending when buying a gift for his ex from his child. If he's spending the same sort of money, and you can't afford it, then I think that's another conversation, but if it's the sort of money that they used to spend when they were together, then I guess I would bite the bullet and accept it.

On the other hand, if you feel threatened by this, you need to talk to your partner and explain why you find it threatening, and maybe suggest that he tells his child that they shouldn't be spending such a lot of money on a gift for him, they should maybe only be buying something like a box of chocolates, or a pair of socks or something small like that.

As a matter of interest OP, how old is your step child who is giving these expensive gifts?

My son has a ds with a former partner. He always brings him to buy a present for his Mom, a decent present. This is purely to teach his ds to see his Mom deserves a nice present and out of respect not to give a crappy old box of chocolates. He has absolutely no interest romantically in his ds Mom and actually has a long term partner who actually comes up with suggestions for presents. It's all about the child and you should know that.

Yabu if the child is late primary they will probably want to buy their dad more than a box of chocolates. The gift is from them and the mum is supporting that.

Just because you’re an ex doesn’t mean you’re not still friends, or that you don’t car me about each other. I wouldn’t be bettered if there was a gift from the kids and another gift from her. In fact, I think it shows healthy relationships to the kids.

My mum always bought a nice gift for my father for myself and sister to give him, even though she despised him. Usually a jumper or shirt etc.. it was for our benefit not his, he was our dad afterall.

You’re just being the jealous step-mum, get a grip!

I think you’re being weird. She’s buying him a gift from their child, not from her. Of course she knows him well, they were together long enough to have a child together. If DH and I split up, I wouldn’t all of a sudden stop knowing him.