AIBU to feel uneasy about expensive gifts from his ex via their child?

Your insecurities are rational though. The way you feel makes sense given the entire picture of what is happening. There is no wonder you feel as you do.

It's none of your business! The present is from his child, the mum has paid, but the sentiment is from the child... To think of it any differently is weird!

Yet the op is desperate to be with him so neither person doesn't have the best judgement

The fact he calls you insecure yet still won’t divorce his ex is a huge red flag I think.

Happy to make you feel little and silly but won’t divorce his wife after all these years and a child.

Like a dog with two dicks enjoying the attention since the wife did ask him to come home and he said no. Then his got you in his house and her spoiling him with gifts more than you give.

cake eater.

I voted YABU on your initial post, but am glad you’ve realised what your insecurities are really all about.
You say you ‘overthink’ things. I suspect in this relationship you have actually been underthinking. There’s a lot to sort out. I’d get started if I were you. The situation sounds very suspect and almost designed to keep you on edge.

You’ve entered into a relationship with a man who is still married and seemingly has no interest in getting divorced. As you rightly said, the gifts are a red herring- you’re mostly upset he won’t divorce her. If you’re unhappy about this enough, you’ll leave because you’re absolute correct in saying she’s his next of kin and would be able to claim half of your property if he died and you bought it together. Fuck that.

It's nothing to do with you so why on earth is it any of your business?

OP you’re not crazy to be insecure! Don’t make him feel like you should be ‘cool’ or that asking him to divorce is ‘insecure’ or ‘jealous’ or ‘you don’t trust me’ etc.

It’s a bare minimum, in terms of relationship security, that your partner isn’t married to someone else.

I definitely wouldn’t have a child with someone who was showing no interest in divorcing their wife!

He doesn’t want to divorce her. It’s that’s simple. She maybe likes the fact he hasn’t filed as it shows he still wants that link to her.

She left him and he has a child with you but won’t divorce his wife. Watch his actions not his words. You’re renting when you could buy but he still won’t divorce her.

Why did she leave him?

To everyone else as it’s too late for op. Don’t get involved with a man who hasn’t already filed for divorce and do not have a baby with him till it’s finalised.

Not a chance I’d be living with a bloke who isn’t starting the divorce process (maybe a bit different if it’s just taking ages).

The gift should be a non-issue. But it’s only a non -issue if You feel secure in the relationship and you clearly don’t. I wouldn’t either!

fwiw my parents are loooong divorced and my mum is still very kind to my dad, they aren’t big gift types, but my mum will still take my dad homemade cakes or something from her garden. Her partner will also help my dad out with various DIY things. I imagine to begin with they was for our sake, but now we are older it’s just because they are way past any kind of jealously and he’s someone/a friend she’s known for 40 years.

Get a grip.
Each to there own

If hes not divorced in 5 years, and he knows you wont progress whilst he is still married - thats telling you that you are not his priority. What you do with that information is up to you but this man doesnt see or prioritise you as "the one".

Divorces don’t have to be expensive though. Since they are already living separately I’m guessing they’ve worked out money etc.

My sister got divorced recently, took about 1 year, cost £500. They’d been together a long time.

It is something I’d be bringing up again. Definitely more than the presents which is cause this. And reading your updates she definitely is going overboard.

You're not unreasonable to feel insecure and unhappy about your situation. You're living with a man who is still married and who is not prepared to divorce his wife (she's not really an ex yet). The gift giving is just the thing that is triggering you at the moment. It's not really the issue.

She's not being unreasonable in either the gift giving (her money, her choice) or refusing to pay for the divorce. I'm guessing he left her (was that for you?) so why should she pay. And he doesn't seem in any hurry to get a divorce either. Maybe he is just keeping his options open.

This is what you should be worrying about and I would think that deep down it is what is bothering you. A man who doesn't want to divorce his wife but sets up a family with someone else is not someone to be trusted and I think you know this.

OP, you’re jealous of his ex and using the gift from his son to show this. Green is an ugly colour. Leave them be. It’s nice that his son gets to give his dad a lovely present - his mum is making this happen for him.

I think it’s lovely that they are able to do that for each other, as it is for the kids.

My sisters ex is absolutely awful to her (even though he is the one who cheated and left). They kids are older so can buy for her themselves, but if they had been younger, he wouldn’t have done it. It would be us (sisters or mum) that would have taken the kids shopping.

My ex and I bought thoughtful girts from the children to each other until they were old enough to buy their own. Why are you jealous of an ex?

God, the fact they’re not divorced and you have a child together is crazy. As you say, she’s his next of kin if anything goes wrong. She’s possibly even still the recipient of pensions or death in service benefits

Kids usually just get a very cheap gift in primary, from their pocket money. Never known anyone expect an expensive Mum/Dad gift from a child, but maybe they're just richer than us. I often just made my mum something before I was old enough to have a job, and I'd never expect something that cost more than a fiver.