AIBU to tell him I have booked the ballet weekend alone?

Hope you had a lovely time.

OP, did you enjoy the weekend? Have you decided to dump him yet?

The thing is we only ever know the poster's side of their story on every post. Most posters are looking for personal opinions on their troubling thoughts about something going in their lives.

I hope the OP has received sufficient reassurance that the majority feel her man is as hopeless as she says he is, even taking into account his unknown side of the story, and that she managed to have a nice birthday despite his thoughtlessness.

'We don't know enough to advise' applies to every single post on MN.

And irrespective of all the potential mitigating personal circumstances which may or may not exist for this flaky dude, OP is still feeling uncared for on her birthday weekend and a bit used.

OP I hope you enjoy the ballet this weekend & that you've navigated telling him your plans without unnecessary drama.

I think you know it’s run its course but what a shame you paid for his holiday before realising this. I know you said you can afford it but that holiday money could be gathering interest in an account for one of the children. They get v expensive if they want to go to uni. 😁 Anyway I’d go and enjoy myself (maybe with a girlfriend, maybe not) then finish things with the hopeless one.

I cannot really fathom why you do things for this man who sounds more than a bit useless. Is there anyone else who could get the use of the ticket on the proviso they pay for their own accommodation and travel? Stop paying for this man. If he cannot be bothered to arrange something for your birthday he doesn’t care about you and is just letting you treat him. A waste of space.

If he knows you got tickets and the venue is in his city did he not invite to to stay at his?

If he didn't even ask you when you told him you had tickets , that's a bit odd and I guess that's why you booked hotel, or simply that you wouldn't wish to stay at his pace.

I wouldn't tell him about the hotel booking, just go and have a nice relaxing time and a nice meal somewhere maybe you like but he wouldn't ever treat you too.

He needs downgraded to a fwb if you can't ltb altogether..

I hope you didn't pull a muscle with that ridiculous reach.

Seriously, why do some posters on here make up such nonsense ?

I am in my 50s. I am dating a man who is a bit hopeless
He's more than a bit hopeless.

I said to him a few weeks ago that I had tickets for a ballet this weekend if he wanted to come. He did not reply. It is also my birthday next week and he said he was not able to think of something to do this weekend as he had too much else to think about
I'm not saying your birthday should be his number 1 priority but it should be among his top priorities, if he cares about you at all. Honestly, how much effort does it take to think about something nice to do for your girlfriend's birthday and book some tickets and a hotel. Once you've decided what to do you can book things very quickly and easily. It's not like it's the 70s when you'd have had to make bookings over the phone or order tickets by post or something.

I knew it was over with one of my exes when he did fuck all for my birthday, didn't even get me a present and when I complained about it he immediately went on my Amazon wishlist and bought the first 3 things on there (took him 2 minutes). It showed me how much he cared about me because he could have been on the Amazon wishlist the week before, chosen some things and given them to me on the day. But no.

this really related to a weekend in Rome for him and his daughter that I had paid for but he was stressed about: he’s been now and had a ball but not mentioned next weekend since he’s been back this week

Never pay for anything for him ever again. He's potentially a wannabe cocklodger. And while we're at it - when you ditch this prick and find someone else, don't be using your money to pay for weekends you aren't even going on just because someone told you they were having a "hard year". These cocklodgers always have a sob story.

Listen we don’t know enough to advise you, it’s reckless to do so. We don’t know the circumstances that led him to bring his child up alone, how challenging that is, who would have the child while you go out, what you love about him, how he really treats you. If he was going away with his child alone, he probably was stressed. Decide if you want to go to the ballet with him, if you do ask again and make peace with the answer x

Just tell him you're going to the ballet alone if you bump into him. It doesn't sound like he's going to ask.

So what if he asks?. It's not like he is going to track you down or follow you. That would involve making an effort and that's not how he rolls. Best of luck OP.

How's the relationship been overall? Is this a one time blip where he's stressed/distracted or part of a larger pattern? You haven't said much about the overall relationship except that he's good company and was great about a hard time you went through.

Use your resources for yourself and your DC. & invest in your other relationships

5 years is a long time you’ve spent with him.

If after that time he still can’t cope with solo parenting and dating and isn’t consistently treating you well, putting in a reasonable amount of effort and so on, he’s no longer a good person for you to date.

But you've already told you what you're doing! And he's chosen to not pay much attention and say that he's too busy/preoccupied to give it any thought.

If he does ask again, remind him that you already told him you were going to the ballet for your birthday treat.

And then bin him off completely.

Perhaps he doesn't really like ballet but has been going along with you simply because you bought the tickets. There's nothing worse than sitting next to somebody's husband at the ballet who's been dragged along and is plainly bored rigid and spends the time yawning or fiddling with his water bottle. It can be very distracting. At the Royal Opera House you can return your unwanted ticket and they will reimburse you minus an admin fee if they manage to sell it before the performance, which they more than likely will. Go alone - you will enjoy it so much more if you're not worrying about whether your companion really wants to be there.

But this has upset me

So tell him his behaviour is thoughtless, dismissive and hurtful.

He manages to hold down a job, he's capable of booking a meal or responding to a text.
He choses not to because you will pick up the slack, book the meal, book the hotel, organise the travel, pay the bill and he does nothing.

Fine if you find that an adorable quirk. But you don't.
So buck up or fuck off Mr Freeloader.

How old is his child though, if she lives with him full time that’s a lot. Is he hopeless or overwhelmed?

Please don’t chase him to come with you. Surely you can do better.

Then, OP, if you want to continue and enjoy this relationship without feeling taken for granted , you probably need to make it clearer to him that he has to be more proactive in making actual arrangements for interesting events/dates/experiences for you both, not just leaving it up to you.

Perhaps suggest it's ' his turn' to organise the next date/event and go from there.

If he organises it, he can also influence the cost of the dates, even if you start to share the cost of tickets etc.