Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not inviting my prankster brother to protect my fiancée's wedding day

112 replies

OneSereneBiscuit · 09/09/2026 21:37

I am marrying the love of my life "Amanda" in a few months . We have a beautiful two year old son and a great life together. unfortunately she suffers from an anxiety disorder. She does see a therapist, but it is still something she has to manage on a daily basis, and wedding planning has been very hard for her emotionally.
I have an older brother "Jason" who is pretty famous for playing pranks that most people would consider over the line. For a few examples...

  • tying a friend up and giving him a horrible spray tan
  • setting his best friend up on a fake date and smashing pie all over her face as she waited thinking she got stood up
  • filling a kids pool up with ice water inside the house and rolling his wife off the couch while she was sleeping
I'm just giving some context that his pranks are always over the top and would be a dealbreaker for most people. However he only does them to people he likes. We aren't very close and he has hardly interacted with Amanda at all. I really don't think he would pull a prank at the wedding, but she told me it is something she is extremely anxious about. Here is the thing, she has to manage her anxiety every day of her life and I want her wedding day to be perfect and as stress free as I can make it, so I decided not to invite Jason. This has really upset my parents. I've never seen them so furious. They are calling me a bad son, bad brother, saying I'm not a man. They feel we are "tearing apart the family" As for Jason I don't know if he even cares. He hasn't said anything one way or the other, but apparently his wife was telling people I'm just jealous of his money and his looks and don't want to be "shown up" She then made a nasty comment about Amanda's looks which solidified for me I made the right decision
OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 10/09/2026 00:32

Those aren't pranks. They range from bullying to assault. He shouldn't be within 100 miles of anywhere civilised.

calflions · 10/09/2026 00:15

If you do want him there, could someone be assigned to shadow him the whole day - maybe prank HIM by having a prearranged group suddenly handcuffing him to a friend of yours before the ceremony. Can't do much harm then.

I don't mean it really, as the main issue is your bride feeling so worried, I think you've done the right thing.

FriendlyMedusa · 10/09/2026 00:09

I would be uninviting Jason from my life, to be honest.

These aren't pranks, they're abuse.

StolenTeapots · 10/09/2026 00:03

He sounds like a knob

FancyKitten · 10/09/2026 00:02

Wouldn’t want him at my wedding. Team wife!

Nearly50omg · 10/09/2026 00:01

That’s not pranks! That is behavior that should have got him arrested!!

Original poster
OneSereneBiscuit · 10/09/2026 00:00

outerspacepotato · 09/09/2026 23:55

I'm shocked no one has beat the shit out of Jason yet.

Those aren't pranks, dude. Your parents enabled his nastiness. Your family is fucked up.

Elope.

He never did anything like that growing up. Our parents were pretty strict. He was a quiet depressed kid

OP posts:
ShitFacedShakespeare · 09/09/2026 23:59

So many brides on MN this week who suffer from severe anxiety yet can’t wait to get married in front of a crowd.

But yeah, I agree with the Reddit comparison.

outerspacepotato · 09/09/2026 23:55

I'm shocked no one has beat the shit out of Jason yet.

Those aren't pranks, dude. Your parents enabled his nastiness. Your family is fucked up.

Elope.

SabrinaThwaite · 09/09/2026 23:21

Just go and get married quietly, the two of you, no family, no stress. If you need witnesses, a couple of easy going friends.

Best thing you’ll ever do. No stress, no massive financial outlay (we got married in the US, no witnesses needed, $80 for the licence).

If you want to, then afterwards have a celebration party with family and friends.

Brightbluesomething · 09/09/2026 23:19

I’ve had exactly this situation before. The family prankster never knew when to stop. So humiliating people then laughing at their embarrassment was a huge amount of fun to them.
They weren’t invited to a family wedding because of this. It was a lovely day without them.
You’re doing the right thing.
I wouldn’t bother trying to do as PP’s say and get him to promise to behave. He won’t be able to and the stress of it will affect your wife’s wedding day.

Chaarlene · 09/09/2026 23:18

"Blimey"

GrantMyWishes · 09/09/2026 23:04

Personally, bearing in mind that your wife to be is so severely anxious, I would recommend a destination wedding instead of the usual type do. Having both already been married and divorced, we decided we'd done the traditional thing once for our parents and family's, and second time around was for us. So we booked a 3 week holiday abroad, and arranged to get married during the second week. We spent the first week relaxing and working on our tans, and asked a couple that we'd got talking to by the pool, if they would be witnesses for us. It was all incredibly relaxing, with none of the usual stresses of a wedding at home.

Jeschara · 09/09/2026 23:02

If this is true Jason is a bully. He gets his kicks making people feel uncomfortable and humiliated.

Give Amanda a stress free wedding and don't invite your annoying, very unfunny, tool of a brother. He is a boring inadequate man.

HeyThereDelila · 09/09/2026 22:58

YANBU. He sounds like a moron, and frankly your whole family sound pretty odd.

I would plan on making it a v small wedding which would presumably be much better for someone like Amanda and her anxiety to cope with. Also that way your parents don’t need to be too cross at Jason’s exclusion.

ToadRage · 09/09/2026 22:54

I would reconsider the invite but have a serious conversation that there are to be no pranks whatsoever and make it perfectly clear if he can't guarantee that he won't be welcome, but don't invite his wife, she sounds vile. Tbh I'm surprised he still has a wife and any friends left.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/09/2026 22:54

OneSereneBiscuit · 09/09/2026 21:42

He claims he isn't doing anything wrong because no one has to be his friend/marry him and he is a good sport when it is done back to him. Before his wife he was engaged for a loooong time and would never set a date because "she wasn't fun" Our parents hurt him pretty badly tbh. They only like him now because of the money

Show quote history

So....

Mum and Dad - Jason is a dickhead
Jason is a Dickhead
Jason is a Dickhead

Jason - I am rich!!

Mum and Dad - We love you, you were always our favourite!

Yeah?

OrangeFlower14 · 09/09/2026 22:54

Happyjoe · 09/09/2026 22:43

Your brother is now reaping what he sows.

This is it
You’re doing the right thing

Nopersbro · 09/09/2026 22:51

For me, in your place, Jason's listening to my concerns and agreeing not to prank would be enough, provided I trusted him to keep his word (and believed he and I had a shared understanding of what would be considered a prank in this case - but I believe we could talk that through and come to an agreement). So, your decision not to invite Jason even after he has said he will not prank is essentially saying you do not trust his word. That admission has the potential to damage your relationship with him and possibly with other members of the family. But ultimately, it's up to you and Amanda alone who attends your wedding.

Itllbereadysoon · 09/09/2026 22:48

If her anxiety is that severe maybe you should just have a simple ceremony with just the 2 of you.

Original poster
OneSereneBiscuit · 09/09/2026 22:47

WillyCroakit · 09/09/2026 22:24

Having met a few “Jason’s” are you not concerned he will prank the wedding anyway whether he attends or not.

not really. He only does it to people he is close to. He's always been quiet and distant with the family

OP posts:
GreatWideOcean · 09/09/2026 22:45

Actions have consequences. Your wife to be's feelings should come first.

Happyjoe · 09/09/2026 22:43

Your brother is now reaping what he sows.

Kosenrufugirl · 09/09/2026 22:25

I think you are right to respect your fiancée's feelings and not invite your brother. It would ruin my day, for sure

If he is smart this might be just the lesson he needs to learn that money and looks are not everything

WillyCroakit · 09/09/2026 22:24

Having met a few “Jason’s” are you not concerned he will prank the wedding anyway whether he attends or not.

Swipe left for the next trending thread