To be furious with DP? 3yo has massive bruise after being left with him

It's upsetting that he is hurt, but accidents happen. He is 3 not a baby so should be expected to be able to play in a playroom without injury. It's unfortunate but really don't think that it is worth this reaction.

Oh piss off , this could have easily happened and will happen at some point when you are watching him too

The comments here are ridiculous. I can understand OP being upset but 3 year olds fall, and sometimes parents go on their phones in front of their children. I'm sure some people on MN are just so unhappy with their own lives that they want to stir up other people's relationships by telling women how awful their partners are.

My Dc have had various accidents right under my nose, whilst I was watching.
Hit under the chin by a swing requiring stitches
Broken arm by falling over when spinning round
Black eye when hit by a tennis ball
Broken finger when falling off a bike
Numerous cuts and bruises of varying degrees of size.

My point is, with the best will in the world accidents do happen even when we’re paying complete attention to our children. In today’s world people spend far too much time glued to our phones, or just being momentarily distracted by them. If you asked everyone who have DC under 20 on MN who has never had a phone within reach when in the presence of their child, I bet there’d be very few who said yes. I’m sure the DF really didn’t intend to allow his child to fall over and get hurt. There but for the grace of god goes most of us.

Well that's not very practicable is it? It's his dad! What's she supposed to do, become omnipresent? Give up every single other aspect of her life to watch her son constantly?

Even if she does that, her kid will probably still fall over. 3 year olds do.

OP I can totally understand how stressed you might be, but these things happen. I dropped DD off a bed when she was a tiny baby. I am not a shit, lazy, negelftfil parent, I just looked away for a second, and didn't realise she could move that much.....

Cut him some slack - I am sure he feels awful. At this time, you need to support each other.

But I am not having a go - you are under enormous pressure. It must be awful. Xxx

Not necessarily.

You can be playing with a child and they can still bump themselves on whatever they're playing with, trip over their own feet on their way to get a different toy, or, in the case of my dd, be doing a jigsaw at the table with me, stand up to put a top piece in and miss the chair on the way back down. She'd pushed it back as she stood and didn't realise. Cracking bruise on her jaw.

Accidents happen - even when playing with children.

Having a child in hospital and also having surgery is incredibly stressful. It's going to come out somewhere, and this is a prime opportunity. Is it reasonable? Unless the OP has never ever taken her eyes off her child for a second, never looked at her phone, nipped for a wee, made a call, gone into another room whilst also having sole charge of her dc, then no, it's not reasonable.

Are her feelings and reaction understable in the current situation? Yes.

Yes, Im waiting for 'I wouldnt be able to get past that OP'

On the other hand if they have had surgery and are maybe a bit wobbly they could easily fall however diligent you are being, short of holding onto them all the time. His dad surely wasn't intending for him to fall and hurt himself, cut some slack you are both upset.

It is quite predictable of MN
I was actually expecting the OP to be instructed to leave her partner.
Total over reaction.

Is the child running around a playroom at this time whilst OP is on her phone? Or could he be laid safely in bed?

His dad should have been playing with him which would have prevented him falling anywhere. Especially after surgery. I hope the BF is feeling very guilty and has learned a lesson.

A prime example of MN double standards.

If this was a mother the responses would be far more sympathetic.

"She deserved 5mins peace after a stressful time"
"Why wasn't the playroom safer?"
*She was only sending a text message to her mum to update her on the surgery"
*He'd have fallen over even if she was watching"

Of course it's horrible to see your poorly child injured but this sounds like an honest accident. Apportioning blame this harshly won't help.

Kids do hurt themselves but I expect if they've had surgery recently enough that they are still in hospital, you'd be extra vigilant.

This. It is impossible phone or no phone to prevent every accident. Yes its more likely you can prevent the lead up, like he was running toward something or something like that

But many many parents do not have full eyes and full attention every single second on their child, it simply isnt possible.

I could have been you OP, perhaps not on your phone, but something you couldnt prevent or you turned to talk to a nurse for a min or two and something happens.

He'll be in more scrapes as he grows and you sound very blaming. Its not neglect or abuse from your partner.

Children have accidents. I think you're stressed (rightly so) about the hospital stay, and directing that stress at him.
My dd has had a broken collar bone, alongside many other injuries whilst dh was looking after her. Not once did it even cross my mind to blame him - accidents happen.

I’m sorry you’re upset and your son is hurt. But accidents happen and I don’t think your bf did anything wrong. I very much doubt that you haven’t picked up your phone the whole time you’re in hospital either.

If he's just had surgery then likely he is on blood thinners and the bruise will be totally out of proportion with the actual hit. It probably looks way worse than it really is.

I had a visitor poke me to wake me up after surgery (I'm deaf) and it left a bruise the size of a large baking potato.

A play room should be a safe environment for a young child. Unless you have a huge house and your child spends most of their time in a dedicated, especially designed, playroom, I would expect playing in the house where they also have non-playthings in the room, would be much more dangerous.

Your child is 3 not 1. Unless he is extremely unwell after surgery, like unsteady on his feet, dizzy, very weak on his legs, your husband did nothing wrong from a safety point of view. I mean maybe it was sad that your kid was allowed out of bed and his parent didn't bother play with him... but that's a different issue.

I completely understand your feelings, it's awful when your child is hurt (especially if they have just been in hospital), but I think that whether YABU depends on a few factors.

Was he quickly doing something on his phone or completely ignoring his son whilst doomscrolling for an hour? How serious was the surgery and how is your child's recovery? My older DS had very minor surgery at the same age and whilst I was a nervous wreck, he was fine to be treated as normal as soon as he was discharged (apart from the usual advice to watch out for infection).

It's completely normal to not give a 3 year old your full attention all the time. I've not long since put a load of laundry on whilst mine played in the next room. Earlier I took a call from my mum and definitely wasn't giving him undivided attention. He could have fallen during these times, but that's a normal amount of risk, providing the child doesn't need close monitoring.

I'd be pissed off, given the child was in the hospital after surgery.
That situation calls for paying closer attention.

Why are pp trying to excuse this man being on his phone when he was supposed to be supervising his child in the play room? Even if his child wasn't recovering from surgery since when did looking at your phone take priority over your child?

You are right to be angry OP. Absolutely dreadful.

These things do happen quickly. My 3 tear old gave herself a black eye tripping over her own sock. It's not always preventable.

You are on your phone now.

I was taking my 3 yr old niece to a little kids club, turned round to lock the door…she fell flat on her face while my back was turned for 5 seconds! 🙈

That’s not fair. He could have been watching him and still not been able to stop it happening. Also has the OP said he’s generally useless?

It may be that this could just as easily have happened on her watch. I made that mistake back when mine were tiny. Had a go at my husband because my two year old fell off the couch and got a bump on her head while he was in charge. The very next day my three year old tumbled on the stone steps outside when I was watching her 🤷‍♀️ it happens.