If the bride isn't bothered should I be?

I can't believe the responses on here. MN normally has the logic its an invitation not a summons.

Its not like she's left it to the last minute 3 months is plenty notice that she's unable to make it.

And I agree if I was the Bride I'd hold of with the seating plan for another couple of months. Its guaranteed that someone else will drop out or dates change.

You have seen a friend behave in a way that's put you off her. So you can decide what that means for your friendship with her going forward. If you want to distance yourself, that's your right.
What would be an overstep is to wade in to defend your friend against her explicit wishes.

I wouldn’t bring it up as bride has asked you not to, but if someone else does then I’d saying something neutral but clearly disapproving like ‘I think it’s unfortunate that your decision has cost bride money’ and leave it at that even if pressed. Agree with previous poster that a deafening ‘don’t care’ silence from everyone would make the point that friend is not especially missed or wanted at the event anyway! I’d be very careful to note this for future interactions and cut my friendship with this person accordingly.

@HaveYouMetMissBones I'd tell it was rude. That is your own opinion. Can;t the bride fill the spaces with 2 other people?

”friend” sounds horrible and that’l she has form for being a selfish cow. Why are you tolerating her? I’d bin her off quick smart!

Darn rude but why does a seating chart need to be done this early, I can virtually guarantee something else will change.

I don't understand why you would be upset about this. It's annoying, it's done, it's not going to spoil anything.

Don't be a drama llama.

If holiday friend brings it up, which she absolutely will, just shrug and say the brides not bothered so?...

I would also step back a bit from her, no time for nonsense like this.

I would not say anything directly to her - especially not before the wedding. But I would remember, think a lot less of her, and possibly be less likely to include her in any invites and events.

If she brings it up, I’d say “ No comment” which says a lot without really saying anything.

This is exactely what hapened to me this summer. My sons friend was getting married, I also knew her well from them being school friends. Someine dropped out, she asked us if we'd like to be 'upgraded' from the evening do to the full day and we were more than happy to oblige.

Leave it - I hate it when someone gets offended on my behalf about something I don't care about. It's quite stressful when that happens - the bride clearly doesn't want to stress about it, so don't do so on her behalf.

How weird would you feel if you rock up at a wedding, and someone said 'we made a mistake with the seating plan, your in Mr & Mrs Smiths seats on table 9'

You'd know you were a last minute addition.
I just can't believe the bride had it printed before getting the RSVPs back.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

I'd tell her not to change the seating plan if there is a fee and no refund. Try to fill the seats from the evening do. Apart from that just leave it.

Exactly we have no idea what other constraints this girl is operating with.

3 months is December, she could be a teacher or going on holiday with kids visiting family elsewhere for Christmas.
Maybe its exams.

Who knows but stirring up trouble over a wedding when the bride has said let it go is completely wrong.

3 months not 3 days.

Go back a few years and Save the Dates weren't even a thing.

Its 3 months before the date, the formal invites probably haven't even been sent out yet.
You can't class a Save the Date as a formal invite.

Just ignore, that friend is rude. Bride should ask a distant cousin or work colleague she likes and pop them on the table instead! Bride can just amend the names then, hopefully less of a cost or loss at least.

I honestly don't think it's selfish to pull out a wedding with 3 mths notice.

Thank goodness I'm not the only one. Is this a thing now? Seating plans fixed and printed more than three months ahead? And pulling out thrre months ahead being a cardinal sin?

If this is genuinely the only time that the friend can go away, surely it's selfish to deny her an annual holiday? She's not bride's family, and a holiday vs a single day at a friend's wedding... there's no contest surely?

Agree with others that cancelling 3 months out should have zero impact on seating plan and money so I am not sure that part is true. Normally invites don't officially go out until about 3 months before the wedding with save the date having been sent earlier.

But yes your friend is selfish to pull out and it is pretty poor behaviour to do it on a group chat and not contact bride personally to explain, the bride is probably well aware of what she is like and does not want her wedding tainted by it so let her handle it how she wants to. No doubt she has her marked and will not engage with her much after this.

Don’t give it to her - now. Do not do anything to upset the bride - she clearly wants to let it go.

Just wait until it’s this woman’s next birthday or some event that she’s organised - and bail out a few days earlier because you’ve got something else on. People like this only learn when it’s done to them.

If you accept a wedding invitation and then pull out - you are flaky. With a limited number of exclusion like if you die before hand etc.

The wedding is over 2 years away and the bride has paid for the whole thing, sorted a seating plan and ordered favours already?
Will she even be with her fella in 6 months let alone that far ahead?
Having said that holiday friend doesn't sound like a friend, so why concern about what she may or may not be doing anyway?

I suspect the Bride is bring pragmatic. No point getting stressed about it. I bet flakey "friend" won't invited to the brides social events in the future.

Printing the seating plan 3 months before an event is slightly mental to be honest, there are bound to be other changes (Aunty Sue goes into hospital etc)..