AIBU to think my husband is too harsh about five-year-olds cartwheel?

yanbu OP that he is being too harsh on your DD. He is being emotionally abusive and the only Yabu about is the fact you are just passively letting him do it.

Your DH is mean and this is really horrible behaviour. Perhaps you need to spell out for him in words of one syllable how this is exactly like his father's behaviour towards him?

He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.

His behaviour is abusive and bullying, he is knowingly doing something that will make her upset and frustrated, consistently (we all occasionally may do something in jest perhaps but not consistently when we know the other person is going to get annoyed or upset). He is also an adult and it seems likes having a display of his power over her as a child. I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is completely unacceptable, it is harmful to your daughter and that you will not tolerate it, he will be told to leave if it continues.

this Is abusive behaviour from him , he needs to behave like an adult and nurture her , is he prepared to destroy her self esteem and for her to end up hating him

Agreed! The fact you call this winding her up and not bullying is wild. He's a bully and you're just standing by letting her think this is completely normal behaviour from her father. Your poor daughter.

What does he really like? Taunt him with it. See how long he lasts before he has a tantrum. Absolute prick, I hate to see a child teased.

That's a shame, for all of you, but he'll be the one who ultimately misses out when she just stops wanting to be around him/trying to get his approval.

My DH had parents like this, his dad especially. Don't get me wrong, he loved dh in his own way and he loves our son too. But he's very critical (not with our ds because we shut it down straight away) and literal.

My DH says he still feels like a kid around his dad and although he's worked through some things and can brush it off now, he's adamant he won't repeat it with our son. He's very supportive and encouraging and will apologise on the occasions he's lost patience (as we all do) or has said something that has hurt our boys feelings.

He’s a prick. You need to protect your daughter.

This. And because he is the adult and her father I would go as far as to say that this is emotional abuse.

You need to really hold a line around this OP.

He sounds like me my late fil. A bullying twat

What sort of a prick gets his kicks from making a 5 year old cry. Surely if a 'joke' makes her cry its not funny? My son is terrible at cartwheels, I just say things like, "good for you, keep trying', or 'i'm sure you'll get there' , the usual stuff. Offering help if he wants it. Maybe a 'not quite there yet'. And he's a few years older than your daughter. your husband sounds really unkind, I would really struggle with someone being actively mean to my child.

I think you need to sit him down for a serious conversation and tell him you won't be putting up with it.

He's a mean bully. He can only find 5 year old little girl to pick on? So a complete coward and nit wit if he needs to do this to feel big and superior. What a jerk.

I would not put up with my child being treated this way by her father or anyone else.

He is an arsehole teasing children so that they are upset is abusive, your poor Dd he needs to get a grip.

Taking away her favourite cup for the purpose of being amused and entertained by her distress is f~~~ing sick. It doesn't matter if the cup is ultimately returned once he's had his "fun" and got the reactions he wanted.

It's a trailing thread on the edge of a very disturbing seam.

A five year old winding up another five year old to the point of fury and tears is one thing. An adult doing it to a young child - even their own child - is something else entirely.

There’s no point everyone saying she ought to leave him - he will just get the kid half the time and do it then 🤷‍♀️

he’s a massive prick, what he’s doing is REALLY DAMAGING. Go to couples therapy. You need to unpick this so he chooses not to do it.

Call him out OP. Its cruel. Does he did things like that to you too?.

“…putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels…”

Maybe put on a video of a Dad being mature and supportive towards his kid 😒. Use his parenting ‘methods’ against him.

I agree. It’s psychological abuse and I’d have put a stop to it the first time it happened. If he persisted I’d tell him to leave and divorce him.

I am also from a household where abuse was the norm. I would never sit by when someone did this to my child.

He's a prick.

Another one who thinks a grown man is bullying as small child, and not just any child his child, who should be the most precious person in the world to him.
He is awful. He is causing damage to her every time he does it. I hate wind ups. They are not funny as they are bullying

My dad used to think we had this great relationship where he would wind me up and I would get annoyed (but he assumed I loved it really). I didn't love it and it's one of several reasons that we had no relationship when I grew up.

Tell your idiot husband he's not funny and if he wants a relationship with his daughter he needs to change his ways.

What a prick!!
Reducing a five year old to tears
What a big man.

Is he the jealous type? It sounds like he’s competing with her for your attention.

You have got to confront him about his damaging behaviour and stop him from bullying your poor child. She's 5 years old! I couldn't bear to be with someone who treated my daughter in such a despicable way. Does he think he's being funny? Because it doesn't sound as if anyone is laughing. Nasty man.